Our house move went very well. Peter and I are now settled in at the new address and the cats made themselves at home immediately. They now have a catflap for the first time and are enjoying the freedom of house and garden, coming and going whenever they want.
To all of you who sent such lovely cards and messages, and a very useful year planner – a huge THANK YOU. I apologise for the delay in producing this issue of Departed Friend, but hopefully things will soon get back to normal. We have now been in our new home for three months; it is lovely, but now our joy is tinged with a very deep sadness. On 13 February 2008, we said goodbye to our darling boy ……
ERIC
The first moment I set eyes on this scruffy, unkempt, half-bald creature, back in 1999, I said to myself: “This cat will break my heart”. I loved him deeply, instantly, and I was determined to make him better.
He had been a stray, living outside, when my friend’s Nan had taken pity on him and tried to adopt him. He refused to come in the house so she fed him outside, separately from her other 3 cats. Now she was in poor health and about to move house, and this boy needed a home. He must have had one at some time, because he had been neutered, but now he was in a sorry state, riddled with worms and mange. I’m sorry to say that his first experience of me was of someone chasing him round the room, trying to get a worm tablet down his throat. He was always wary of me after that, but funnily enough he felt safe when I was in bed, and would leap up on to me, kneading and purring, and would eventually fall asleep – either on top of me or actually in the bed. Most of the time, though, he preferred Peter, and liked to sit on him purring while we watched television.
When we got him home, the first thing we did was to book him a check-up with our vet. A brief course of injections cured the mange, and his coat grew back – a stunningly beautiful pale ginger. He put on weight and became a very handsome cat. I am sure he was a British Cream Shorthair (and he certainly thought he was) and it was a mystery how this possibly pedigree cat had ended up as a stray.
He did not have an altogether easy life, as he was subject to repeated very painful gum disease, and constant bullying by the three sisters (Poppsy, Mumia and Krishna) though he got on well with our big Daisy. Once the vet had taken all his teeth out, he was much happier. We did try to rehome him with a friend in the same road, but one of her girl cats also bullied him, so he came back.
Though he was often bullied by the girls, he was a perfect gentleman: I sometimes wished he would lash out at them – but he never did. He was totally fearless, however, of other males and would see off even unneutered toms if they ventured on to his territory.
I really do hope he had some happiness in his life. We did our best for him and loved him dearly.
The final thing we were able to do for him was to decide not to wake him up from the exploratory anaesthetic.
Years of varying health and trouble with his kidneys and thyroid had culminated in his going gradually downhill – so slowly that it was difficult, until things had become far advanced, to know exactly what was going on. Little by little, he lost interest in life, and got thinner and thinner. No longer did he make his funny noises, that we called his Wa-hoo. No longer did he bat toys around the room when he had finished eating, and he was eating less than half of what he used to. Antibiotics failed to improve matters and, while he was under anaesthetic, the vet discovered a tumour in his stomach. The outlook was grim. Best case scenario would have been an intensive course of chemotherapy, injections and tablets (he hated taking tablets) – which would have given him only a few months more, a year at the most, with no guarantee of a good quality of life. We could not put him through all that……
This is my favourite picture of him, basking in the sunshine on his favourite chair. I am so sad that he will never experience any more sunshine in our beautiful new garden – the Summer will seem very empty without him. But I hope that, somewhere, he has all the fresh air and sunshine he could want, and that one day we will all enjoy it together again.
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FROM THE MEDIA
Since I have been producing Departed Friend, I have noticed a definite improvement in the way the media treat animal bereavement-related issues. There is less mickey-taking and facetiousness, and it seems as though the subject is being taken far more seriously – at long last. The following articles are recent examples of good, responsible journalism:
ONE DOG AND HIS MAN
By Bruce Fogle
This essay in The Independent by recently bereaved vet, Bruce Fogle, best-selling author and TV personality, is a sensitive reflection on the complicated and often heartbreaking relationship between a man and his best friend. It asks the question: ‘Why do sensible, level-headed people find the death of a pet so hard to cope with?’ His observations of Macy, his six-year-old golden retriever, led him to recognise that dogs have complex emotional feelings. She was ‘jealous’ when another dog took one of her toys; ‘thoughtful’ before trying anything unfamiliar; ‘joyous’ when she met people or other dogs she knew; ‘contented’ to be left alone; ‘purposeful’ when investigating the natural world around her… and Bruce knew beyond all doubt that she loved him. Walking your dog is ‘life-affirming’ and Bruce says it’s probably what he misses most now she’s no longer alive. He writes of the connection they had, the communication they shared, then takes us through her last days – the mysterious, fatal illness and his merciful decision not to wake her from the anaesthetic.
By coincidence Bruce had, that week, received a book from an American publisher, hoping that he would write a ‘blurb’ for the back jacket. It was by Ted Kerasote, an outdoorsman from Wyoming, USA, writing of his life with a big yellow dog called Merle. When the dog died, Ted felt as if what had been holding him together dissolved. Bruce said he and his wife, Julia, also ‘dissolved’ when Macy died. Bruce buried her under a favourite tree, with all the lost tennis balls she had retrieved from the park and proudly carried back to the car during the previous month – 11 of them. Bruce says: ‘The clay was as hard as concrete but this was a satisfying ritual I’d carried out before. I’ve got two more dogs, Liberty and Lex, buried in their favourite spots in that garden. It’s a final service, a last “thank you” to an innocent.’
*There were five brief additional Shaggy dog stories – the ones they’ve loved and lost featuring testimonies from Brian Sewell, Roy Hattersley, Philip Treacy, Robin Page and Julian Clary. Apart from the fact that all these people are well-known, the common denominator in their very different testimonies is the unashamed admission of the depth of feeling these men have for their dogs, and the devastating impact on them when the bond is cut.
The Independent Extra 31.10.07
(With thanks to DF reader Caroline Turner for drawing my attention to this article. Ed.)
Heartbroken dog who couldn’t give up his feline pal
FRIENDS TILL THE END
“It was a friendship that could inspire a Disney Movie. Oscar the dog and his best friend, Arthur the cat, were inseparable in life.
So, when 17-year-old moggy Arthur died, Oscar was left inconsolable. Their owners, Robert and Mavis Bell, buried Arthur in the garden.
But Oscar’s love for his friend would not die – and during the night, he pulled the cat from his grave, carried him inside, laid him in the basket they used to share and gently cleaned him up. Mr Bell found the pair curled up in the basket. He said: ‘Oscar had watched me bury Arthur. They had been inseparable.’
Arthur is now buried in a secure grave in the garden at the Bells’ home in Wigan and Oscar has a new playmate kitten called Limpet. ‘He’s already very protective of her,’ Mrs Bell said”. Article by Jo Steele: Metro 10.1.08.
* N.B. Also from Metro - 9.11.07
DOGS’ FLEA TREATMENT IS KILLING CATS
Jo Steele reported that hundreds of cats have died needlessly after coming into contact with products meant for dogs. The Veterinary Poisons Information Service (VPIS) found that 1 in 10 cats given treatments containing the insecticide permethrin – which is harmless to dogs – dies. Most of the rest suffer twitching and convulsions. The problem could be far more widespread than the study showed.
The warning follows previous research that shows some everyday foods that are tasty for humans are harmful for pets and can even kill them.
Onion and garlic are dangerous for cats and dogs, chocolate is very toxic to both animals; grapes and raisins are harmful for dogs.
*
ODE TO A FRIEND
When God made the earth and the sky
The flowers and trees,
he then made all the animals
and all the birds and bees.
And when his work was finished
not one was quite the same,
he said “I’ll walk this earth of mine
and give each one a name.”
And so he travelled land and sea
And everywhere he went
a little creature followed him
until its strength was spent.
When all were named upon the earth
and in the sky and sea
the little creature said “Dear Lord
there’s not one left for me.”
The Father smiled and softly said
“I’ve left you to the end,
I’ve turned my own name back to front
And called you Dog, my friend.”
Anon.
BOOK REVIEW
Farewell, My Lovely
Compiled by Susie Cornfield
Illustrations by Sara Rapoport
Foreword by Celia Haddon
This book was born out of pain – the anguish of grief that Susie Cornfield experienced when her companion of some 16 years died – Brains, the MagnifiCat. She had not expected much sympathy but she was pleasantly surprised, as friends and near strangers shared happy, moving and funny memories of their own special friends. She decided that a collection of these tales would be a fitting tribute to Brains, and to the other animals, and it might help other people as they mourned their own losses.
The most striking thing about this book is how very different all the tributes are from each other – and the wide-ranging backgrounds of the contributors. Some are well-known in areas such as literature or politics (Jilly Cooper, Anne Widdecombe, David Blunkett). Other contributions come from people in different walks of life – such as schoolchildren, (Charlotte Middleditch), gardeners (David Crombie) and accountants (Mary Middleton). Some are contemporary and others from a bygone age, such as William Cartwright lamenting a sparrow in the 17th century, William Cowper writing in the 18th century his Epitaph on a Hare and Thomas Hardy expressing the aching emptiness he felt on the loss of his beloved cat. Rudyard Kipling’s poem “The Power of the Dog” is also reproduced.
Tribute is paid to an extremely wide range of departed friends: cat, dog, horse, donkey, rat, tortoise, goat, rabbit, hen, fish…..
There is even a section at the back for “Your Special Animal” with blank pages where you can write your special memories: words, songs or music which remind you of your animal.
Copyright prevents me from quoting from these many and moving tributes. I recommend that you get hold of this book and read them for yourselves. (See Resources section below). You can take comfort that the anguish we feel when we lose our loved ones from other species knows no barriers – either of time, or age or walk of life.
*
FOR ERIC
Dark, dark day of sunshine, at the end of Winter,
- beginning of Spring.
The garden where you sniffed the air lies undisturbed
- for now.
Later, tonight, we will do what has to be done
and then, with love, light candles in the dark.
Dark day of sunshine, at the start of Spring,
- beginning of Winter.
Debby, 13.02.08
Your Letters ………..……” *
Stalwart animal advocate, John Cowen, sent this letter to
The Chief Executive Sports Journalists Association of Great Britain (SJA) c/o Start 2 Finish Event Management Unit 92 Capital Business Centre 22 Carlton Road South Croydon Surrey CR2 0BSDear Sir
Like all animal lovers I am disgusted at the way the Government have denied the Celia Hammond Animal Trust (CHAT)** access to the Olympic site (2012) to rescue the stray, abandoned, and feral cats, to be found striving to survive among the rubble of the demolished buildings. This Government refusal of access is totally irresponsible. Even more reprehensible is the lies they have told to cover up their inhumanity, in the face of many vigorous protests and petitions from cat lovers. Sadly all this has seemingly been of little effect.
My reason for writing to you and enclosing the Your Cat article to give you a clear picture of the facts is to ask you to make them known to all athletes who will be preparing for the 2012 Olympics, to let them know of the innocent blood which was shed and which will be hidden among all the grandeur of the opening ceremony. I would like as many of them as possible to make strong representations to the Government to let them know their distaste. I would also be grateful if you journalists covering the preparations for the event would also give it a mention.
As a dedicated cat owner, and cat lover I do hope this letter is of interest to you and that you will be able to grant my request.
John Cowen, Edinburgh
**Celia Hammond Animal Trust (CHAT) Head Office and Charity Shop High Street, Wadhurst, East Sussex. TN5 6AGTel: 01892 783367 www.celiahammond.org
Reg. Charity no. 293787
Dear Debby,
Just looking again through Issue No. 29 with all the interesting news about Barbara Hunt’s grand work at Nether Stowey. (CatWork: a special Sanctuary for cats with FIV and FeLV – ed.)
My thanks must go to Pauline Edington for her letter relating to my own anguish concerning our dear old friend, “Tiggy” who we lost last Christmas (2006) and her copy of the poem “God’s lent pet”.
We now feel ready to give a home to another cat and so at the moment we are searching for two tortoiseshell-and-white kittens, but so far, no luck. However, we shall continue. Life is somewhat shallow and empty without animals around the house.
Best wishes for now and the New Year (and thank you for your help in dark days of the closing year),
Dennis Martin
APPEALS
Dennis Martin wants to give a loving home to two tortoiseshell-and-white kittens, as stated in his letter above. If anyone knows where he can find kittens of that colour, please let me know, and I will pass the information to him. (Dennis lives in the West Country, in the UK).
2) Mary O’Brien wants to know if there is a dog rescue organisation in Greece. A friend of hers lives over there with several rescue dogs. Due to personal circumstances, he now wants to return to England and needs to be sure that he leaves his dogs in Greece in safe hands. If anyone knows of a suitable organisation, please let me know, and I will pass the information on to Mary.
| A KIND GOODBYE | Z |
This is a training video (VHS) produced by SCAS – the Society for Companion Animal Studies. On the order form it is described as being 23 minutes long – it seemed shorter when I watched it, but that may be because the subject matter held my interest. The publication date is given as 1993, but the date given at the end of my copy is 1989. The issues covered are still very relevant today. The video consists mainly of discussion between two veterinary surgeons (David Watson and John Bower):
Veterinary practices realise that their responsibilities extend beyond the consulting room. Vets are seen as ‘killers’ and people are still frightened to bring animals to the surgery. However, they pointed out that old age is not, of itself, a reason for euthanasia. There are positive criteria for preserving life – if the elderly animal is free from pain, enjoying food, sleeping at night and not ‘antisocial’ (vomiting or incontinent).
Euthanasia is devastating for some clients. It is very important that the whole procedure is smooth and peaceful for both animal and owner. Dr Colin Murray Parkes, Senior Lecturer at the London Hospital Medical College and well-known in human bereavement counselling circles, explains: the grieving process is drawn out because it is suppressed in the West; we are encouraged to have a stiff upper lip and not to cry out, What is needed is
1) permission to grieve and
2) permission to stop grieving. For many, the loss of an animal is their first experience of bereavement and this can happen in early childhood. Dr Parkes remembers vividly, to this day, the loss of his cat, Timmy, when he was 4 or 5 years old. He says that how parents handle it is crucial. Many parents make mistakes – by telling a story such as the pet has “gone away…..” and whisking the body away. Two children are seen putting crosses on a grave in the garden, and expressing their grief. Dr Parkes warns that clients may express anger irrationally, blaming the vet, and urges vets to be understanding. Dr Mary Stewart of Glasgow University Animal Vet School (and author of the book “Companion Animal Death”) understands; she has been through it herself. She takes clinical proficiency in vet practices for granted and says that what is needed is warmth.
(I agree. I am so lucky in the practice I use. When we lose an animal, they are all to some degree affected. It doesn’t take the pain away but it is comforting, like a soft bandage on a gaping wound, and it also helps greatly that others appreciate just how special the animal was).
Terminology. One of the vets always uses the term ‘put to sleep’ to clients, and stresses the importance of consent forms – so there is no doubt about what is happening. (I have heard a contrary argument that, if a child is told an animal is being ‘put to sleep’ there is an expectation that the animal will wake up again – or that ‘going to sleep’ will then be equated with death.)
To be present – or not – during euthanasia. The owners should always be given the choice, so that they can see the transition from life to peaceful death. For euthanasias at home, most owners will be capable of holding the animal and raising the vein for the injection but, if not, the vet John brings a nurse to the house. If it is done in the surgery, clients should also be offered some time on their own with the animal.
Disposal. The options of communal or individual cremation are discussed, as well as taking the animal home for burial. Clients should be asked whether they want the collar taken off at the time or later, and whether they want to take collar and lead home. If the client is unsure, vets are advised to keep these for a few days in case the client decides later that they want them.
Paying the bill. Choice can be given whether to settle up at the time, or have it sent.
Condolence letter. Vet John sends a handwritten letter to clients whose animals he has known well and reminds them to remember the good times and not to feel guilty. He thinks that sending a letter in every case is ‘over the top’. (I disagree: I find the letters very helpful).
Other animals. All the vets advise getting a younger animal as the first one ages, a) because it livens up the old one and b) because grief requires something to do – and it helps if, at a time of loss, there is another animal still to care for. Clients agreed, and it was stressed by all that the new one is not a replacement: this is impossible. (While I think that this will work for many people, it is not always practical and should not be regarded as a universal strategy).
To conclude: It is good to see so many issues covered, and the point well made that this kind of bereavement can be every bit as painful as grief for a human. It should be widely shown as part of awareness-raising in schools, colleges and workplaces, and every walk of life.
Filed under: No. 30 Feb '08
