It was so good to welcome Debby and Peter to Catwork back in June; (see DF 28, ed.) as also lovely to meet Sue Dobbs who recently told us in DF 26 about her beloved Mr Darcy.
Sue Dobbs playing with Mr Chips
(we don’t know who enjoyed the game most!)
Grateful thanks to Debby for telling people through the newsletter of our work here for the FIVs and FeLVs who are some of the unfortunates of feline society and greatly misunderstood. One thing I would like to emphasise following Debby’s account of our work is that FIVs can and do live ‘normal’ lives for many YEARS, not just months (I had written “months or even years” ed.) When properly fed and cared for FIVs can live as long as non FIVs and have no more “health problems” than the average cat.
Many of these cats come to Catwork literally from “death row”- young cats in good health with a life ahead of them if only they were allowed to live it.
Once people started calling the FIV virus “AIDS” – which it is not – many cats were doomed. Rescue organisations are reluctant to take them on believing that they pose a great threat to other cats, passing on the virus through fighting. This is in fact untrue – once neutered, given proper food and veterinary care when needed, they no longer need to “fight to survive”, and they don’t. The Fivery here has approx 20 cats living communally, and it
would be a battlefield if they were in the habit of fighting all the time. Visitors always remark how peaceful it is here with the cats getting on well, knowing that they each have a place to sleep and are going to get fed, and, being neutered, they no longer have to fight over females.
Over the weekend we talked, inevitably, much about bereavement, and I hope very much that Sue was able to take some comfort from our shared ideas.
With cat numbers always hovering around 40 we have to experience bereavement rather more than most, but each loss is always sad and uniquely different. When it is time to say goodbye to one of our feline family, we at least know that we’ve been able to give the cat a life and it wasn’t killed because it was FIV, as so many others are. How sad that stray cats are being “rescued” by animal loving people and sometimes taken to a vet where the blood test it will certainly be given may be a death sentence!
Our sense of bereavement extends to all those who have been “rescued” only to meet an untimely and unnecessary end. The few who have found their way to Catwork have, over the years, taught us so much. They have made us laugh and made us cry.
Our hope for the future is that a more common sense attitude will start to prevail in the cat world about FIV. It is always sad when an animal reaches the end of its life, but we find it doubly so when we hear of those that are made to die well before there is any need to, due mainly to their being “inconvenient”. We grieve for all those being killed on a daily basis up and down the country – cats we will never be able to help and who will be needlessly dying.
Debby and Peter make a fuss of Tutts –
our oldest FIV, well into his teens!
The House Dog’s Grave
(Haig, an English bulldog)
I’ve changed my ways a little; I cannot now
Run with you in the evenings along the shore,
Except in a kind of dream; and you, if you dream a moment,
You see me there.
So leave awhile the paw-marks on the front door
Where I used to scratch to go out or in,
And you’d soon open; leave on the kitchen floor
The marks of my drinking-pan.
I cannot lie by your fire as I used to do
On the warm stone,
Nor at the foot of your bed; no, all the night through
I lie alone.
But your kind thought has laid me less than six feet
Outside your window where firelight so often plays,
And where you sit to read – and I fear often grieving for me
Every night your lamplight lies on my place.
You, man and woman, live so long, it is hard
To think of you ever dying
A little dog would get tired, living so long.
I hope than when you are lying
Under the ground like me your lives will appear
As good and joyful as mine.
No, dear, that’s too much hope: you are not so well cared for
As I have been.
And never have known the passionate undivided
Fidelities that I knew.
Your minds are perhaps too active, too many-sided. . . .
But to me you were true.
You were never masters, but friends. I was your friend.
I loved you well, and was loved. Deep love endures
To the end and far past the end. If this is my end,
I am not lonely. I am not afraid. I am still yours.
Your Letters ………..……”
* Dear Debby,
Jackie gave us a copy of your wonderful Departed Friend newsletter. It was very kind of you to include that lovely picture and tribute to our wonderful Timmy. (See DF 28 ed.) We all adored him so much and it has been hard each day to be without him.
Then Jackie gave us your newsletter, and somehow it made us think that he is still with us in spirit if not in body. Your wonderful work which helps people come to terms with their sad loss, is really uplifting and a great help. Thank you once again. Love,
Angie & Mick Bean x
Thank you for DF 28 – particularly the letter from Mr Dennis Martin is so touching because it encompasses all the feelings we have when confronted with making the irreversible decision. Even when the facts of ‘rapid decline’ and ‘resultant discovery of a serious medical condition’ we still try not to believe it is the best to stop the suffering, and afterwards toss and turn over whether it was right on our part to admit defeat and let go. When things can only get worse what choice have we? In the turmoil, trauma and panic of the situation how can we feel competent to act for the best when tired and emotionally fraught? I would say to Mr Martin – your Tiggy will not judge you making the decision to release her from suffering; you had made all other comforts, food and shelter for her with good intentions, so you would not do her a wrong at the end. To step in before the illness becomes worse surely prevents further suffering. Tiggy would not want her loving human to be so unhappy. I enclose a copy of “God’s Lent Pet” for Mr Martin.
Pauline Edington
God’s Lent Pet
“I’ll lend you for a little while a pet of mine” – God said
“For you to love the while it lives, and mourn for when it’s dead.
It may be six or seven years, or twenty or just three –
But - will you, ‘til I call it back, take care of it for me?
She’ll bring her charms to gladden you & (should her stay be brief)
You’ll have all your memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise she will stay – since all from earth return
But there are lessons taught below I want this pet to learn.
I’ve looked the whole world over in my search for teachers true
And from the millions in life’s lane I have chosen you.
Now will you give it all your love nor think the labour vain
Nor hate me when I come to take this lent pet back again?”
I fancied that I heard them say: “Dear God, thy will be done;
For all the joys thy pet will bring, the risk of grief we’ll run.
We’ll shelter it with tenderness; we’ll love it while we may
And for the happiness we’ve known, forever grateful stay.
But – should thy angels call for her much sooner than we planned
We’ll brave the sorrow that we feel – and try to understand.”
Anon.
Departed Friend display at
One Love Festival – Marsh Farm, Luton
Saturday 8 September 2007
Moving on
Dear Debby – I don’t know if you remember me – I contacted you when my friend Dar was killed a few years ago – (See DFs 15 & 17 – ed.) I won’t be needing you to send any more newsletters – they were so much comfort to me as were you – couldn’t have coped without your help.…..I still miss Dar every day and I just wanted to thank you for everything, I hope you are well, take care of yourself – Best wishes and warm regards,
Beccy and Daisy
Thank you so much for this month’s Departed Friend. I am just writing to let you know I no longer need the newsletter. Over the years I have read some lovely letters, and some moving letters from Departed Friend, and I have found them very comforting. After I lost my dogs to ill health (See DFs 9 & 16 – ed.) I have found strength in Departed Friend to move on, and although I will never get over it, I have had a lot of help and support from your newsletter. Goodbye and good luck. Yours sincerely,
Jamie Wright
It is heartwarming to receive such messages of courage and hope, and to know that Departed Friend has played a part in helping people to move on. From personal experience, and from testimonies received over the years that I have been producing Departed Friend, I know that what at first feels utterly unbearable can, in time, become possible to live with – though as Jamie says, we may never ‘get over it’ and will certainly never forget. I am always happy when people say they no longer need the newsletter, as it means they have reached this point. Though the newsletter may have played a part in their progress, the real credit must go to the individuals themselves for their own inner bravery and strength. ed.
Police let stray dog starve for six days
Following John Cowen’s account in DF28 of the disgraceful neglect of a greyhound by police at Dalkeith Police Station, leading to its death by starvation, I came across another incidence – thankfully this time with a happier outcome, but with the same totally unacceptable lack of human accountability.
He may look fit and full of life now, but this Border Collie was close to death after police left it starving and without water for six days. The RSPCA is investigating Suffolk Police over the incident, which has been blamed on an administrative blunder. The male border collie’s ordeal began two weeks ago when he was handed into Bury St Edmunds Police Station by a passer-by who found him roaming stray. He escaped and was recaptured but then forgotten about – because staff did not record his return, police said. As a result, no-one gave him food or water for six days. He was taken to West End Farm Kennels at Buxall, Suffolk, where he is said to be making good progress. Experts say he is lucky to be alive and that he may have survived by drinking water from puddles. The RSPCA refused to comment until the inquiry is over. Police said they would beef up procedures. A spokesman added: “I can confirm that no disciplinary action will be taken with regards to this incident as it was a genuine human error.” Metro 31.08.07
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This poster is A5 size, laminated, and specially designed for vet surgeries. Why not ask your vet if they would be willing to put one up on the noticeboard? You can order the posters free from the DF address, sending an A5-sized SAE, or I can send you the template by email. Your vet might like to see an issue or two of DF before agreeing to put up the poster. (N.B. The practice I use also has a cat clinic, so I have adapted the poster to show two cats – other adaptations may also be possible). You can also use the poster on stalls or put it up in libraries, etc.
BOOK REVIEW
Missing my Pet
by Alex Lambert, aged 6
& supporting booklet with practical help for grown-ups from Alex’s Mum
One of the vets from the practice I use (Julia Boness Veterinary Hospital, Barton-le-Clay, Bedfordshire) was recently invited to go on a local radio phone-in programme. Questions were asked and answered on animal behaviour; the topic of bereavement was also covered – this was of personal interest to the programme’s presenter, who had lost her dog just 9 weeks before. With my prior permission, the vet, Linda Horn, gave out contact details for Departed Friend over the air (thank you!) She also mentioned this booklet, which the practice has in stock, to help children cope with the loss of an animal friend:
Missing my pet is a true story. As Alison, Alex’s mum, explains: the idea for the book was born following the sad and very sudden death of Alex’s dog. Alex was sad and angry and his parents felt helpless to do anything. By writing his book of recollections and talking through the contents, feelings and memories it evoked, the family all started to feel just a little bit better.
The book consists of short, one-page chapters each with its own delightful colour illustration on the opposite page. In his introduction, Alex says: “If you are looking at this book, then it probably means that you are sad. I was very sad when my dog Star died, so I wrote about how I felt, and the questions I asked everyone….. My mum thought that it might help other children who are sad to do the same. So this is your book.”
The 8 chapters each deal with a different issue, starting with ‘When me and my pet were happy’, taking the reader on the journey through ‘When my pet was poorly’, ‘Going to the vets’, ‘When my pet died’, ‘Why I was sad’, ‘What happened then’, and (beginning to move on) ‘How I remember my pets’ and ‘What if we get another pet?’ The book wisely leaves this last question open-ended, as Alex (who likes dogs) says he thinks that one day he will want to have another one, who won’t be the same as Star, but would be someone else to play with. It ends on a positive note: “I’m glad I had Star, he was funny. He was my friend.”
Readers are encouraged to draw a picture of themselves and their pet, and to write down their plans of how they want to remember their pets.
The ‘Grown-up stuff’ is a useful supplement by Alex’s mum, who expands on each of the chapters and offers helpful insights to parents of a grieving child – for example: “…. you should consider letting the child say goodbye … be led by your child, and don’t push the point if they are reluctant, but feeling left out at the end of a loved pet’s life can be traumatic for many children… Honesty, with, of course, sensitivity and a level of detail appropriate for your child, is always best.”
This is a compassionate, comprehensive, common-sense resource for children (and grown-ups) which comes highly recommended. For details of how to get a copy see Resources Page,
UNIVERSAL KINSHIP
The idea of compassion is often mentioned in Departed Friend, which is a welcome change in a world where compassion has gone out of fashion – or at least you would think so from the comments made by newspaper and TV pundits. Today, it seems that people who act out of compassion towards other creatures are considered weak, extreme or a terrorist. None of this is true; in fact, to be compassionate in a world of cynicism and indifference to the suffering of other creatures is to show strength of character and love for others.
What Is Compassion?
“Compassion is the sometimes fatal capacity for feeling what it is like to live inside somebody else’s skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too.” (Frederick Buechner)
J. HOWARD MOORE – ANIMAL ADVOCATE
Throughout human history there have been exceptional individuals who through their compassion have elevated human kind out of poverty, ignorance and disease. Often against great opposition from the State and the Church these people brought us education, better food, better housing and democracy. One such individual, J Howard Moore, (see also DF 28) tried to bring us enlightenment about the sentience, intelligence of animals and how they form relationships with each other and with humans.
WHAT IS UNIVERSAL KINSHIP?
Research by Peter Wakeham
Amongst other works, Howard Moore wrote a brilliant book called ‘Universal Kinship’ by which he meant:
“… the kinship of all the inhabitants of the planet Earth.”
As a taster, here is a short piece of his book, which I think gives the flavour of his philosophy:
‘Every being is an end. In other words, every being is to be taken into account in determining the ends of conduct. This is the only consistent outcome of the ethical process, which is in course of evolution on the earth. This world was not made and presented to any particular clique for its exclusive use or enjoyment. The earth belongs, if it belongs to anybody, to the beings who inhabit it—to all of them. And when one being or set of beings sets itself up as the sole end for which the universe exists, and looks upon and acts toward others as mere means to this end, it is usurpation, nothing else and never can be anything else, it matters not by whom or upon whom the usurpation is practised. A tyrant who puts his own welfare and aggrandizement in the place of the welfare of a people, and compels the whole people to act as a means to his own personal ends, is not more certainly a usurper than is a species or variety which puts its welfare in the place of the welfare of all the inhabitants of a world. The refusal to put oneself in the place of others and to act toward them as one would that they would act toward him does not depend for its wrongfulness upon who makes the refusal or upon whether the refusal falls upon this or that individual or set. Deeds are right and wrong in themselves; and whether they are right or wrong, good or evil, proper or improper, whether they should be done or should not be done, depends upon their effects upon the welfare of the inhabitants of the universe. The basic mistake that has ever been made in this egoistic world in the judging and classifying of acts has been the mistake of judging and classifying them with reference to their effects upon some particular fraction of the inhabitants of the universe. In pure egoism conduct is judged as good or bad solely with reference to the results, immediate or remote, which that conduct produces, or is calculated to produce, on the self. To the savage, that is right or wrong, which affects favourably or unfavourably himself or his tribe. And this sectional spirit of the savage has, as has been shown, characterized the moral conceptions of the peoples of all times. The practice human beings have today—the practice of those (relatively) broad and emancipated minds who are large enough to rise above the petty prejudices and “patriotisms” of the races and corporations of men and are able to view “the world as their country” (the world of human beings, of course)—the practice such minds have of estimating conduct solely with reference to its effects upon the human species of animals is a practice which, while infinitely broader and more nearly ultimate than that of the savage, belongs logically in the same category with it. The partially emancipated human being who extends his moral sentiments to all the members of his own species, but denies to all other species the justice and humanity he accords to his own, is making on a larger scale the same ethical mess of it as the savage. The only consistent attitude, since Darwin established the unity of life (and the attitude we shall assume, if we ever become really civilized), is the attitude of universal gentleness and humanity.’ Howard Moore 1906
Filed under: No. 29 Sep '07
