Departed Friend Newsletter no. 43 June 2011

Jessica My Beloved Forever Angel

~ Love Never Dies ~

 I only truly appreciated how special Jessica was when I lost her, I only wish I had realised it when she was living.  One consolation to me was that Jessica was taken from me when she was at her happiest & was at peace and loved so much, she went in dignity.  I have learnt from this and other experiences of pet loss that it is a special type of bereavement and you have to be discerning as to who you tell & confide in, as not everyone will understand or be compassionate or sympathetic.  Jessica was very much an individual, who was irreplaceable & unique & more precious than gold. 

I will never forget that fateful day, when my life would be changed forever. It was Sunday 23 August 2009 a lovely Summer’s Day, when I spied a tiny black cat with a cute white bib, sitting in the garden on the corner of the step, arms elegantly folded underneath her and her brow furrowed in thought, she looked lost in her thoughts and did not look happy. It was at that moment that I fell in love with her, I thought she was a beautiful cute little kitten.

She never had a good start in life, she had an abusive owner who neglected her and removed all her teeth, but she taught me to accept nothing less than love in my life and that abuse & bullying & jealousy is not love. She taught me that nobody should have to put up with abuse, we are all born to be treated with love & respect. She showed immense courage & strength by leaving her abusive owner and trusting and living with me. For 9 years and 8 months she did not know what love was or to be cared for before that.

It really feels like an important family member has left our lives, Jessica was loved by me so much, that I would do anything for her, and she was so worth it. She had so much to live for. I miss her terribly every day, but I am grateful to have shared my life and love with such a special angel who loved me unconditionally, like the love of a Mother, or the love of God, she brought me joy, fun, happiness & love and never hurt, bullied or abused me.

Jessica’s love was different than the complicated relationships of humans. She was always there for me, never criticized me or held grudges & always forgave me no matter what. Are there any humans in your life that have given to you that selflessly?　

I have so many happy memories in the 1 and half years that I felt privileged to have spent with her, I wish I had more time with her, but I was unprepared as she could not fight the illnesses anymore and I knew deep down in my heart that she was passing, but never gave up hope on her.

She taught me what real love was & to accept nothing less, to be loved and cared about.　

I will always love her and she is in my heart, I believe that she is still with me, but re-born in a better place, Love never dies and she will always be with me until the end.  I feel that I am beginning to heal from the dark traumatic days, and Jessica will be forever in my heart, forever in my life. True Love, like hers, never dies.

I just wanted to add that I was greatly helped, when I was arranging Jessica’s Service, by Linda Bodicoat’s book Return To The Fold, where I found the prayers and readings a source of peace and comfort, and the service was inspired by her book, she had also kindly rushed out her copy of the book to me in time for the Service.

                                                  Hazel Fernandes

 

 PARALLEL FEELINGS

Grieving and loving again

Something which people who lose a beloved companion animal often have to contend with, is well-meaning people advising them to “get another one” to help them “get over it”. 

 As Jane* observed:  ‘One of the problems with explaining to friends how I’m feeling is that most of them seem to think that everything will be OK re the emptiness in the house and missing Freddie if I get another dog asap or in the fullness of time.  I simply can’t handle hearing this the whole time.’

(*Names and some identifying details changed to preserve confidentiality).  

 Though the advice to “get another one” is usually well-intentioned, it is about as sensitive as advising someone who has just lost their partner to join a dating agency.  People need time to mourn and to decide for themselves when, or if, they want to have another animal. 

However, some people do choose to do so while still grieving, and they can derive much comfort and healing from starting to love and build a relationship with a new, entirely different, character who slowly but surely carves his or her unique place in the heart. The following people (whose special companions have featured in previous newsletters) have kindly allowed me to share their thoughts:

Valerie Lockwood (Benji and Lucky)

 The loss of Benji is still so strong (see newsletter no. 39, ed.) but loving our lovely Lucky is helping; bless him we love him so much, but my tears flow so often still, for Benji.                                    

 

In memory of our Beloved Benji  30–8–1994  Born 19–2–2010  Died     We love and miss you so very much, and always will. God bless my darling.

 

Kath Greenslade (Tace and Ty-Son)

 In Memory of Tace 1^st April 2010

 It’s Twelve Months since that sad Day the Angels came and      

took Our Precious Tace Away. We Still Love You and Miss 

        You So Very Much More

Than Words Can Say.

 And Think about You Each And Every Day.  We Still Feel the       

 Pain of losing you -  the pain will never go away.

 But Happy Memories of the eight Years we had with you are  locked in our hearts each and every day that passes until the  day we meet again.

 So Good Night God Bless You Tace

Please wait for us on the Rainbow Bridge

All our love and kisses to our loving Tace

                                                            

From Mum, Dad, Ben & Puppy Ty-Son

 On 12^th April we’ve had Ty-Son 12 months and it’s been a very happy 12 months.  He’s been so good, no bother at all. Tace was a little terror when she was his age, bless her, but he’s so different – shares his toys with you to play with him. Tace was very possessive over her toys; they were hers and that was it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ty-Son

 

 Carole Share (Harvey and Jasper)

 I still find it so so hard without Harvey and to talk or even think about him the pain hurts so much.  I have got another little dog name Jasper; he is a Black Roan.  He has helped me a lot.  I am putting a photo of Jasper in with this letter.

 

 Jasper

 

  Debby (Eric and Henry)

When our pale ginger boy Eric died on 13 February 2008, it was nearly two years before we  could contemplate  getting  another boy cat.  Then came our handsome black Henry. The feelings of getting to know and love him ran side by side with pangs of “If only Poppsy had not bullied Eric; why couldn’t she have liked him as much as she likes Henry?” and gestures and sounds and funny positions that Henry gets himself into that reminded us of Eric. But Henry has steadily been establishing his imprint – things he does and says, positions and rituals (like lying on my stomach at 5am, reaching over to lick Poppsy’s head as she sits on my pillow) which are entirely his – he is steadily weaving his own history into our lives.  

 We have now had Henry 18 months; he is not ‘Eric mark 2’; he is an individual in his own right – and a much-loved member of the family.

 

 

 Acquiring another Animal Companion whilst coming to terms with Recent Loss 

by Lynn Burman 

When Pollyangel (6) went on her last journey the pain of loss was indescribable (see DF no. 37) – no words can describe how empty and grief-stricken I felt, to the point of thinking it would not be possible to go on living without my dearest friend. 

Lincoln Cat Care were most supportive, as well as telling me about a 6 month old female cat in their care who no-one seemed to want.  She along with two others had been discovered in a dump-bin when only a few days old.  They asked if I would like to adopt her.  My initial instincts were it was not possible to replace the unique Pollyangel, no other cat could ever match up to her beautiful loving qualities. And yet, I was unable to get this other little one out of my head and my mind played tricks, thinking she may look like Polly, and that would be like having her back with me.  

The grief was raw – no companion to sit upon my lap and cuddle beside me on the bed at night.   

Through the continual tears I thought of the kitten no-one wanted, shut in a pen every day of her young life. 

No– I could not possibly adopt her – how disloyal to even consider doing so.  Pollyangel would be hurt to think I had gotten over her so soon. 

Throughout the conflicting thoughts and emotions, and in spite of them, I asked Cat Care to bring the little one to me so that we may try to connect.

She came so timid and afraid – I, so nervous and consumed with guilt.  A pretty young thing who immediately dashed under the sideboard and refused to come out.  The only thing to do was lie upon the floor, talk to her and hope she would eventually gain confidence and show herself.  She did, briefly, to eat and do a quick roll-over, before rushing back to her safe spot.

 I liked her yet felt no affection – just disloyalty and grief.

 Eventually I told myself I was not trying to replace Pollyangel, I was trying to give young Gracie a chance at life. 

 She slowly discovered confidence within herself to trust and to enjoy her days in play and sleep.

 Disappointment set in as she disliked being picked up or cuddled – she still does, but there is now one consolation, at least once a day she closes her pretty green eyes, lifts up her face to mine and plants a big kiss upon my mouth.  Oh, yes, she’s BIG on kisses, is our Gracie – I wonder who taught her.

 Two and a half years on, she has taken on an identity unique to only her and yes I do make comparisons still. Pollyangel was friendly, outgoing, loved company, whereas Grace has not overcome her timid streak and is afraid of people, and refuses to leave the room she has occupied since the day she arrived.

Not a day goes by when I do not remember Polly, and miss her.  I know it will always be this way – forever, but it doesn’t prevent me from loving baby Grace and allowing her a place within my heart.

Grace ~ 1 yr 6 mth old

 

REMINDER

In the last newsletter, I printed an appeal from      Diane Bramson, who is compiling an anthology of poetry in memory of her cat, Zoë, to raise funds for Cats Protection.  Thanks to those of you who have already responded.  She is still in need of poems on the theme of cats: a specific cat – with us now or not – cats in general, a particular aspect of cats’ behaviour or personality, how multiple cats live together, why we love cats so much etc etc.  The poems must be original and not copyright; they can be something you have written yourself for a beloved companion. Please spread the word and, if you have a poem for Diane, you can email it to her: diane@major7th.com

or post it to the Departed Friend address at the top of this newsletter, and I will forward it to Diane.

 Your Letters ……

Trevor was very pleased with the kind people who responded over his distress to the loss of Trollie.  (See DF no. 41). He continues to miss her … It will be his 31^st birthday on the 25^th May.  He is busy selling his BIG ISSUE with Jack and sends you the enclosed photo should you wish to include it in the newsletter. 

Lynn Burman 

 It’s coming up to that time of year again Jessie (See DF no. 32 – ed.) but every day is the same for me missing you and wishing you were here - missing you so much; you’re always with us and in our hearts.      Love mum and dad xx                                       

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts when we lost Bobbie… Also thank you for putting Bobbie’s Tribute into your News Letter (no. 42), it is very nice of you.  I’ve read it and printed it out, it is so lovely and I enjoyed the poems, I loved them all especially Pussycat Heaven, really pulls at your heart strings.  Have been onto the website which is really lovely and to read some of the tributes that other people have written is wonderful…    

Love Angie and Mick Bean x

 Many thanks for Departed Friend (no. 42) – What a lovely cat was Zoë.  I hope Di takes comfort from her lovely poem for Zoë. I can understand how Max’s owner feels his grief is still very raw.  I hope he takes a little comfort after writing his tribute to Max.   I have lost many cats, each one special in   their own way.  I am 77 years now but I still have 2 cats Susan (semi long fur dark tabby who was 14 years last November) Ellie (jet black almost 9 years) both from Cats Protection.

                                                                         Mrs M.C.

 TRIBUTES TO TIGGY AND JILL

from Mrs M.C. 

We were not too good at taking our cats’ photos, although someone once said to me you should take as many as possible because should something unforeseen happen, you will wish you had more photos of your pet.  I have had quite a few cats. One I will never forget was  a cat a previous neighbour asked me to home. I was asked if I would take on Tiggy in November and I agreed to look at her.  I heard no more until a rough and windy night January 3^rd to be exact.

A knock at the front door and there was my ex- neighbour with a cat basket.  We took it in and there was the saddest sight I have ever seen; a young female dark tortie that should have been full of health and energy wanting so very much to be loved.  She was skin and bone and covered with scabs due, I was told, to a flea allergy.  We had her treated and checked at the vets but they could not cure the allergy.  We gave her food which she was too excited to eat.  It was just the fact someone was taking notice of her. One thing I noticed after she had been with us a while she never wanted to go outside.  My own personal opinion is she was shut outside because of her condition which was no fault of her own, yet someone took the trouble to have her spayed.  She survived cat flu but passed away aged 9 years of stomach cancer.  It was heartbreaking to lose our little treasure who had suffered so very much and passed away far too young. I will never forget that last heartbreaking day on September 5^th 2005 at the vets.  I cried bitterly.  It didn’t seem fair that after such a poor start in life cancer took her from us.  “God Bless and Heal All Broken Hearts” until we all meet again.

I would also like to tell you about another cat I had in the past. She came from a lady 2 doors away who knew I wanted a ginger female kitten, so I had Jill, mainly ginger except for her white chest  and white on all 4 paws.  This was the year 1992. She grew up fast quite tall.  She was spayed quite young at about 6 months. Afterwards she lost some fur. She was vet checked but nothing wrong with her. If you sat   in  a  chair, she would drape herself across your shoulders.Another thing she did, if you were walking on the lawn or indoors she would jump on your back and never miss. I don’t know why she did this. I suppose it must have been her way of showing her love.As she reached 4 years I noticed her coat was quite thin and she had red blotches on her body in spite of flea treatment.  She cleaned herself constantly. She had to have steroids every 6 to 8 weeks which helped temporarily.  Gradually as she approached 11 years she got very quiet and would sleep on the stairs day and night, come downstairs, eat a small amount of food and have a drink and use her litter tray.  She got very thin, kept away from my other cats who I think sensed there was something wrong with her and didn’t go near her.Finally I could not allow her to stay like this and it was heartbreaking to watch her. She was put to sleep at just over 14 years. We did what we could for her but sad to say I wish with all my heart I could have done more.

  National Disgrace

The 2011 Grand National predictably saw the deaths of two beautiful horses in peak condition on the Aintree course. The eventual winner, Ballabriggs, was severely beaten in the final stages of the race; he was so exhausted and dehydrated that he required oxygen.  The winning jockey, Jason Maguire, has a record of beating horses.

 There was a national outcry, following the accidental screening during the race of one of the corpses, covered by a tarpaulin.  One horse died of a broken neck, the other suffered a broken back. 

 You can honour their memories and make sure they (and the 400+ horses who are raced to death every year) have not died in vain, by not betting on horse (or greyhound) racing and by getting involved in the campaign to Ban the Grand National. 

 Animal Aid has produced a hard-hitting and comprehensive information pack, which gives the grim facts behind the horseracing industry.  You can get the pack from Animal Aid: Tel +44 (0)1732 364546 or email info@animalaid.org.uk.   There is a petition, and suggested letters to write to your local paper and Member of Parliament.  The Grand National is deliberately hazardous – it should be banned.

 RIP Ornais and Dooneys Gate – killed on 9 April 2011 by the greed of humankind.

 

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