This edition of Departed Friend is dedicated to the memory DF reader, Chandni Shah.
Regular readers of Departed Friend will recall the sensitive and thought-provoking contributions from Harish, Chandni & Rikesh Shah: (DFs 15, 16, 19). Harish and Chandni (meaning ‘moonlight’) met at Whittington Hospital 30 years ago and were married for 28 years. Their son Rikesh was born in 1994.
Chandni passed away on Saturday 5 November 2005 and Harish wrote: “A week has already passed and our cats Ebony & Tigger are still looking and searching for Chandni and it seems that they too know as to what has happened and are grieving & in turn giving us support and attention.”
Chandni worked in the NHS as a Haematologist for over 32 years. She also assisted a number of voluntary organisations.
Harish and Rikesh have kindly sent the beautiful photographs reproduced here and requested that we share in the memorable send-off given to Chandni by Nitu, the lady who conducted the Funeral Service at Hendon Crematorium. As Harish testifies: Chandni “has helped thousands of people without any barrier to their colour, religion, language, nationality, ability.” From personal experience, I know that she has also done a lot to help animals, both present and departed, and their grieving humans. Ed.
As a matter of fact it is
Better to be humane rather than a religious bigot
as shown by Mahatma Gandhi’s favourite dhoon – Vaishano Wajano Tou Tani Kahaia
There is no need to fear from anyone be it God or Satan Friend or Foe as long as you
Do everything with dignity honesty & integrity – whenever Ya Mera Watan Ka Logo is played or sung it brings tears to our eyes
It was destiny for Chandni & Harish to meet at Whittington Hospital 30 years ago
That the right hand of the couple would depart from the same place on 05.11.2005.
Harish did not spend a single day without Chandni and they were made for each other
Just like Romeo Juliet Heerr Ranja or Leila Majnu
& their bond was stronger because both loved music & art & to live life to the full without harming or hurting anyone knowingly or unknowingly because both believed in humanity rather than religious bigotry and whenever they were feeling down they would listen to Jurm’s Jub Kohi Baat Bijaljai
Our beloved Rikesh was born on 28th December 1994 Both Chandni & Harish spent day & night looking after him – that is why when dearest Chandni departed a mere ten year old said to Harish
daddy please do not cry.
Nitu to be frank with you, we can never ever thank you enough for the emotional & memorable ceremony because you included Saat Samundar Paar – this was and will still remain Harish’s favourite song – Harish used to tell Chandni that if ever he were to go in coma if Chandni were to play that song Harish would come out of coma.
Nitu most of the people were commenting about the unusual style in which the Funeral Service had been conducted – even though rain was forecasted it was clear while people were meeting and greeting each other.
May Chandni’s spirit rest in peace And may Harish, Chandni (she will always be with us) & Rikesh not forgetting our cats Ebony & Tigger have the courage to face the future without her – Dearest Chandni you are with us & we are with you forever & ever.
“Take Care because kind & caring people are extremely rare in this cruel & greedy world.”
Christmas tributes
Following her tribute to her dog Muppet (DF 19), Miss S Roberts has sent us the following stories for Christmas, in memory of her 2 dogs, Benjamin and Muppet. As there was no December edition of DF, they are printed here below:
This Christmas I don’t have my babies Benjamin and Muppet. Muppet died June 1 2005; Benji died June 23 2000. Benji was 18 and Muppet 15.
Benji came to us as a baby. He had not been treated very well; his previous owner used to hit him with a newspaper so when Benji saw one he’d cower. We named him Benjamin. We took him into our family, showered him with love and affection, spoilt him with every doggy gift he could have and took him into our hearts and, through time, he grew into a bubbly, outgoing adult dog. He used to love our trips out to the moors just to run in the fresh air. He was a gentle, affectionate, loyal friend. He’d come up to us, to visitors too, waiting to be stroked. He loved it when we invited him to sit on the couch or our bed. Benji used to jump up and down all the time: we wondered if he was on springs. We had gates on the side of the house and when out there he’d jump higher into the air than the height of the gates. He was a dishevelled looking dog but to us was a unique handsome brute. He was a big part of Christmas in his Santa suit, me helping him open his presents – he was territorial over his gifts. He loved his Christmas dinner. He used to love the fresh snow in the back garden but, a few years before he died, he got attacked there by a Pit Bull. He was lucky to survive. He recovered physically but mentally he never liked going into the back garden after that. We protected and loved him even more after that. We had so many lovely years with Benji, but it was sad when he got old and problems set in. We took him to the vets regular, cared for him at home. We didn’t want to lose him but God took him in the end. We got comfort from knowing Ben was asleep, at peace. Benji was unique, my best friend, he enjoyed life despite the bad things he’d encountered.
We came across Muppet when Ben was ill. My family member got a dog then offered her to us. I couldn’t say no to Muppet. Benji took well to Muppet. Muppet took a while to warm to Ben.
We lit candles and bought roses when Ben died.
It was the hardest few days, leaving him at the vets when he died, waiting for his cremated remains to come back, but when they were delivered to our house, it felt like he’d come home. Every year for the last 5 years I’ve remembered Benjamin. He was a better friend to me than any adult could be.
When Muppet died, I created a memorial garden for Muppet & Ben; there stands an angel in it. This Christmas, I will lay 2 memorial plaques for Muppet and Benji and I’ll light a candle in memory.
Muppet was 10 when she came to us. Examination at the vets showed her womanly bits to be in a bit of a mess. When she was spayed, she was left with cystic masses all over her tummy. I clung to Muppet more as I’d just lost Benji. She became my princess. This is my first Christmas without her and I can’t work out the point of Christmas without my 2 babies. We lost my Dad December 2004 to cancer. Muppet loved Christmas – from sniffing the Christmas tree, diving into her doggie sock, getting into her presents and eating tasty treats. She was so spoilt. With Muppet, I bought doggie coats, doggie jumpers, named towels, matching dishes, the cushiest of dogbeds. I loved shopping for her and this year was looking at specially designed collars fit for a princess. She’d jump all over, tail wagging madly, when excited. She was a Jack Russell cross, so was a good guard dog for visitors but once she’d sniffed out them, she was a big softie wanting lots of attention. She had a bark on her and chased a burglar out of our house in the early hours. She protected me bravely as I was in the house alone – you can’t repay that loyalty. She was highly protective of what was hers, didn’t like anyone touching her items. When I’d just washed her bedding, she’d dive into the warm blanket in her bed. We dressed her up in Santa coat and hat; she looked so cute. She could be snappy with other dogs but loved setting out for her walks. So intelligent. If I tried to get her out for a wee when the weather was bad, she’d turn round and come in saying: “Are you daft? I’m not going out in that!” She’d roll round the carpet friskily after her bath and wouldn’t eat her dog chew until you’d made a game of it. She was a refined lady.
Spoiling both my babies was me returning the way they lit up my life. The house is still quiet now. I can’t resist going up to dogs I see out and about, stroking them now. I was blessed with 2 angels. I sponsored a star on a tree and a Christmas light on a tree this year in memory of them. I miss buying for them, dressing them up at Christmas, dancing with them to carols. I’m a much more humble person because of having them. It’s wonderful that they can be remembered in your magazine. It keeps them alive.
We knew Muppet’s death was not far off as she had a heart murmur, breathing problems and fits. We found out in January 2005. She lasted till June. She never complained having to take daily medication. When she went to sleep she was poorly and needed peace no pain. I hope both are safe in heaven.
Muppet
I love you both.
I miss you deeply. Thank you for being my best friends.
Goodnight.
Sleep well.
Love Mummy. x
Book & Resource Reviews
(1) The Cat Basket – by Dr Vernon Coleman
Vernon Coleman has done it again! He has written another gem (illustrated throughout with his famous ‘catoons’) that will delight ‘cataholics’ everywhere. Vernon bids everyone “Welcome, once again, to my cat world.” To find out how to get your copy, and also a copy of the ‘Guide’ reviewed below, see the ‘Resources’ section at the end of this newsletter.
There is a wealth of serious, amusing and amazing catfacts and anecdotes, historical tales and good advice on how Uprights (people) should interact with Cats – all written, of course, from the feline point of view. The book starts with a fascinating chapter on the telepathic link between cats and uprights. There are chapters on, for example, favourite proverbs concerning cats, heroic cats who have saved their kittens’ lives and those of uprights; odd relationships between cats and other animals (including a feral Scottish wildcat who lives and sleeps with a pet white rat); famous people and the (sometimes surprising) names they gave their cats (Florence Nightingale had cats named Bismarck, Disraeli and Gladstone – plus 57 others!) The book contains two irresistible quizzes: How to tell if you’re a Cataholic (p.21) and How much do you know about cats? (p.128).
Serious, ironic, lighthearted and instructive, this book is written by someone who is incurably cataholic. It will give enormous pleasure to ailurophiles everywhere.
The poem below is reproduced from the book. It reads to me like a perfect epitaph for a much-loved cat. – (ed.)
The Days
She awoke
before the sun had properly risen into the sky,
to fully illuminate the day.
She rushed out into the garden
while the grass was still wet
and cobwebs glistened with morning dew.
She spent the day chasing feathers,
climbing trees, racing after leaves.
She did not go back into the house
until the sun had set,
turning out the light
and leaving the world as dark
as it had been
before the day had started.
She had enjoyed the day
because she enjoyed her life.
She always enjoyed her days,
for she knew they were her life.
2) The Guide to Pet Loss Resources
by David C Anderson
This is a very comprehensive resource, which contains information on bereavement resources in general as well as those specific to pet loss. It gives details of books, journals and journal articles, helplines, hotlines and websites on pet loss, pet loss counselling and related topics. It is intended for both pet owners and professional counsellors. Related topics include pet hospice & elder pet care, pet retirement homes, pet cemeteries, etc. There is a 6-page section (p.11-16) on grief resources for children of all ages, including a book called “Badger’s Parting Gift” about how all the woodland creatures begin to come to terms with the death of their dear friend, old Badger; “Mending Peter’s Heart” tells how a boy is helped to come to terms with the death of his dog and in “No Dogs Allowed!” 12-year-old Kristine, still struggling to come to terms with the death of her beloved horse, finds it difficult to accept the new dog she receives for her birthday.
There are sections on Horse Owners & Loss, Service Animal Owners & Loss, Shelter Workers, Animal & Vet Technicians & Loss. This includes material on helping research workers cope with the pain and death of laboratory animals. First, I was astonished that vivisectors could have any such feelings – coupled with a distinct lack of sympathy. On reflection, however, I believe it might contain a message of hope – that if enough technicians have unquiet consciences and that if they are listened to rather than just condemned outright, maybe they will have the courage to leave that profession and eventually the whole vivisection industry will collapse. I am put in mind of people like J Robert Oppenheimer, a scientist who worked on the atomic bomb, saw the devastation it caused and became vehemently opposed to the development of the hydrogen bomb.
On 29 December 2005, we found a pigeon huddled next to someone’s front door. I couldn’t leave him there in the cold, so I brought him home. He seemed to be in shock and didn’t move in my hand. I settled him in a room away from the cats, wrapped in a blanket, and tried to tempt him with bread and water. He didn’t want anything. I left him in peace. I rang a local Wildlife Rescue and left a message on their answerphone. When I went back in the room to check on the bird an hour or so later, he had died. Though I was not surprised, I found it very upsetting, especially as there was a bit of bread on the blanket. I can’t remember whether I had left it there myself – or maybe he had picked it up from the floor and tried to eat it. I gave him the posthumous name of Ariel and buried him in the garden. I lit a scented candle and placed it on top of the grave.
The Wildlife Rescue woman returned my call. She sounded extremely kind and said I had done the right thing. Because there were no signs of injury or concussion (his eyes had not flickered), she thought he was probably an old bird whose time had come. She said they ‘die from the inside out’ – their organs failing. For future reference, she gave me a recipe for a Rehydration Mixture which can work like magic, especially for birds falling out of the trees, dehydrated, in Summer:
Dissolve a teaspoon of sugar in quarter of a pint of warm water, plus a tiny sprinkle of salt.
Pigeons and doves can have their heads put into the water and they will drink it; don’t do this to other birds, or it will get into their lungs. It is also a good mix for domestic animals.
Debby
YOUR LETTERS ……” *
Dear Debby
I would like to thank you for all your help and support you have given with the Restrict Fireworks to Licensed Displays Only petition. I have received and collected over 90,000 signatures so far. Due to public demand, I have extended the closing date until end of January 2006.
Teresa Kulkarni
1 Methuen Avenue, Kings Lynn
Norfolk PE30 4BN
Tel: 01553 775461
Sorry I haven’t contributed anything to DF – yet again! Goodness knows I’ve had a lot of bereavement experience this year! It never gets any easier “saying goodbye” however many cats there are (and I still have 37 and a rescue bunny).
I’ll try and contribute next year, perhaps the odd poem? However, I have been making some of my “bereaved” friends aware of DF – a wonderful newsletter … Keep up the good work.
Barbara Hunt, Catwork – Nov 2005
A purr-fect move
When the house I was buying fell through I was left in a difficult position. I would have to temporarily move into my father’s flat but that in itself wasn’t a bad thing. The problem was Kate and Sox, my two cats, because my father wouldn’t have them in the flat. I’d have to find them a home.
Thankfully a friend of mine who runs a Cat Protection League holding centre took them in and, judging from my last visit, they’re doing fine. I don’t suppose they’re the happiest cats in the world but they’re clean and well fed and hopefully it won’t be long before we’re united again.
So I think I’ve done the right thing. And this feeling was re-enforced by something strange that happened the evening before I moved out of Luton. I’d already taken the cats to Tingrith and I was alone in my maisonette packing away my belongings ready for the big move the following day. I’m not a particularly religious person but once in a while, when a feeling takes hold, I say a prayer. While I was upstairs sorting out my clothes I prayed for my cats to be safe and well and that’s when I heard it – purring behind me. I turned around but of course there was nothing there. I listened again but the purring had stopped. And then a warm and reassuring feeling came over me. And I knew my cats would be OK and everything will work out.
I can’t be sure that the purring I heard wasn’t something explainable like the neighbours’ heating system or something equally mundane from the physical world… but it makes me wonder. Many years ago I did have a cat (Kate’s sister) who died quite unexpectedly and who knows, perhaps she’s looking out for us?
Jeff Kleinman – 30 Dec 2005
Dear Debby,
My beloved Cleo died in my arms very peacefully on the 19th Nov at home. She needed to be released from her little earthly body and the pain is now all mine not hers, she is now healed and perfect in the primrose fields at Rainbow Bridge where I shall see her one day soon.
Will you put this little token to her in your newsletter please? I think you do a wonderful job Debby you help us all in our grief. A small donation and God bless you.
I enclose a poem and although it is in memory of Cleo I would like to share it with all owners who have lost their beloved cats. It was the perfect ending and I believe we meet up when we pass over.
Losing Cleo was sudden after a very short illness and hit my husband (who is ill) and myself very hard….
Best wishes for 2006 and good health.
Patricia Thomson – 1 Jan 2006
Cleo
If Cleo had a human voice,
I know she would want to say,
“Thank you for all the loving
you gave me every day.
You made my life a special one,
filled with joy and pleasure,
you cared, and shared your life with me
prizing me, beyond measure.
I always had a warm, safe home
lots of hugs and pats,
So many cats are neglected,
just existing without that.
You seldom left without me,
cos we were very close,
You gave me many, many things
but what I treasured most,
was the love in your eyes
when you spoke to me,
your gentle loving touch,
the ‘tough-love’ you decided on
when my ailments got too much.
I was so dependent on you
to see to my dying needs,
you never ever failed me,
I’m a blessed cat indeed.
You held me to the very end,
trying hard not to cry,
your devotion was so special but,
you didn’t have to say ‘goodbye’,
…..just ‘Cleo, we’ll see you later
for sure as sure can be,
one day we’ll be re-united
in Eternity.’
God didn’t just create humans
he created animals too,
gave us all a love for each other
Just like me and you.”
Dec 2005
Filed under: No. 22 Jan '06
