TRIBUTE TO SNOWY
She arrived in our household barely two months old – a bundle of feathers, two bright eyes and a big mouth. That was just over a year ago, and though she died so tragically young – two weeks short of her first hatchday – we still mourn her.
She was Snowy, our white-faced pied cockatiel. Though she weighed less than 100g, she filled the house with her presence. Flying up and downstairs with the greatest of ease, she seemed to be everywhere. She could never keep still, climbing all over our clothes and chewing everything in sight. Books, wallpaper, plant leaves and remote control buttons bear testament to her active little beak.
We looked forward to a lifetime of joy, but it was not to be. One evening, we noticed her vomiting seed. We rushed her to our avian vet as soon as we could and left her there, thinking she would be home again soon. Instead, we got a phone call from the vet to say she had died overnight.
Life will never be the same without our beloved Snowy. Every one of our friends who had seen her, or even just a picture of her, was captivated. We are sad, but at the same time happy that our lives have been immensely enriched to have had her, even for such a short time.
CK & Anne Yoe, Harrow
Horatio Nelson
Saturday 3 June 2006 was a fine, sunny day. England had just beaten Jamaica 6:0 in a friendly international, warm-up to the World Cup. Then came the Derby. As the horses prepared to race, Horatio Nelson’s jockey expressed concern that the 3-year old horse was a bit stiff. He was examined by vets and pronounced fit to run.
He was placed 7th when, as the television commentary put it, he had ‘broken down’ and jockey Fallon quickly pulled him up. Screens were quickly erected lest anything blight the enjoyment of the racegoing public.
The horse was taken to the veterinary treatment centre where it was discovered that he had broken his left front leg. Several X-rays were taken. These revealed fractures to the cannon and sesamoid bones and a dislocation of the fetlock joint.
“The injuries were considered to be too severe to be repaired and the horse has therefore been euthanized.”
This bland statement by the Horseracing Regulatory Authority misses the point that this was a tragic, unnecessary loss of life in a fit young horse who, unlike human beings who partake in dangerous sports, did not have the choice.
Rest in peace, Horatio Nelson.
Some changes to DF
* Because of an increase in other commitments, I will now be producing Departed Friend quarterly instead of every two months – in March, June, September and December.
* Those of you who receive Departed Friend by e-mail will now get it in pdf format. If anyone has difficulty in downloading it, please let me know and I will re-send it in word, as before.
* From August 2006, postal charges will be by size as well as by weight. The copy/ies of Departed Friend you receive by post will now be folded into an A5 envelope where possible.
I apologise for any inconvenience caused by any of these changes. Please keep your letters, photographs, articles and tributes coming. Departed Friend is your newsletter and your contributions are vital.
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Service of Thanksgiving for Creation
and
2006 Animal Blessing Service
at
All Saints, Wokingham, Berkshire
Sunday 1st October, 3pm
All welcome: 2 legged and 4 legged
Refreshments for all afterwards.
Further details and town plan
From Marcelle Williams
Tel: 0118 978 9782
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YOUR LETTERS ……“ *
Hi Debby,
I hope you are well? I have been meaning to email you ever since I received your latest DF Newsletter.
The review you did on the TV programme on Pet Loss (DF23) will have been of great interest to a friend of mine and today, I actually got around to sending him a copy of this issue.
I am not sure if you are aware, but in the mid 80′s, I was a member of the RSPCA and one day, on reading my membership magazine, I came across a small advertisement, asking for entries for a Hymn Competition. The hymns were to be on an animal welfare theme and the winning entries were to be included in a small booklet.
To cut a long story short, I entered the competition, and although my hymn wasn’t one of the winning entries to be included in that first booklet, a few months later, I received a letter from one of the organisers, a clergyman, who explained to me that he was putting together many more of the entries and was in the process of producing and publishing his very own book of hymns for animals. I was asked if I would like mine to be included and, naturally, I was really flattered and said, yes please, without hesitation.
Five hymns later, plus, 16 years of Pet Services in Leicestershire, as well as my Pet Bereavement Book and also my three Animal Welfare Prayer Cards, and I am delighted to tell you that, this is all due to the encouragement and inspiration received from one very special person, namely, Rev’d James Thompson; the Animals’ Padre, featured in your Mediawatch article. I count myself extremely fortunate to have been brought into contact with James and truely value his friendship and admire his courageous example of compassion to all living things.
It was James, himself, who telephoned one evening to proudly tell me that one of my hymns had been chosen to be sung at Liverpool’s Anglican Cathedral at the Memorial Service for Vicki Moore, the anti-bullfighting campaigner, in 2001.
I am sure that James will be as delighted as I am to know that the programme was given such a positive slant and that it will, hopefully, dispell many of the usual negative ideas which, sadly, so many people have where Pet Death is concerned. Thank you so much for taking the time to review this programme in your newsletter.
Dear friends,
In a perfect example of what I believe is known as sod’s law, Pigeons.Com changed their address at about the time as the March edition of DF came out, in which you kindly printed my letter promoting the site!
Not only that, but the old address does not even transfer you to the new one, so any reader who has tried to access the site will have had no luck!
Rest assured, however, that the site and the facilities I mentioned do still exist – at the new address: www.pigeon-life.net. Thanks, Niel Hansen
My friend Mrs MC who I believe has written to you about her cats (see DFs 20 and 21) has just lost one on the 10th May. Her beloved Jill (who was 14 last August) had to be put to sleep as a result of a tumour. Please can I ask you to put a few words in the DF. She is very upset at losing Jill and without warning.
Patricia Thomson
Our deepest sympathy to Mrs MC on her very sad loss. May Jill rest in peace. – ed. 
Last Will and Testament of a Cat
By Margaret Trowton
When humans die, they make a will
To leave their homes, and all
they have to those they love.
I too would make a will if I could write.
To some poor wistful, lonely stray
I leave my happy home,
My dish, my cosy bed, my cushioned
chair, my toy.
The well-loved lap,
The gently stroking hand,
The loving voice,
The place I made in someone’s heart,
The love, that at the last
could help me to a peaceful end
held in loving arms.
If I should die
Oh! do not say
“No more a pet I’ll have to grieve me
by its loss.”
Seek out some lonely, unloved cat
and give my place to him.
This is my legacy,
The love I leave behind
‘Tis all I have to give.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Warning
As well as lilies (See DF 19) the following plants are also poisonous for cats:
- Cyclamen
- Laburnum
- Poinsettia
- Plants with berries
- Amaryllis
- Toadstools
Early Day Motion 92
5 minutes of your time could put animal experiments to the test – for the first time ever
EDM 92: ‘That this House, in common with Europeans for Medical Progress, expresses its concerns regarding the safeguarding of public health through data obtained from laboratory animals, particularly in light of large numbers of serious and fatal adverse drug reactions that were not predicted by animal studies; is concerned that the Government has not commissioned or evaluated any formal research on the efficacy of animal experiments, and has no plans to do so; and, in common with 83 per cent. of general practitioners in a recent survey, calls upon the Government to facilitate an independent and transparent scientific evaluation of the use of animals as surrogate humans in drug safety testing and medical research.’
If you live in the United Kingdom, please ask your Member of Parliament to sign this EDM. Write to your MP at The House of Commons, Westminster, London SW1 0AA or go to www.vote4animals.or.uk and enter your postcode.
Bereavement by Euthanasia
‘Are we Barking Up the Wrong Tree?’ is a fascinating study recently undertaken by Susan Dawson and Dr Bill Campbell from Manchester Metropolitan University, which questions the appropriateness of human models for understanding bereavement through the loss of companion animals through euthanasia. Written in academic language, the compassion and humanity of the researchers nevertheless shines through. Susan Dawson is a bereavement counsellor who has trained in companion animal loss counselling. She has also worked as an animal welfare advisor and has been a veterinary nurse. Her own personal experience of the euthanasia of her dog, Oliver, was included in the research and was ‘the seed from which the research study grew’. Dr Bill Campbell is a social psychologist specialising in human communication with extensive international experience of research in cross-cultural communication and as a consultant in communication training for health care professionals.
As well as going into more technical aspects related to different psychological models of grieving, the study contrasts significant differences between human bereavement and grieving for the loss of an animal by euthanasia:
- The status and support that people receive at the time of a death of a human family member are very much different from the status and support they receive at the time of a companion animal’s euthanasia
- For those who lose an animal friend, there may be little support from outside the immediate family and no tradition of community support
- Human deaths have recognised rituals and rites of passage (ritual is known to be helpful in the grieving process)
- People are granted compassionate leave after the death of a close family member – not so after the euthanasia or natural death of a companion animal
- If euthanasia is a taboo subject untalked-about and if companion animal death itself is minimised and marginalised in wider society, this implies that companion animal euthanasia represents a disenfranchised loss in our society, largely unrecognised outside of the companion animal-owning community
- Euthanasia is a major agent of death in non-human animals
- Whilst some owners may claim to perceive that the animal wants to die, the decision is the owner’s and not the animal’s
- The guilt linked to direct responsibility is therefore very different from feelings of guilt where no responsibility for the death exists
- Though owners have the direct responsibility, they do not have the ultimate power and control over the means of death – which is transferred to veterinary professionals. (Responsibility without power and control is known as a direct stressor)
Letters from the researcher were sent out to three vet practices from the North of England and one pet cemetery/crematorium. Individuals choosing to respond to the letter initially made contact through a dedicated phone line. The research was conducted through semi-structured interviews (guided conversations) and a follow-up conversation 6-9 months later. All the participants had lost either a cat or a dog. The researcher started the first interview with a question: “Could you tell me about …(name)’s death and the bond you shared.” Most participants initially avoided describing the euthanasia event and for some people, the narrative began as a life story – from the beginning of their relationship through to the death.
Because this is such a taboo subject, with other people either not understanding or feeling reluctant to talk about it, those participants who described the euthanasia event in fine detail and participated in the second interview (10 people to date) all expressed the usefulness of taking part in the research and being able to talk about the event and the wider experience of grief in relation to their loss.
People’s descriptions suggest a heightened perception to stimuli, and events feeling magnified and surreal. Time is vividly experienced with one participant referring to “counting down their life.” Some people find the speed at which death takes place a source of shock and disbelief, sometimes not being able to accept that the animal is dead, as they talk of still seeing the ribcage moving and thinking the animal is still breathing. Other manifestations of doubt include the “Shall I go or shall I stay?” dilemma that some people have, wanting to stay with their pet till the end, at the same time as wishing to be as far away as possible. Or “Am I doing the right thing?” when the animal is still eating, sleeping and going for walks, despite extreme old age degeneration or other disease process being present.
Two of the euthanasia procedures were described as “going wrong”* in some way, one of these being perceived by the owner, Dorothy, to have gone badly wrong, resulting in her experiencing considerable distress, flashbacks and extreme feelings of guilt.
It is no wonder, then, that the researchers have observed that: “The richness of description, the minute attention to detail in the participants’ narratives together with the systematic sequential structuring of the retelling of remembered events is reminiscent … of narrative reprocessing, a technique practised in critical incident debriefing in trauma management.”
The researchers recognise that companion animals can play hugely important roles in the lives of people. Approximately 1 in 2 households own a companion animal. They prefer the term companion animal to pet as it implies reciprocity, indicating “a mutual relationship much more like friendship” – the word pet implying passivity on the part of the animal and the animal existing “to provide pleasure and entertainment for human beings.” (I personally also question the concept of “ownership”, as I do not believe it is possible for living beings to “own” each other. In our household of 2 humans and 5 cats it is, if anything, the other way round! ed.)
The researchers remind us that the human-companion animal bond goes back thousands of years. Dogs are thought to be the oldest domesticated animal, with dogs being associated with human burials at sites in Israel dating as far back as 14,500 years ago. The finding of a cat skeleton buried close to the remains of a human being in Cyprus suggests that cats were possibly domesticated some 5,000 years earlier than previously believed around 9,500 years ago.
They cite the “Biophilia hypothesis” as a possible explanation for the human-animal bond, biophilia being defined as “the innately emotional affiliation of human beings to other organisms” – implying an intrinsic drive for people to connect with other living animals.
The findings from the small study suggest that for bonded owners their animals are perceived as close family members but the status and support they receive at the time of the death of a human family member are very different from that which they receive at the time of a companion animal’s euthanasia.
In conclusion, the researchers make the very important point that: “… the devastating consequences of failed human companion animal bonds or absent bonds are all too easy to overlook. … In 2003 10,000 stray dogs were euthanased in the UK simply because they were unwanted. In understanding more what makes people grieve … perhaps we can understand more about those people for whom precipitous euthanasia of animals is no more traumatic than disposing of any other item of their ‘property’. Traditionally, in attempts to generate a respect and regard for the life of our non-human animal others, animal welfare organisations have sought to investigate why it is that people do not care, do not bond, do not feel; perhaps the time has now come to learn from our observations … from those who do care … in our efforts to prevent our companion animals from being regarded, morally, as little more than property that can be discarded and destroyed at our will.”
The full study can be found at
http://www.inter-disciplinary.net/mso/dd/dd3/dawson paper.pdf and can also be viewed in html format. If anyone would like a hard copy, please send an A4 or A5 stamped, self-addressed envelope to the Departed Friend address. (ed.)
*The distressing and traumatic topic of when euthanasia ‘goes wrong’ will be discussed in the next edition of Departed Friend.
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Pet bereavement and NLP
Janet Davies is a qualified social worker with over 20 years’ experience. She is also a companion animal owner (dogs and horses) who recognises how painful the various emotions involved in their loss (guilt, grief, powerlessness) can be. Janet says: “It is important to recognise that feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, shock, or despair aren’t just reserved for human bereavement, we can experience them just as powerfully in relation to a beloved pet. Sometimes more powerfully … It is important to take the time and space to work through the
grieving process, and you may need extra support at this time. Sadly not everyone will understand … This could make you feel you are over reacting, or being silly … Please be reassured that what you are going through is a legitimate form of grief.”
Janet offers one-to-one NLP sessions to help with this and other problems (eg phobias, coping with stress or serious illness, anxiety). The cost of a 45-minute session is £35.00 + VAT. The cost of a 1 hour 15 minute session is £55.00 + VAT. Home visits (within a 15 mile radius of Cheadle Hulme, Stockport, England) cost an extra £20.00 + VAT.
Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a therapy based on the concept that all behaviour has its origins in neurological processes such as our five senses and thus the physical senses are linked with emotions (dry mouth when we feel anxious, butterflies in the stomach when we are nervous, etc.) We use language to order our thoughts and communicate with others. The thinking part of our brain relies on language to make sense of experience and interpret our world. Often we use the same patterns repeatedly to organise our ideas and actions. Once a pattern is learned, the brain will use it repeatedly until something different is programmed or learned.
To find out more or book an appointment, contact: Janet Davies, NLP-THERAPY, 102 Cheadle Road, Stockport, Cheshire SK8 5DP. Tel: 0161 374 0960 e-mail: janet.davies@nlp-therapy.co.uk or visit http://www.nlp-therapy.co.uk
Filed under: No. 24 Jun '06
