NO. 16
GOODBYE TO AN OLD FRIEND
Any of you who have ever visited my home during the last decade or so have probably met Candy my Staffordshire Bull Terrier. Candy was a larger than life character whose striking and quite bullish appearance belied a sweet, gentle nature.
I first came across Staffords as they are called, at the home of Mrs Hazel Spencer, a fellow rabbit breeder. Her dog Sadie left a deep impression on me after watching her interact with Hazel’s grandchildren, one of whom suffered from a hole in the heart, and was treated very gently by the dog. This was back in 1990, and shortly afterwards I had an attempted break-in at my home. I decided there and then that I would get a dog and Staffords seemed the obvious choice.
During the summer of 1992 a friend of mine noticed an advert in one of the local papers advertising a litter of Stafford pups for sale. I duly rang the number and spoke to a Mr Ayling who informed me that he had four puppies for sale, two dogs and two bitches, and he would be happy for me to come and view them.
My friend Steve and I went along to see the puppies one afternoon, and we were presented with four solid little house bricks with beautiful wrinkly faces and huge brown eyes. Candy stood out from the rest of the litter. She came over to play with us, while her sister seemed more interested in pulling the ears off her brothers! She also had the most striking markings, which reminded me of a tiger cub, it was love at first sight!
I paid the deposit and asked Mr Ayling if he would be able to keep her until after Yom Kippur, which he said he would, and I went home with a warm and excited feeling – I now owned a dog!
I collected Candy between Yom Kippur and Sukkot 1992. She arrived home in a large cardboard box, which she had been struggling to get out of for the whole journey from Luton. As I lifted her out I was surprised by the strength her muscular little body contained. She promptly made a puddle on the kitchen floor, and then set off to explore her new surroundings. She settled in very quickly and after a couple of days it seemed like she had always been there.
That week we were putting the finishing touches to the communal Sukkah, which is always based at my home. Piles of sticks and branches began appearing on the drive, kindly donated by members of the community, and Candy decided it was her job to transfer these into the kitchen! Every time my back was turned she would grab as much as she could and drag them indoors. At one point I had trouble getting in to make a cup of tea!
Life with Candy around was never dull, and it quickly became apparent that we needed some house rules if law and order was not going to completely break down.
At the time I was working night shift, which left Candy and my sister Denise alone together. Denise, who lived with me at that time, was an avid collector of pottery and ornaments. At the time she was collecting hand made figures from Britain’s mythical past, mainly warlocks and wizards. To be truthful, I hated them. I have a good old Jewish aversion to things made in the human image, especially pagan images!
These figures proudly adorned a small table in our lounge, and one of the “house rules” I spoke about earlier was that Candy didn’t go in the lounge when I was not at home. There were just too many breakables.
Late one evening I phoned home from work, just to see how things were going. Denise proudly told me that Candy was in the lounge and she had her under control. I said that I didn’t think this was a good idea, but was overruled. All of a sudden in the middle of our conversation I heard an almighty crash! My sister let out a scream and the phone went dead! When I eventually managed to get through again, I was informed that Candy had had a sudden burst of energy and galloped around the room in a “lap of honour”. She had then crashed into – yes you’ve guessed – the small table with the pagan figures on it, and the whole lot had gone over. When I arrived home in the morning I was confronted with a heap of broken pottery. I couldn’t help laughing!
Over the years Candy provided us with much cause for laughter. She was a good friend and very loyal. I never felt vulnerable when out with her, even at night, and the house seemed well protected.
In 1996 Candy produced a litter of pups of her own, four bitches and two dogs. They were born a few days before Pesach and as soon as the first night seder was over everyone wanted to see the puppies. You can imagine the chaos the house was in for the next eight weeks. I decided to keep one pup, a bitch called Meg, and she and Candy became inseparable.
Well, the years have flown by, and this July Candy celebrated her twelfth birthday. In the spring she became unwell and was diagnosed as having a womb infection. Candy was very ill and required major surgery to remove her reproductive organs. While the operation was in progress the vet discovered a large tumour on Candy’s spleen. The tumour was removed and the vet said that her chances of a full recovery were good as she had not found any further evidence of cancer in the dog’s body. The vet was amazed at Candy’s strong constitution. The following morning after major surgery she wanted to eat and go for a little walk! When she returned for a check-up a week later they all came out to greet this amazing little dog who had recovered so quickly.
Unfortunately this proved to be short lived, and a couple of months later the tumours re-appeared this time in her neck and mouth. As time went on life became less pleasant for my little friend. She regularly lost blood from the tumour in her mouth and started to lose control of her body functions. The vet told me that he believed Candy had a tumour in her bladder.
Eventually, after much soul searching, I realised the time had come to say good-bye. I have to say that this was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Mr Chennells, my vet, agreed to come to the house and my friend Andie Fish was there to give me support. As it was a Friday Mr Chennells said he would come in the morning in order to give us time to bury Candy before the onset of Shabbat.
Candy’s end was dignified and painless. I held her and looked into her eyes until she was no longer aware of my presence.
What I realised is that as a religious Jew I have nothing in my tradition that helps me with the departure of a much loved pet. None of the prayers we recite or the rituals we observe at the end of a human life are appropriate for the death of an animal, and with more and more people living on their own, pets have taken on a new importance in the lives of many, especially the elderly.
Anyway, a couple of friends helped me dig a grave for Candy at my friend Bev’s farm. She’s buried in the garden there next to Bev’s Boxer dog Belle.
That evening Andie came over to join me for Shabbat dinner. During the meal we opened a bottle of good red wine. The toast was “to Candy, my friend”.
David Young
Reprinted with kind permission, from OUTLOOK, the Newsletter of Rodef Shalom, Bedfordshire Progressive Synagogue. www.bedfordshire-ps.org.uk Editor: Jeff Kleinman.
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A TRIBUTE TO BUDDY
It has now been a little over 14 months since July 9, 2003 when the angels gently wrapped my little Buddy in their wings and took him to the Rainbow Bridge. My heart was shattered into a million pieces on that day, but time is fulfilling its promise. The grief is slowly easing into warm memories, bringing some tears and smiles for the many good times, but most of all, creating a strong bond of love that will endure in my heart. Buddy is my little angel face, and I remember him each day with an ever-constant love …. unchanging, unlimited and forever. There are times in life so wonderful and so special that they linger long after those days are over. My life shared with Buddy is just such a time.
May the winds of love blow softly
And whisper so you can hear
That I will always love you
And wish that you were here.
Blessings and hugs from Canada.
Joan – Buddy’s Mum
March 28 1988 – July 09 2003
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FIREWORKs- ‘ danger & nuisance’
Every year, Autumn heralds the beginning of the ‘firework season’ – with its attendant misery for countless animals – and people, not just around 5th November but for several weeks before and after. Christmas and New Year now bring their quota of bangs and alarums. It is hard to know, particularly if our animals are of a nervous disposition, when we can ever let them out. Apart the fear suffered by some of our pets, there are other, even more serious, dangers:
- March 2003: a disabled gentleman in Norwich had a firework put down the back of his wheelchair. He suffered burns and the wheelchair was damaged.
- March 2003: a disabled lady had a firework thrown at her while walking her dog; the dog suffered brain damage and had to be put down.
- Oct 2003: a gerbil was tied to a rocket and exploded. Fireworks went through the roofs of two homes in the Huddersfield area. One rocket landed in a baby’s cot (5 minutes later, he would have been in the cot). A few days later, another rocket went through a baby’s bedroom window and exploded in the room; the baby was downstairs with the parents at the time.
- Wildlife and farm animals have been traumatised.
- Heathland and wood fires have also been caused by fireworks.
The RSPCA are compiling a ‘fright night’ pet video which they plan to send to Tony Blair. The charity is asking people to send in their pictures and films of their pets’ reaction to fireworks at events across the country; the most harrowing will be sent to ministers to urge them to amend this year’s Fireworks Act. There will also be a cinema ad supporting the campaign. The charity has sent a form to every vet in England asking them to log the numbers and types of animals they see affected by fireworks.
(Info about RSPCA from ‘Third Sector 3 Nov 2004)
Teresa Kulkarni (who provided much of the information for this article) is waging a campaign to have fireworks restricted to organised displays only at fixed times; to include garden fireworks in the restricted category; to reduce the decibel limit to 85db max for all fireworks and to make it illegal to use or possess fireworks without a valid licence. A copy of the petition is enclosed for UK readers of DF.
For more forms and info, contact: Miss T Kulkarni, 1 Methuen Avenue, Kings Lynn, Norfolk PE30 4BN or tel: 01553 775461. Or you can photocopy the blank forms or download from website http://freespace.virgin.net/nicholas.k or from website www.fireworkspetition.co.uk
Please return completed forms to Teresa Kulkarni by end of April 2005.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Cats never make mistakes.
Humans err: Cats purr.
Maman
To err is simply human;
to purr is simply divine.
Silver Blue Oscar
(From The Secret Lives of Cats – p.92)
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BOOK REVIEW:
The Secret Lives of Cats
This book takes the form of selected letters between two cats: Lemon-Coloured Lion Heart With Long Fine Whiskers and his mother (Maman), sent over a period of several years. The cats did not actually write the letters, they communicated with each other by ‘felipathy’. Dr Vernon Coleman is a trusted Upright (cat word for ‘Human’) with a proven track record of active support for animal rights and a deep love of cats, so he was chosen to edit and publish the letters in written form, thus enabling Uprights to have access to the wisdom, insights and adventures of Lemon and his mother, and other cats who touched their lives. It is illustrated throughout with Vernon Coleman’s famous line drawings – Catoons.
When Lemon is taken as a kitten to live with a new set of Uprights, he naturally misses his mother very much, and turns to her for support. She gently guides him in his task:
“….. to educate Uprights, to lead them away from the path of indignant and false moral righteousness which some of their leaders have mistakenly chosen for them and to lead them back towards peaceful, loving coexistence.”
Through his encounters with other cats and many different kinds of Upright, Lemon-Coloured Lionheart matures from enchantingly naïve kitten to adult cat with dark, deep experience of life, love – and tragedy.
This beautiful and moving book, with its deadly serious underlying message, is in turn funny, sad, witty and entertaining. It is somewhat reminiscent of Anna Sewell’s great Victorian classic Black Beauty, which did so much to further the cause of equine welfare. Let us hope that between them Lemon, Maman and Vernon Coleman can raise the consciousness of Uprights everywhere and do as much for cats as Anna Sewell did for horses.
For details of how to get a copy, see the ‘Resources’ section.
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Your Letters ……” *
Many thanks for your mags. Several friends are getting in touch for them. Keep up your marvellous efforts.
Patricia Thomson
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I’ve received several issues of Departed Friend now, and I just want to thank you for putting together such a compassionate newsletter for those of us who have had to say farewell to our best friends. Although many of the articles and submissions are filled with sadness, it’s comforting to know that I’m not alone with my feelings of emptiness and loneliness following my loss. Bless you for the peace and healing that you bring to many broken hearts through your newsletter.
Joan Hansen
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
A belated thanks for copies of Departed Friend No. 15. As always the letters show how one is deeply affected by the loss of a much loved pet. One cannot fail to be moved by Beccy Hayden’s grievous heartbreak. I was very interested in the euthanasia article in which many interesting points were made, and I agree with most of them, as the writers say vets are not infallible and many hasty and wrong decisions are made. And they are so right when they say animals are better and more understanding than humans.
John Cowen
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Extracts from a poem written in response to DF 15:
As always it was indeed a great pleasure to read
Issue 15 of Departed Friend
And we will treasure the memory for a long time
Departed friend has shown that A Friend In Need
Is a Friend Indeed be it human or animal …
Without question Beccy Hayden has paid a
fitting tribute
To her beloved dog Daria who had many attributes…
As Marcelle Williams has aptly stated in her
lovely poem without any bets
Her beautiful Turkish cat Hassan has gone away to
the better place
Sarata should take comfort from the joy that Be-Be
had given her
And while still remembering Be-be enjoy the
company of her two other cats & child in
equal measure
What an eye opener it was to read the true experience
That Linda Reed had faced – …
We reckon that Jamie Wright
Has made a right decision by getting a memorial
plaque for all his dogs
Last but not least Ella & Flossie deserve a mention
For their kind donation to keep
Departed Friend going …
Departed Friend has shown that A Friend In Need
Is A Friend Indeed Be It Human Or Animal
While we remember our departed friends
Dopey, Spade & many others to mention we enjoy
The company of Ebony & Tigger who give us
So much joy & immeasurable pleasure.
Take Care
Because you are extremely rare,
Harish & Chandni Shah
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You can use the photo of Chester’s / Mac’s shrine if you wish – it’s my tribute to two wonderful friends.
Jamie Wright/.
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Filed under: No. 16 Nov '04
