TRIBUTE TO TAM
by Linda Bodicoat
Tam hadn’t been well since the end of November, when our vet diagnosed serious liver damage, which, at that time some kind of viral infection was thought to have been the cause. Personally, I was never convinced that it wasn’t something more sinister, but you have to investigate the obvious and follow a process of elimination in the first instance, and with the use of Samylin powders, (liver blockers) to support his liver enabling it to regenerate, he’d made some very good progress, but never regaining his normal level of activity.
Tam showed some signs of deterioration on Sunday and by Monday morning he was really ill. One of the partners at our vets saw him as an emergency and rushed through the blood screening. She also tapped his stomach to determine the nature of the build up of fluid that she’d detected. Unfortunately, it was blood, which seemed to indicate that the internal bleeding was possibly coming from a tumour, and although we can’t be sure, it’s likely that this was also connected with his liver problems. We could have had emergency surgery to try to establish what was going on, but in view of the poor state of his liver it was felt that he may not survive the surgery, or the anaesthetic. In view of his ’estimated’ age of 12 years, we decided that we couldn’t put him through such major surgery with little hope of recovery.
Once we received the call from the vet, we rushed back to the surgery to be with Tam while he was put to sleep, yesterday lunchtime. (Monday March 3rd ’08)
Yesterday was such a shock and the house is so very quiet. Today we are just going through the motions and missing him so much. Being a rescue, Tam had a very difficult first five years of his life and it took quite a number of years for him to settle down into the more happy, relaxed and fairly stable, dog he eventually became. Investing so much time, effort and emotion into helping him to adjust, makes it all the more difficult to readjust our lives now, but, with time, we’ll get there, just as we did with the other two.
Both Lass and Meg each have their own tree, which we planted in the garden a few years ago. Each tree has a brass plaque, engraved with their names and dates. Today, I’ve been to order one for Tam and I’ve spent the last few days writing letters to friends and relatives (Well, the ones who would care!) to let them know of our loss, this is, in itself, therapeutic and channels the grief into something positive and prevents me from too much time to reflect.
Tam
Come Home To Be With Me
I stood beside your bed last night, I came to have a peep,
I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep.
I whined to you so softly as you brushed away a tear, “It’s me,
I haven’t left you, I’m well, I’m fine, I’m here.”
I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,
You were thinking of the many times your hands reached down to me.
I was with you at the shops today, your arms were getting sore,
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.
I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care,
I want to reassure you that I’m not lying there.
I walked with you towards the house as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on you. I smiled and said “It’s me.”
You looked so very tired and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there.
It’s possible for me to be so near you every day,
To say to you with certainty, “I never went away.”
You sat there very quietly, then I smiled, I think you knew …
In the stillness of the evening, I was very close to you.
The day is over … I smile and watch you yawning,
And say “Goodnight, God bless, I’ll see you in the morning.”
And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I’ll rush across to greet you and we’ll stand, side by side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient. Live your journey out … then come home to be with me.
Anon.
Grateful thanks to DF reader Pauline Edington for sending us this truly beautiful poem.
Dear Debby,
As some of your readers will be already be aware, for centuries, animals have been the hidden victims of war; their involvement and contribution all but forgotten – Happily, over the last few years, a campaign is slowly gathering momentum which seeks to have their sacrifice and suffering more widely recognised and remembered. As a member of ‘The Anglican Society for the Welfare of Animals’ for many years, and also as a writer of hymns and prayers on a variety of animal welfare themes, I was asked, last year, by a colleague from the Liberal Catholic Church if I would consider writing a special prayer for Remembrance Sunday which focuses on Animals – The Hidden Victims of War.
In order to offer my personal support for this very important campaign, I have written and produced a brand new ‘Remembrance Prayer’ and also a new ‘Hymn of Remembrance’, which is sung to that wonderful tune, by Gustav Holst, the melody of which is Jupiter, from The Planets, better known as – I Vow to Thee My Country – I have chosen this particular tune because I personally feel it is very inspiring, yet, at the same time, poignant.
I wondered if some of your readers would be willing to help to promote and circulate this new material around the country, via animal charities, relatives, friends, clergy and laity, then hopefully, these new Remembrance Hymn and Prayer Cards will find their way into places of worship. Progress, will, I’m sure, be very slow and we will undoubtedly meet with some opposition, but I pray that, in time, Remembrance hymns and prayers for animals will be used as a matter of course and accepted by all denominations.
I include a price list, should any of your readers feel able to help with this project, and, as always, 20% of the proceeds will be donated to some of my favourite animal welfare charities within the UK. The remainder will be used to promote ‘Christian Animal Welfare’.
Special Thanks – Thanks to so many dedicated animal welfare supporters country-wide, donations made to animal charities, from sales of my book, cards and hymn leaflets have now broken through the £1,000 barrier! A heartfelt thank you to all who have so generously supported my work in the past!
Also, thank you, Debby, for so kindly allowing me to promote this special campaign material through Departed Friend. Having to say goodbye to our 12 year old rescue Border collie, Tam, at the beginning of March, this year, was extremely difficult and we are still working our way through the grief, taking each day as it comes. Having to focus my mind, in order to write the new hymn and prayer, has been an enormous help to me and both of these new works are dedicated to the memory of Tam.
With every blessing, yours, for the animals,
Linda J. Bodicoat
May 2008
Rose Cottage, Highfield Street, Earl Shilton, Leics. LE9 7HS. Tel: 01455 846085 Email: linjbrosecottage@aol.com
“Lest We Forget”
New – Remembrance Hymn Cards & Prayers Cards!
Prayer Card Packs – Price List (inclusive of P & P) – UK Only
10 x Prayer Cards = £ 2.50
25 x Prayer Cards = £ 4.95
50 x Prayer Cards = £ 8.95
100 x Prayer Cards = £14.50
250 x Prayer Cards = £29.50
Prayer Cards measure 10.5cm x 15cm approx & fits into a C6 Envelope
(not Supplied) RRP of 1 x Prayer Card is 25p each
Hymn Card Packs – Price List (inclusive of P & P) – UK Only
10 x Hymn Cards = £ 2.50
25 x Hymn Cards = £ 4.95
50 x Hymn Cards = £ 8.95
100 x Hymn Cards = £14.50
250 x Hymn Cards = £29.50
Hymn Cards measure 10cm x 21cm approx (1/3rd A4)
RRP of 1 x Hymn Card is 25p each
Cheques & Postal Orders Only Please IN THE WORKPLACEDeparted Friend no. 2 reported in May 2002 on the case of the Luton policeman who was refused time off to tend to his sick rabbit – and the furore that ensued in the Letters Page over the next 5 weeks, some people being sympathetic to him and others downright hostile. Here are some more examples of attitudes in the workplace:
Some years back, a girl in my office took “sick” leave for two days and when she came back was honest enough to admit that there had been nothing wrong with her but her Boxer had had to be put to sleep – he was the light of her life and fairly young. The boss went potty – completely OTT – and I said to him that he should appreciate that people mourn for their pets in the same way others mourn human loss. I asked him to look at her sad little face and to apologise and maybe even suggest she took the rest of that day off and I volunteered to cover her work. I waited for the explosion – but it never came and he went out to buy her a huge bunch of flowers and was really nice to her. She and I became great mates after that but sadly the situation is even worse now so I guess anyone taking leave because of a pet would have to lie!
Lynne R.
I was fortunate to have a very understanding boss so, when I knew that I was going to have to have my special girl put to sleep, I warned my boss that I might not be in a fit state to make it into work the next day. It was the quarterly Board Meeting, for which I always take the minutes, but the boss was fine. I did actually manage to go in to work, as I was in the numb stage and somehow I was able to function. At the end of the day, my boss congratulated me and said: “You did very well.”
Kitty P.
I was suffering from a flu-like virus at the same time as Ginger was diagnosed with cancer; we decided not to prolong his suffering. Mercifully I was therefore off sick when he was put to sleep, and in the few days after. If I had not been ill myself, I don’t know what I would have done – I could not bear the thought of going into work and explaining it to my manager would have been a non-starter: she has the sensitivity of a bulldozer.
Joan S.
Although attitudes towards taking time off work for animal bereavement still leave a great deal to be desired, there has been an encouraging development in recent years:
The Royal Mail had to pay one of its employees an undisclosed amount for firing an employee who had taken a week off work following the death of his dog:
David Portman took Royal Mail to an Employment Tribunal claiming he had been unfairly dismissed.
The week’s absence, the last in a series of absences, happened in 2004 and Portman was dismissed from his job as a result.
Portman’s lawyer argued that many of the previous absences were a result of workplace injuries, including a broken metatarsal which happened while he was on his rounds and kept him off work for 36 days. Portman also had to have 65 days off after he was involved in a car crash.
The crash was proven not to be his fault and Portman’s insurance company paid Royal Mail for the time he had off.
Plus, Portmans’s lawyer pointed out to the tribunal that Royal Mail’s own procedures say that time off following bereavement is not counted against an employee’s sickness record.
The tribunal ruled Portman had been off for legitimate reasons and that Royal Mail had failed to understand and apply its own policy. It also found that the company had been too inflexible in its interpretation of events.
Source: Workplace Law
Do you have any workplace experiences – good or bad – that you would like to share with Departed Friend?
Your Letters ………..……” *
I watched David Attenborough programmes. His tiger programme was marvellous, and I hope it educated people into seeing what a magnificent animal the tiger is and that if it became extinct what a loss to the world it would be. I was also enchanted by the story of Lobo the wolf who outwitted the bounty hunter set to trap him. Lobo only succumbed when his mate Blanca was trapped. His great loss broke Lobo’s resistance and he died of a broken heart. The story shows the other side of wolves, and humans who flirt from partner to partner would do well to learn from Lobo’s love, devotion and loyalty.
John Cowen
As the weeks have turned into months since Tam left us, the house and garden have been unbearably empty and quiet. Tam loved being outside and I have found it very difficult to spend time in the garden without his company.
Losing Tam has been especially difficult for me, as for a number of reasons it seems very unlikely that we will be able to consider adopting another dog. In the past, the thought of being able to offer a loving home to another deserving pet has always helped to ease the pain and loss. This time, however, I was left with an emptiness that has proved very difficult to deal with.
I have spent several decades working for Christian Animal Welfare, promoting prayer and concern for animals within the church, writing hymns, prayers and organizing services of thanksgiving for animals. Over the last few years, I have had to give up some of the things which have meant a great deal to me because of family commitments, and now, suddenly, I was also faced with the loss of Tam; a loss that left me overwhelmed with anger, and the feeling that, bit by bit, God was taking away everything that had been so important to me all my life. Everywhere we went, we saw other people happily walking their dogs, and we would come home to an empty house.
I railed at God, angry for Tam’s illness and sudden death; for the fact that we were no longer in a position to own another dog due to pressing family commitments. I felt as if, animal welfare-wise there was nothing left for me to do; that I could no longer play an active part in caring for His creatures . . .
Exactly one week following Tam’s death, I found myself having to make an unscheduled visit back to our vets! I went out into the garden to put out fresh food and water for the birds, only to disturb a Sparrow Hawk with a very newly caught young pigeon. The Hawk flew off and the trail of feathers led me to the poor bird which looked very shocked and dazed, but still very much alive, in spite of the fact that she looked almost oven-ready! I rushed to find some kind of container, scooped her up and went straight to the vets. I half expected her to be dead by the time I had driven there, but to my amazement, she had actually laid an egg, although being such a young bird, it was undeveloped and laid purely as a result of the shock. She was taken in and treated straight away. The wounds, I was told, were only superficial, but it was 50/50 as to whether she would survive, as many die of shock within a short time of being rescued.
Happily, the pigeon survived her ordeal, and after initial treatment for her wounds, she was taken to a wildlife volunteer who cared for her until her feathers grew back. She has since been released, but continues to stay around the garden of the volunteer who cared for her.
Just a few weeks later, a large wood pigeon decided to join us for breakfast in the dining room, via the chimney! After a nerve-wracking few moments trying to capture the sooty, rather ragged-looking bird, without displacing all the china on the dresser, it was placed into the only secure container I had to hand – a budgie cage! It was rather a tight fit, but once again, I made my way to the vets, the cage draped with old towels.
Sadly this one, in spite of putting up a brave fight, appeared to have some neurological problems and deteriorated rapidly.
I have also recently had to take in two hedgehogs, which regularly pass through our garden. Blossom, a large female, I’ve been able to release fairly quickly, after giving her bed, breakfast and an evening meal for several days, but the other one, Berry, a male, has two wounds on his back and side; possibly a dog or fox attack, or just a careless human with a garden fork!
I had to take Berry to the vets and while they don’t charge for seeing wildlife, I had to buy him some gel to put on the wounds, twice daily. He’s eating well and so today, I had to make an unscheduled trip to the shops to stock up on cat food.
In recent weeks, I have also found the strength and determination to write a new hymn, and also a prayer, both on the theme of Remembrance, focusing on Animals – The Hidden Victims of war. They are both dedicated to the memory of Tam.
So, what I expected would be, just empty days, spent missing Tam, have been filled with many opportunities to be of service to God’s precious creatures. Life really is so full of surprises and there really is always something that we can do to make a difference.
Linda J. Bodicoat.
Update on Berry
Over the May Bank Holiday weekend, Berry began to give me real cause for concern. Although he was still eating well, the wounds on his back and side were still showing no signs of healing. By the Monday, evening I was more than a little concerned about his general condition, so on the Tuesday morning, as soon as my veterinary surgery reopened, I telephoned to arrange for them to see him. After a lengthy examination, a third wound was found and the conclusion of the Vet was that, Berry possibly has some kind of systemic viral infection which was causing these multiple skin lesions to erupt.
I came home with some antibiotics, determined to do all I could to save him, but by mid afternoon it was very clear that he was now deteriorating rapidly. I telephoned the Veterinary Centre again and arranged to go back to see my vet right away to discuss the next course of action. It was decided that he would give Berry 24 hours of intensive care, with fluids and medication administered intravenously to see if he would respond. Sadly, Berry died peacefully during the night on May 27th 2008.
He was such a trusting little character, and such a shame that we lost the fight to save him. I’m just so pleased that I chanced upon him. Had I looked out of the window a split second later, I would have missed him. At least his last days were spent somewhere warm, safe and dry, with sufficient food and water to keep him comfortable.
God bless you, Berry, and grant you His peace and a share in His glorious Kingdom.
LB
Heartfelt thanks to all of you who sent such kind messages after receiving the sad news about our beautiful boy cat, Eric, in the last issue of Departed Friend. Your lovely cards, phone calls, letters and emails really did help. It does not feel like 3 months since he has been gone; he is still very much a part of our lives – and we miss him so much.We are lucky to have such understanding friends – and I feel for those who have no-one: people who are alone in the world, locked in silent grief, and those who may be reluctant to speak of their loss for fear of ridicule – from friends, family or work colleagues. Those of us who have personal experience of this special bereavement can dispel misunderstanding and help other people to realise that those who are
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Filed under: No. 31 Jun '08
