Departed Friend Newsletter No. 45 December 2011

≈ Seasonal Greetings to all our readers ≈

Unusual Memorials

 Many of us who have lost the animals we love choose to have a permanent memorial somewhere in the house or garden. This can help us to manage our grief, and also serve as a lasting testimony to the enduring love we hold for our departed friends.

It could be a memory book or box, or a shrine in a special corner of a room, or on a mantelpiece – with photographs, sympathy cards, ornaments, poems, perhaps his or her collar or other memento, and possibly an urn containing the precious ashes. It may be lit with candles, tealights or special lighting.

It could be a quiet area in the garden, with a plaque or headstone marking the burial place, with a dedicated inscription – perhaps there is special planting, with decoration, possibly including outdoor lighting for the dark nights ~ candles, tealights, LED lights.

As well as these more traditional ways of remembering our lost loved ones, there is an increasing number of more unusual memorials: some are out there on the market, and some are specially designed and commissioned by the owners themselves. I have a small heart-shaped locket; it contains some of Eric’s fur.  I also have a couple of    t-shirts with a photograph of Spirit which I had enlarged and printed on the front. (For tributes to Spirit and Eric, see DFs 1 and 30).

Here are some more ideas:

 Handmade jewellery from pawprint

Karan is a lady who makes personalised silver jewellery from your loved one’s pawprint (or finger, hand or footprint if human!).  Pendants, cufflinks, keyrings, charms for bracelets or mobile phones can be made to order.

Charms and cufflinks come in the following shapes: Traditional heart; modern heart (slanted); daisy; square; rectangle; circle; teardrop; oval; pear.

Karan can send you a print kit with full instructions, to send back in the envelope provided.

www.karanssilver.co.uk

email:  karanssilver@btinternet.com

Tel:  07546 955 511

Commemorative diamonds

These are a beautiful but expensive option. They can be grown from fur, nail clippings or cremated ashesand some people derive much comfort from wearing such a jewel. The stone can be set in some of the owner’s existing jewellery or designs from  the   provider. If preferred, bespoke designs can be created in consultation with the provider.  Hair or nail clippings from the human family can be added, to symbolise the mutual attachment and continuing bond.

www.heart-in-diamond.co.uk/

email:  roger@heart-in-diamond.co.uk

Tel:  08455 198 140

(UK details given here, but the website allows you to choose a country; there is also a “worldwide” option)

www.tomorrowstraditions.co.uk/

email: memories@tomorrowstraditions.co.uk

Tel:  0845 5000 140 and 01335 344 853

Tattoos

A tattoo of the departed pet is a comparatively unusual, and enduring, memorial.

“Kathy Eustace was devastated when her Siamese cat, Louie, died of cancer and was determined to cherish his memory for ever – so she had his face tattooed on her leg. ‘Louie was such a special cat’, the 39-year-old said. ‘When he died I was gutted, I couldn’t stop crying.

 ‘It might sound silly but we walked together in  life and  now  we can  in death too.  The tattoo artist  made  such  a beautiful job of it. I feel happy every time I look at it.’ Tattooist Nick Reid, who did the portrait of three-year-old Louie, said: ‘Kathy was a lovely person.  It was obvious that she really loved her cat and wanted the tattoo.’”

Metro, 14.07.08: “Louie’s memory lives on in Cattoo”  – article by Jo Steele

 Creative floral tributes

DF reader Kath Greenslade had this beautiful flower arrangement made as a memorial to her beloved Yorkie, Tace, on what wouldhave been her 10^th birthday.  It is so unusual and creative, and a wonderful way to commemorate such a poignant anniversary.

 

If you can think of any other unusual memorials, we would be interested to hear from you.

 *

Pet Portraits ….To raise money for DF

Artist and poet Paulette Ng, whose kind offer of a raffle in aid of DF was featured in the last newsletter, has also offered to donate the proceeds to Departed Friend from paintings commissioned by those who do not wish to enter a raffle. So, if you would like a beautiful portrait of your companion (departed or still with you) please let me know and I will forward your details to Paulette.

A pet portrait could also make a lovely birthday or seasonal gift for someone else ~ at the same time as helping Departed Friend.

 

A Request for Info

DF reader Julie Hasler is doing a distance learning course on Advanced Feline Psychology with the Animal Care College (the same College as I did my Companion Animal Bereavement course). One of the units for the course is a Special Study on a topic of the student’s own choosing. Julie has decided that hers will be on Feline Bereavement (i.e. cats grieving for lost loved ones ~ these can be humans or other animals the cats were attached to, who have died or for whatever reason are no longer in the cats’ life).

If you know personally of any examples, or of any studies done on the subject, Julie would be very grateful to hear from you as soon as possible.  Please send me the information and I will pass it on to her.

(Those of you who are online have already received this appeal and can send the info to Julie’s email address – or to me and I will pass it on.  Thanks to all who have already responded). 

 Tribute to JACK

Jack Flash was a special friend.  He was my adopted pony; I adopted him for 13 and a half years.  I was only 14 years old when I first adopted him.  He was chestnut and bits of white on him.

He used to walk around when I first adopted him when I groomed him.  I loved Jack and got very attached to him.  He lived in a rescue centre.  His mother stood on his legs when he was a foal.  He couldn’t be ridden.  I enjoyed seeing him and grooming him.

I looked forward to seeing him for many years, took lots of photos.  Jack used to go a darker colour in the Winter and lighter in the Summer.

I was shocked when he was taken off the adoption. It was difficult to see him.  I then used to go on at them – the  people used to try and stop me. He had arthritis; it got worse because of the cold weather.

I found it stressful not knowing how he was. I found out a month after he was put down. I feel upset and angry. I wish I had seen him more; guilty I wasn’t there nearer the end. Miss him ~ love Jack always. Sorry he was in so much pain. It is horrible when this happens.

I am thinking about adopting another horse or pony or horse and pony. But I will never forget Jack.

Best wishes from Zoë

Dedication to KITTY

Would you please include a dedication to our dear little cat Kitty who we had to have pts last Wednesday.

We adopted Kitty (12 at the time) along with another cat from the same home (15 at the time) from a local sanctuary 2 years ago. They had both been dumped there by their previous owners.

A few months ago Kitty developed the human equivalent of IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). She was treated at our local vet’s and seemed to get better, but then went downhill, then her condition improved, but it alternated all the time. She was on various medications but lost weight and interest in food.

We made a decision that her quality of life meant she couldn’t continue like this and with a heavy heart had her pts.

Kitty had such a lovely nature, she was happiest sitting on Geoffrey’s lap and we loved her dearly.

Although it was terribly upsetting to lose her, we were glad we were there for her at the end and she will always have a special place in our hearts. Goodbye sweet princess, until we meet again.

Sharon Hopkins

Purple Poppy Stall

On 29 October 2011, in the run-up to Remembrance Sunday, a Purple Poppy stall was held in Luton Town Centre, for Animal Aid’s fundraising and awareness campaign to commemorate animals who suffer and die in war (see also DF44). This was organised by DF reader Caroline Turner with Peter and me helping out. Shoppers and passers-by showed great interest and sympathy with the plight of animals in war. Many people (of all ages and walks of life) bought poppies or gave a contribution.  Donations on the day totalled £75.  A further £81 was raised when Caroline took a collecting tin and a tray of poppies to her vet surgery!

 **

The following poem was written at the time of World War I. There is very little known about the author: Was he a serving soldier?  Was he a civilian poet?  He is shrouded in mystery, but his moving and eloquent poem lives on:

 A Soldier’s Kiss

by Henry Chappell

Only a dying horse! pull off the gear,

And slip the needless bit from frothing jaws,

Drag it aside there, leaving the road way clear,

The battery thunders on with scarce a pause.

Prone by the shell-swept highway there it lies

With quivering limbs, as fast the life-tide fails,

Dark films are closing o’er the faithful eyes

That mutely plead for aid where none avails.

Onward the battery rolls, but one there speeds

Needlessly of comrades voice or bursting shell,

Back to the wounded friend who lonely bleeds

Beside the stony highway where he fell.

Only a dying horse! he swiftly kneels,

Lifts the limp head and hears the shivering sigh

Kisses his friend, while down his cheek there steals

Sweet pity’s tear, “Goodbye old man, Goodbye”.

No honours wait him, medal, badge or star,

Though scarce could war a kindlier deed unfold;

He bears within his breast, more precious far

Beyond the gift of kings, a heart of gold.

 

It is not known whether the poem was inspired by this picture “Goodbye Old Man” by Fortunio Matania, (see also DF26) or vice-versa, or whether the one was meant to complement the other.

Your letters ……

 Thank you so much for helping Caroline with the street collection in Luton this year.  The total for the day was £75. The work that all Animal Aid’s co-ordinators and helpers undertake at street collections is so important. Not only are you fundraisers and campaigners but you are a direct link with the public. Best wishes and thank you for all your support.

 Karin Watts – Senior Fundraising Officer: Animal Aid

Thank you for including Domino’s poem and photograph in “Departed Friend” (See DF44, ed.) It’s beautiful – just how he was when he was on earth. I could feel his presence when I looked at it. Carling seems to be a bit more settled now. Perhaps he can sense Domino around him too? Jasmine is her usual self, in a world of her own, but she seems to have better health of late and seldom coughs now.

As always, “Departed Friend” is lovely, with its stories of beloved pets, and very comforting to read. Unfortunately, the story about the unwanted puppy “I Died Today” is all too common. I don’t know why such people ever have pets in the first place. Perhaps they are a novelty that wears off after a time?

I hope all your pets are well.

Love from Helen

 On Friday afternoon I had a driving lesson; didn’t feel much like it as Tace was on my mind. But as the lesson went on after an hour or so, rain off and on, the most beautiful rainbow stretched right across the road I was driving. I said to my instructor: “Look at that”. He said: “Yes, I think it’s the most beautiful rainbow I’ve seen.”  Also it was totally unbroken so I told him about our Tace and he was as amazed as me, even though he has no pets.  I still can’t believe it on a November day it’s unusual; it’s like she was saying “Thank You” to us and “Don’t be upset; I’m here close to you.”

Tomorrow I’m going to our local pet cemetery.  I’m deciding to have both Shelly and Tace put to final rest. It’s going to be hard but I can’t keep them here in the house forever. We haven’t decided yet to have the ashes buried or scattered; I’ll let you know. I don’t think I’ll have it done until the New Year as I want them here one last Christmas with us. I’ve had Shelly’s ashes 10 years so it’s hard, but I know I need to do this one last thing for my babies.

Kath Greenslade

My dear Shelly ~ Left us 28.12.2001

Age 13 years plus

Horse Cemetery

Queen Anne’s Folly ~ Shuttleworth Estate

While enjoying a country walk on the Shuttleworth Estate, near Old Warden, Bedfordshire, we came across this small building. It  is  called  Queen  Anne’sFolly and it is a historic summerhouse.  I discovered  afterwards that it can be rented as a holiday home via the Landmark Trust.

In the grounds surrounding the Folly, I came across thirteen gravestones which I suspected were those of animals, rather like the Dog Cemetery I had discovered in  the  grounds  of anotherstately home, Wrest Park in Silsoe, also in Bedfordshire (see DF8).

 

Somehow, I did not think that these were dogs’ gravestones, especially when I saw the inscription for one of them, named Black Boy. The lifespan  was,  I felt, too long to be that of a dog.

 

 

Black Boy

                       Acquisit April 24^th 1876

                     Ob. December 3^rd 1896

I pictured in my mind’s eye the events of long ago: the acquisition of the handsome young colt on a fine Spring day – and twenty years later, the sad event of his death.  I wondered how he had died (of old age?) and I wondered what his life had been like.

From the inscriptions that were still legible, I managed to read the names of some of his stablemates: Suggie, Matador, Budge. They had all obviously been much loved, and it is heartwarming to know that their memorials still survive.

Well-known poet Benjamin Zephaniah (53) is a passionate defender of both human and animal rights.

He left school at 13, unable to read or write, and has Dyslexia. He is a prolific author of poems, novels, songs, children’s books and plays.

I have seen him in person on two occasions: once at a human rights event, and once when he came to read some of his poetry in Luton ~ including the poem reproduced below.

He is an honorary patron of the Vegan Society (having become a vegan when he read poems about shimmering fish floating in an underwater paradise, and birds flying free in the clear blue sky).

Talking Turkeys !

a poem by Benjamin Zephaniah

Be nice to yu turkeys dis christmas
Cos ‘ turkeys just wanna hav fun
Turkeys are cool, turkeys are wicked
An every turkey has a Mum.
Be nice to yu turkeys dis christmas,
Don’t eat it, keep it alive,
It could be yu mate, an not on your plate
Say, Yo! Turkey I’m on your side.

I got lots of friends who are turkeys
An all of dem fear christmas time,
Dey wanna enjoy it, dey say humans destroyed it
An humans are out of dere mind,
Yeah, I got lots of friends who are turkeys
Dey all hav a right to a life,
Not to be caged up an genetically made up
By any farmer an his wife.

Turkeys just wanna play reggae
Turkeys just wanna hip-hop
Can yu imagine a nice young turkey saying,
‘I cannot wait for de chop’,
Turkeys like getting presents, dey wanna watch christmas TV,
Turkeys hav brains an turkeys feel pain
In many ways like yu an me.

I once knew a turkey called…….. Turkey
He said “Benji explain to me please,
Who put de turkey in christmas
An what happens to christmas trees?”,
I said “I am not too sure turkey
But it’s nothing to do wid Christ Mass
Humans get greedy an waste more dan need be
An business men mek loadsa cash’.

Be nice to yu turkey dis christmas
Invite dem indoors fe sum greens
Let dem eat cake an let dem partake
In a plate of organic grown beans,
Be nice to yu turkey dis christmas
An spare dem de cut of de knife,
Join Turkeys United an dey’ll be delighted
An yu will mek new friends ‘FOR LIFE’.

Departed Friend Newsletter no. 44 September 2011

Following her tribute to Jessica and the feature on the parallel feelings of grieving and loving again (DF no. 43) Hazel Fernandes has sent us this moving account of life with her other cat:

Marmalade Angel Francisco Fernandes

When I saw Marmalade for the first time, he hissed at me like a snake!  He was very much a free-spirited semi-feral cat who liked to roam around the neighbour-hood back gardens with a colony of strays.  I had merely opened the back door and briefly glimpsed him, but he greeted me with an angry hiss. He was too afraid to approach me, as he was a stray, and like Jessica was deeply mistrustful of humans, but gradually I talked to him softly in a high-pitched voice and gave him morsels of food & he learned to trust me.

 He was fearful and afraid of humans, I thought that he was bullied, and he was very thin too, but after I adopted him he burst forth and blossomed into the beautiful cat he is today, he is very much King of his  Castle!

He learnt his name quickly, before he moved in he was the first one to investigate his new home & check it was suitable for himself & Jessica.  He used to visit Jessica every day, as they were inseparable, and to see if she was OK.  I found out that he was a very intelligent cat. He is very much a tactile cat and loved to sit on my lap and stretch out his long paws.  I love watching him stretch, as I think he looks like a soldier. He is fascinated by water & enjoys watching it & even drinking out of the bath & sink.

On Friday 20 May, my Marmalade went out to play outdoors, and he did not return home until 6pm, we were concerned, as he usually pops in, time to time to see what’s going on, and when he did come home he was sneezing non-stop, he did eat his meal, but he was rather weak and not his normal self, he did not want to be close to me at night.

On Saturday 21 May at 11.40am, I took Marmalade to the vet’s.  I explained that I did not know how old he was, and that I found him as a stray, and nobody looked for him for One and a Half Years.  I also told the vet that Marmalade was sneezing non-stop.

The vet took various tests and said he thought Marmalade might have Cat ‘Flu or maybe he had eaten something that he should not or had a piece of grass stuck up his nose.  He then scanned Marmalade for a microchip, as this was the protocol for strays, at first he could not find anything, then he found a chip.

He wrote down the number and told me that he wanted to track down the owner, and my heart sank as I had bonded with him for one and half years. I had just lost Jessica 2 months ago and it looked like I would be losing another cat now, so I left the practice with a heavy heart.

On Monday 23 May I telephoned the vets to ask them about the chip, and the veterinary nurse told me that the owner was happy for me to own Marmalade & that they had had him from a kitten and that he had run away as a stray because they had had a baby.  I was overjoyed that at last I had Marmalade & found a little information about him.

On Thursday 26 May I telephoned Pet Log and it transpired that I needed a 15 digit number, which I obtained eventually.  Pet Log said that they would register Marmalade with me, and they told me that he was born in 2008 and that his name was ANGEL!

I was speechless when they told me his original name, and now I call Marmalade “Angel”, because he really is my Angel, the most perfect cat in every way, he is beautiful, kind, caring, intelligent, has a curious mind, playful, friendly & healing, he is our first boy cat, and I am overjoyed that we found each other, and that my Angel Jessica brought him to me, as he used to watch us play and trusted me.

Marmalade has had to learn to use a litter tray and is not used to drinking water from the bowl, so I got him a Cat water fountain.  He is one of the best things to happen to me, every day is full of happiness when he is part of the fabric of my life, and he is so beautiful I cannot take my eyes of him, he is truly my gorgeous boy!

I promised Jessica, on the day that she went to Heaven that I would take care of Marmalade, as before she died, she sat up, sniffed his chest & kissed him on his mouth to say goodbye.  Marmalade acted like a little man, when I was grieving, licking my hand & extending his paws, he used to cry at night for the love of his life, that he lost. He is beautiful, loving, caring and a healing cat;
his quiet presence is heavenly.

From the Media

A dog lover has won permission to be buried alongside his ‘closest companions’ – in a pet cemetery. Retired escapologist Karl Bartoni is thought to be the first person in the country to be allowed to be laid to rest with his dogs. And he has taken the unusual step of already having his gravestone installed over the spot where his dogs are buried – while he is still alive.

Karl, 62, said: ‘I wanted to be buried withCharlie and Barney because the cemetery is a really nice place, with lovely scenery and lovely views. It’s very well kept – it just shows that people really did care about their pets.

Barney, a short-haired border collie, died in 1994 and Karl’s vet recommended Rossendale Pet Crematorium.

But by the time his Yorkshire terrier Charlie died last year Karl was working on convincing crematorium bosses to change their minds (they had initially refused him permission to be buried there  ed.)

He contacted the borough solicitor, the county planning office, the waste disposal authority and the police – and found nobody had any objections.

Now the cemetery has set aside space for 40 people  to be buried – and 10 people have already booked spaces.

Rossendale Pet Crematorium has more than 2,500 animals, ranging from small birds and hamsters to horses, buried in its Crawshawbooth grounds.

Manager Russell Gray said: ‘It’s a very special and  peaceful place, which is why many people choose it for their pets. In many ways it’s much better kept and loved than a human cemetery.’

Leigh Hargreaves, bereavement officer at Rossendale council, said: ‘Although this is a somewhat unusual request it is perfectly legal as long as various conditions are followed.’

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1365054/Dog-lover-buried-alongside-dogs-PET-cemetery.html#ixzz1ZT44tDPK

With thanks to DF reader Jackie Bean for this inspiring article which was published in
the Daily Mail on 11.03.2011.

*

With thanks to Hazel Fernandes for sending us the links to these websites, which helped her in her time of grief:

http://www.2ndchance.info/grieving.htm

http://www.angelbluemist.com/aplaceforus.html

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/coping-with-death-of-pet.html

http://www.pet-loss.net/

http://www.ratcliffe.org/cats/bereave.shtml

http://www.angelanimals.net/

http://www.angelanimals.net/stories.html

 

Domino

(2002 – 2011)

 

Who wrecked the flowers while still in bloom,

Then  scattered them around the room –

Until the carpet met its doom?

A  naughty cat called Domino.

 

Who broke the curtain-rail in two,

And clawed the curtains which were new,

Then dropped his toy mouse in the stew?

A naughty cat called Domino.

 

Who went in search of a mouse or rat,

But caught instead a baby bat,

Then laid it on the kitchen mat:

A naughty cat called Domino.

 

Who screamed and screamed while at the vets’

And frightened all the other pets,

Then licked his paws with no regrets?

A naughty cat called Domino.

 

Who broke his mummy’s heart in two

When he disappeared from earthly view,

And left this world for pastures new?

A precious cat called Domino.

 

Now that he has gone before,

His naughty antics are no more –

Who waits for me on a distant shore?

A much loved cat called Domino.

 Helen Constance

Your letters

 

I love your newsletter, although it’s sad your stories focus on an enduring love and the pleasure brought into the lives of both animals and humans. The story  of Jessica is so moving. It is incredible that no matter what harrowing experiences our pets have been through, shown love they return it ten-fold with their own love and trust. It is wonderful that Jessica was so loved at the end of her life.

Thank you so much for mentioning us at the back of the newsletter. (See Resources – ed.)  Many thanks and keep up the good work.
Warm wishes,

~ Janet Wheatley Executive Assistant, Dr Hadwen Trust for Humane Research

Just a few lines to say a Big Hello…. Well I managed to do the Table Top for the memory of my dear German Shepherd Shelly who left us 10 years on  28 December coming age 13 plus, also my dear little Tace who we so sadly lost on 1^st April 2010.  I hope this small donation will help you keep your services going and help others like you’ve helped me.  Bless you.

Kath Greenslade

We are most grateful to Kath Greenslade for her kindness in holding a Table Top sale especially for DF, in memory of her beloved dogs, and for the resulting donation, which will indeed be very useful in keeping the service going.  Ed.

Unfinished Business

A lovely afternoon drinking at a country pub, followed by a walk in the fields, ended abruptly in tragedy.  It was the first Saturday in September and I felt restless, couldn’t settle to anything ~ I had the sense that something was going to happen, and I could not tell whether it was going to be good or bad.  We decided to go out.

We had lunch and a drink at one of our favourite pubs; we like it because it has a beautiful garden and most people prefer to eat and drink inside, so we often have the garden to ourselves.  That day, however, other people had the same idea and the garden was slowly filling up.  So we decided to go to our other favourite, which also has a garden ~ a very large one overlooking a fantastic view of fields, often with cows or a bull or two.

Having sat with our drinks, relaxing and enjoying the view, and the sight of the Red Kites circling in the sky, we decided to go for a walk.  We crossed a couple of fields, populated by young cows, mostly lying down for an afternoon rest.

Something caught my eye lying still in the grass; it was a rabbit.  I thought it was dead and went up to it to have a look.  To my horror, it was still breathing, although obviously extremely unwell.  A quick look at the swollen pus-filled sacs where its eyes used to be confirmed my worst suspicions; the poor thing had advanced myxomatosis.  It looked so patient lying there waiting for death, and I stroked its back and tried to keep the flies away from its face.  I knelt for ages, stroking it and willing it to die, a turmoil of thoughts going round in my mind; the main one being acute sadness and anger ~ it was so unfair, what harm that that gentle creature ever done to a single living being? I wished I had the knowledge and the means to put it out of its misery.  Once or twice I thought it had stopped breathing and I was relieved; but it started again.  Whether it was conscious I do not know, but  it was in no obvious hurry to make things easier either for me or for itself. I wanted to stay with it until the end. I was struck by my own selfishness.  Though I felt that for some strange reason I was meant to be witness to this everyday tragedy of nature, my feelings did not matter; what was important was that the rabbit should not suffer longer than necessary.  Animals (and humans for that matter) often wish to die alone so, very reluctantly, we granted the creature its privacy and went home……….

However, an hour or two later, we both felt we had to go back and, if necessary, do something.  We took with us the wherewithal to give it instant release.   I hoped we would find it dead, or if it were still alive that I would find the courage to do the deed quickly and cleanly.

When we reached the place, the rabbit was gone.  There was not a single trace to show that it had ever been there.  It could not have moved far and we did look round to make absolutely sure.  We saw a couple of small feathers, and we guessed a fox, or more likely a Red Kite, had done nature’s work.  At least the rabbit’s suffering would now be over; I hope it was dead before the predator arrived.

Debby

A GENEROUS OFFER

DF reader Paulette Ng is an artist as well as a poet (See DF no. 42 for her poem in tribute to Baby Baishey and ‘Pussycat Heaven’ – ed.)  She has kindly offered to paint a portrait of your pet – whether a departed friend or still with you – as the prize for a raffle, the proceeds to be donated to DF.

Please let me know if you are interested in taking part in the raffle, or whether you would just like Paulette to paint your pet’s portrait anyway.  If there are enough people interested, I will find out how to set up a raffle.  If you want to commission a portrait without entering a raffle, please let me know and I will forward your details to Paulette so she can quote you a price.

Below is her portrait of a Caracal; I think you will agree it is very striking and captures perfectly the essence of this beautiful creature.  Ed.

Watch this space…

I was helping with a street collection for Animal Aid one Saturday and got chatting to some film students who asked if I knew of any Dog Rescue organisations; they were making a video on comparative attitudes towards dogs in England and Nigeria. I gave them a Departed Friend business card, so they could visit the blog and look in the Resources section.

A couple of weeks later, they rang to ask if I would like to take part in their video; they had been interviewing dog owners and those who had lost dogs, and now wanted input from a bereavement counsellor. I willingly agreed. They came round one evening and filmed for about two hours, asking challenging, interesting questions.  I really had to think hard before I answered.  For example, “Is England a nation of animal lovers?” has no easy answer – There are devoted people who bond with them as family members; and those who neglect them by indifference or ignorance; and violent, inhuman people who take pleasure in deliberately causing them pain. The interview allowed me plenty of scope to give my thoughts on our relationship with animals in general, and with dogs in particular.

The project was set up by Youth With A Mission, and the video will be available on YouTube some time in December. It will be 12 minutes long. My slot will be condensed to about 1 minute.  They have promised to tell me when it is ready and I will let everyone know when I have the details.

Debby

I died today

I died today. You got tired of me and took me to the shelter. They were overcrowded and I drew an unlucky number. I am in a black plastic bag in a landfill now. Some other puppy will get the barely used leash you left. My collar was dirty and too small, but the lady took it off before she sent me to the Rainbow Bridge.  Would I still be at home if I hadn’t chewed your shoe?  I didn’t know what it was, but it was leather, and it was on the floor. I was just playing. You forgot to get puppy toys. Would I still be at home if I had been housebroken? Rubbing my nose in what I did only made me ashamed that I had to go at all. There are books and obedience teachers that would have taught you how to teach me to go to the door. Would I still be at home if I hadn’t brought fleas into the house? Without anti-flea medicine, I couldn’t get them off of me after you left me in the yard for days. Would I still be at home if I hadn’t barked? I was only saying, “I’m scared, I’m lonely, I’m here, I’m here! I want to be your best friend.” Would I still be at home if I had made you happy? Hitting me didn’t make me learn how. Would I still be at home if you had taken the time to care for me and to teach manners to me? You didn’t pay attention to me after the first week or so, but I spent all my time waiting for you to love me. I died today.

 Love, Your Puppy

 Thanks to DF reader Julie Hasler who found this on Poorly Paws Rescue on Facebook ~ it says it all. ed.

Animals and War

 The purple poppy* has been designed to commemorate animals who have lost their lives as a result of human conflict. While people have always remembered the human victims of  war, the impact that conflicts have had on animals has been essentially  overlooked.

Animals have been used for detection, scouting and rescue, as messengers, as beasts of burden and on the  frontline. And vast numbers of animals – in farms and zoos, for instance – continue to be bystander victims when conflicts start. But this is not all.  In secret UK Ministry of Defence research laboratories, more than 20,000 animals each year are destroyed with chemical, biologial and other weapons.

As Remembrance Day draws near, we can start to think about wearing a purple poppy – alongside the traditional red one or the white peace poppy.  We will finally be acknowledging that millions of animals have been drawn into conflicts not of their own making and have lost their lives as a result.

The Purple Poppy campaign is run by Animal Aid to raise awareness about the use of animals in warfare and to raise funds for their campaigns against animal cruelty.  I will be wearing a purple poppy this year,  as well as helping to sell them in my town centre.  If you want to buy a poppy or organise a collection, get in touch with Animal Aid.  They will help you make the arrangements for a collection.  The poppy box is ideal for displaying in your local vet’s surgery, library, post office or anywhere that has a counter on which to put the box. You could also sell the poppies at a collection in your local supermarket.

*Information from Animal Aid

The Old Chapel, Bradford Street, Tonbridge, Kent, TN9 1AW

tel +44 (0)1732 364546, fax +44 (0)1732 366533,

email info@animalaid.org.uk Website:  www.animalaid.org.uk

See also DF no. 26  – ed.

Departed Friend Newsletter no. 43 June 2011

Jessica My Beloved Forever Angel

~ Love Never Dies ~

 I only truly appreciated how special Jessica was when I lost her, I only wish I had realised it when she was living.  One consolation to me was that Jessica was taken from me when she was at her happiest & was at peace and loved so much, she went in dignity.  I have learnt from this and other experiences of pet loss that it is a special type of bereavement and you have to be discerning as to who you tell & confide in, as not everyone will understand or be compassionate or sympathetic.  Jessica was very much an individual, who was irreplaceable & unique & more precious than gold. 

I will never forget that fateful day, when my life would be changed forever. It was Sunday 23 August 2009 a lovely Summer’s Day, when I spied a tiny black cat with a cute white bib, sitting in the garden on the corner of the step, arms elegantly folded underneath her and her brow furrowed in thought, she looked lost in her thoughts and did not look happy. It was at that moment that I fell in love with her, I thought she was a beautiful cute little kitten.

She never had a good start in life, she had an abusive owner who neglected her and removed all her teeth, but she taught me to accept nothing less than love in my life and that abuse & bullying & jealousy is not love. She taught me that nobody should have to put up with abuse, we are all born to be treated with love & respect. She showed immense courage & strength by leaving her abusive owner and trusting and living with me. For 9 years and 8 months she did not know what love was or to be cared for before that.

It really feels like an important family member has left our lives, Jessica was loved by me so much, that I would do anything for her, and she was so worth it. She had so much to live for. I miss her terribly every day, but I am grateful to have shared my life and love with such a special angel who loved me unconditionally, like the love of a Mother, or the love of God, she brought me joy, fun, happiness & love and never hurt, bullied or abused me.

Jessica’s love was different than the complicated relationships of humans. She was always there for me, never criticized me or held grudges & always forgave me no matter what. Are there any humans in your life that have given to you that selflessly?　

I have so many happy memories in the 1 and half years that I felt privileged to have spent with her, I wish I had more time with her, but I was unprepared as she could not fight the illnesses anymore and I knew deep down in my heart that she was passing, but never gave up hope on her.

She taught me what real love was & to accept nothing less, to be loved and cared about.　

I will always love her and she is in my heart, I believe that she is still with me, but re-born in a better place, Love never dies and she will always be with me until the end.  I feel that I am beginning to heal from the dark traumatic days, and Jessica will be forever in my heart, forever in my life. True Love, like hers, never dies.

I just wanted to add that I was greatly helped, when I was arranging Jessica’s Service, by Linda Bodicoat’s book Return To The Fold, where I found the prayers and readings a source of peace and comfort, and the service was inspired by her book, she had also kindly rushed out her copy of the book to me in time for the Service.

                                                  Hazel Fernandes

 

 PARALLEL FEELINGS

Grieving and loving again

Something which people who lose a beloved companion animal often have to contend with, is well-meaning people advising them to “get another one” to help them “get over it”. 

 As Jane* observed:  ‘One of the problems with explaining to friends how I’m feeling is that most of them seem to think that everything will be OK re the emptiness in the house and missing Freddie if I get another dog asap or in the fullness of time.  I simply can’t handle hearing this the whole time.’

(*Names and some identifying details changed to preserve confidentiality).  

 Though the advice to “get another one” is usually well-intentioned, it is about as sensitive as advising someone who has just lost their partner to join a dating agency.  People need time to mourn and to decide for themselves when, or if, they want to have another animal. 

However, some people do choose to do so while still grieving, and they can derive much comfort and healing from starting to love and build a relationship with a new, entirely different, character who slowly but surely carves his or her unique place in the heart. The following people (whose special companions have featured in previous newsletters) have kindly allowed me to share their thoughts:

Valerie Lockwood (Benji and Lucky)

 The loss of Benji is still so strong (see newsletter no. 39, ed.) but loving our lovely Lucky is helping; bless him we love him so much, but my tears flow so often still, for Benji.                                    

 

In memory of our Beloved Benji  30–8–1994  Born 19–2–2010  Died     We love and miss you so very much, and always will. God bless my darling.

 

Kath Greenslade (Tace and Ty-Son)

 In Memory of Tace 1^st April 2010

 It’s Twelve Months since that sad Day the Angels came and      

took Our Precious Tace Away. We Still Love You and Miss 

        You So Very Much More

Than Words Can Say.

 And Think about You Each And Every Day.  We Still Feel the       

 Pain of losing you -  the pain will never go away.

 But Happy Memories of the eight Years we had with you are  locked in our hearts each and every day that passes until the  day we meet again.

 So Good Night God Bless You Tace

Please wait for us on the Rainbow Bridge

All our love and kisses to our loving Tace

                                                            

From Mum, Dad, Ben & Puppy Ty-Son

 On 12^th April we’ve had Ty-Son 12 months and it’s been a very happy 12 months.  He’s been so good, no bother at all. Tace was a little terror when she was his age, bless her, but he’s so different – shares his toys with you to play with him. Tace was very possessive over her toys; they were hers and that was it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ty-Son

 

 Carole Share (Harvey and Jasper)

 I still find it so so hard without Harvey and to talk or even think about him the pain hurts so much.  I have got another little dog name Jasper; he is a Black Roan.  He has helped me a lot.  I am putting a photo of Jasper in with this letter.

 

 Jasper

 

  Debby (Eric and Henry)

When our pale ginger boy Eric died on 13 February 2008, it was nearly two years before we  could contemplate  getting  another boy cat.  Then came our handsome black Henry. The feelings of getting to know and love him ran side by side with pangs of “If only Poppsy had not bullied Eric; why couldn’t she have liked him as much as she likes Henry?” and gestures and sounds and funny positions that Henry gets himself into that reminded us of Eric. But Henry has steadily been establishing his imprint – things he does and says, positions and rituals (like lying on my stomach at 5am, reaching over to lick Poppsy’s head as she sits on my pillow) which are entirely his – he is steadily weaving his own history into our lives.  

 We have now had Henry 18 months; he is not ‘Eric mark 2’; he is an individual in his own right – and a much-loved member of the family.

 

 

 Acquiring another Animal Companion whilst coming to terms with Recent Loss 

by Lynn Burman 

When Pollyangel (6) went on her last journey the pain of loss was indescribable (see DF no. 37) – no words can describe how empty and grief-stricken I felt, to the point of thinking it would not be possible to go on living without my dearest friend. 

Lincoln Cat Care were most supportive, as well as telling me about a 6 month old female cat in their care who no-one seemed to want.  She along with two others had been discovered in a dump-bin when only a few days old.  They asked if I would like to adopt her.  My initial instincts were it was not possible to replace the unique Pollyangel, no other cat could ever match up to her beautiful loving qualities. And yet, I was unable to get this other little one out of my head and my mind played tricks, thinking she may look like Polly, and that would be like having her back with me.  

The grief was raw – no companion to sit upon my lap and cuddle beside me on the bed at night.   

Through the continual tears I thought of the kitten no-one wanted, shut in a pen every day of her young life. 

No– I could not possibly adopt her – how disloyal to even consider doing so.  Pollyangel would be hurt to think I had gotten over her so soon. 

Throughout the conflicting thoughts and emotions, and in spite of them, I asked Cat Care to bring the little one to me so that we may try to connect.

She came so timid and afraid – I, so nervous and consumed with guilt.  A pretty young thing who immediately dashed under the sideboard and refused to come out.  The only thing to do was lie upon the floor, talk to her and hope she would eventually gain confidence and show herself.  She did, briefly, to eat and do a quick roll-over, before rushing back to her safe spot.

 I liked her yet felt no affection – just disloyalty and grief.

 Eventually I told myself I was not trying to replace Pollyangel, I was trying to give young Gracie a chance at life. 

 She slowly discovered confidence within herself to trust and to enjoy her days in play and sleep.

 Disappointment set in as she disliked being picked up or cuddled – she still does, but there is now one consolation, at least once a day she closes her pretty green eyes, lifts up her face to mine and plants a big kiss upon my mouth.  Oh, yes, she’s BIG on kisses, is our Gracie – I wonder who taught her.

 Two and a half years on, she has taken on an identity unique to only her and yes I do make comparisons still. Pollyangel was friendly, outgoing, loved company, whereas Grace has not overcome her timid streak and is afraid of people, and refuses to leave the room she has occupied since the day she arrived.

Not a day goes by when I do not remember Polly, and miss her.  I know it will always be this way – forever, but it doesn’t prevent me from loving baby Grace and allowing her a place within my heart.

Grace ~ 1 yr 6 mth old

 

REMINDER

In the last newsletter, I printed an appeal from      Diane Bramson, who is compiling an anthology of poetry in memory of her cat, Zoë, to raise funds for Cats Protection.  Thanks to those of you who have already responded.  She is still in need of poems on the theme of cats: a specific cat – with us now or not – cats in general, a particular aspect of cats’ behaviour or personality, how multiple cats live together, why we love cats so much etc etc.  The poems must be original and not copyright; they can be something you have written yourself for a beloved companion. Please spread the word and, if you have a poem for Diane, you can email it to her: diane@major7th.com

or post it to the Departed Friend address at the top of this newsletter, and I will forward it to Diane.

 Your Letters ……

Trevor was very pleased with the kind people who responded over his distress to the loss of Trollie.  (See DF no. 41). He continues to miss her … It will be his 31^st birthday on the 25^th May.  He is busy selling his BIG ISSUE with Jack and sends you the enclosed photo should you wish to include it in the newsletter. 

Lynn Burman 

 It’s coming up to that time of year again Jessie (See DF no. 32 – ed.) but every day is the same for me missing you and wishing you were here - missing you so much; you’re always with us and in our hearts.      Love mum and dad xx                                       

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts when we lost Bobbie… Also thank you for putting Bobbie’s Tribute into your News Letter (no. 42), it is very nice of you.  I’ve read it and printed it out, it is so lovely and I enjoyed the poems, I loved them all especially Pussycat Heaven, really pulls at your heart strings.  Have been onto the website which is really lovely and to read some of the tributes that other people have written is wonderful…    

Love Angie and Mick Bean x

 Many thanks for Departed Friend (no. 42) – What a lovely cat was Zoë.  I hope Di takes comfort from her lovely poem for Zoë. I can understand how Max’s owner feels his grief is still very raw.  I hope he takes a little comfort after writing his tribute to Max.   I have lost many cats, each one special in   their own way.  I am 77 years now but I still have 2 cats Susan (semi long fur dark tabby who was 14 years last November) Ellie (jet black almost 9 years) both from Cats Protection.

                                                                         Mrs M.C.

 TRIBUTES TO TIGGY AND JILL

from Mrs M.C. 

We were not too good at taking our cats’ photos, although someone once said to me you should take as many as possible because should something unforeseen happen, you will wish you had more photos of your pet.  I have had quite a few cats. One I will never forget was  a cat a previous neighbour asked me to home. I was asked if I would take on Tiggy in November and I agreed to look at her.  I heard no more until a rough and windy night January 3^rd to be exact.

A knock at the front door and there was my ex- neighbour with a cat basket.  We took it in and there was the saddest sight I have ever seen; a young female dark tortie that should have been full of health and energy wanting so very much to be loved.  She was skin and bone and covered with scabs due, I was told, to a flea allergy.  We had her treated and checked at the vets but they could not cure the allergy.  We gave her food which she was too excited to eat.  It was just the fact someone was taking notice of her. One thing I noticed after she had been with us a while she never wanted to go outside.  My own personal opinion is she was shut outside because of her condition which was no fault of her own, yet someone took the trouble to have her spayed.  She survived cat flu but passed away aged 9 years of stomach cancer.  It was heartbreaking to lose our little treasure who had suffered so very much and passed away far too young. I will never forget that last heartbreaking day on September 5^th 2005 at the vets.  I cried bitterly.  It didn’t seem fair that after such a poor start in life cancer took her from us.  “God Bless and Heal All Broken Hearts” until we all meet again.

I would also like to tell you about another cat I had in the past. She came from a lady 2 doors away who knew I wanted a ginger female kitten, so I had Jill, mainly ginger except for her white chest  and white on all 4 paws.  This was the year 1992. She grew up fast quite tall.  She was spayed quite young at about 6 months. Afterwards she lost some fur. She was vet checked but nothing wrong with her. If you sat   in  a  chair, she would drape herself across your shoulders.Another thing she did, if you were walking on the lawn or indoors she would jump on your back and never miss. I don’t know why she did this. I suppose it must have been her way of showing her love.As she reached 4 years I noticed her coat was quite thin and she had red blotches on her body in spite of flea treatment.  She cleaned herself constantly. She had to have steroids every 6 to 8 weeks which helped temporarily.  Gradually as she approached 11 years she got very quiet and would sleep on the stairs day and night, come downstairs, eat a small amount of food and have a drink and use her litter tray.  She got very thin, kept away from my other cats who I think sensed there was something wrong with her and didn’t go near her.Finally I could not allow her to stay like this and it was heartbreaking to watch her. She was put to sleep at just over 14 years. We did what we could for her but sad to say I wish with all my heart I could have done more.

  National Disgrace

The 2011 Grand National predictably saw the deaths of two beautiful horses in peak condition on the Aintree course. The eventual winner, Ballabriggs, was severely beaten in the final stages of the race; he was so exhausted and dehydrated that he required oxygen.  The winning jockey, Jason Maguire, has a record of beating horses.

 There was a national outcry, following the accidental screening during the race of one of the corpses, covered by a tarpaulin.  One horse died of a broken neck, the other suffered a broken back. 

 You can honour their memories and make sure they (and the 400+ horses who are raced to death every year) have not died in vain, by not betting on horse (or greyhound) racing and by getting involved in the campaign to Ban the Grand National. 

 Animal Aid has produced a hard-hitting and comprehensive information pack, which gives the grim facts behind the horseracing industry.  You can get the pack from Animal Aid: Tel +44 (0)1732 364546 or email info@animalaid.org.uk.   There is a petition, and suggested letters to write to your local paper and Member of Parliament.  The Grand National is deliberately hazardous – it should be banned.

 RIP Ornais and Dooneys Gate – killed on 9 April 2011 by the greed of humankind.

 

Departed Friend Newsletter no. 42 March 2011

There once was a cat called Zoe      by Diane Bramson

                     

 

 

 

 

 

Zoe as a kitten

There once was a cat called Zoe

Who lived in Colindale

Her eyes were huge and glowy

Bright green, not at all pale

Her fur was tortie and white

A many coloured coat

Of hues both dark and light

To grooming she would devote

Many hours of her time

Cleaning, washing, tidy and smart

Until her fur was so sublime

She looked like a work of art

I knew her as a kitten

And as an old lady too

She looked so cute just sittin’

Up high admiring the view

She was an acrobat and athlete

Who loved to jump real high

She always landed on her feet

Such fun she would supply

She loved to eat fish and chicken

In fact she liked most food

Anything finger lickin’

Dried, fried or even stewed

She could be temperamental

She could hiss just like a snake

But Zoe was also very gentle

And her kisses were not fake

She enjoyed living in the flat

It was her territory

For nearly 19 years this cat

Kept me company

But now she’s gone to heaven above

And is looking down on me

I’ll always remember her with love

My little Zoe B.

Written as a tribute to Zoe Bramson ~

Born 10 March 1992, Died 5 January 2011

      

 

 

 

 

 

 

Di and Zoe Christmas Day 2010

 

  MY DOG MAX

Dear Readers

My dog Max, a golden Labrador, died three months ago.  I still miss him very much.  I cannot bear to be without him.  I was going to purchase another dog but I cannot bear the thought of losing another dog.

Max used to love his walks outside with me.  He used to love playing around in the garden in the snow, and running backwards and forwards with his toy chicken.  He loved his massages and putting his nose in the shopping bags after I had returned home from the shops, just to see if there was anything in there for him.  And he was so loving towards people.  He also got lots of love from me.

Well this is my tribute to Max, my beautiful dog.  I’ll always miss him.

God bless all animal lovers.

Tony Gillham

7-12-2010

Pussycat Heaven

I’d like to go to pussycat heaven when I die,

To pussycat heaven where pussycat angels fly,

Where there’s milk by the gallon

At the twitch of a talon…

And the trees all grow fish!, what a tasty yummy dish!

I will learn to purrrr and mioaw……

furry purrry pussycats will teach me how,

We’ll discuss the puss philosophy,

Whilst dining on the best French brie,

And every night to our hearts delight

we’ll howl and yowl at the moon so bright,

Then pussycat angels on pussycat harps

Will accompany us as we sing to the stars.

And, when the sun creeps out of bed

still yawning and half asleep…

We’ll pounce all over his pillowy clouds

‘Cos we like to play ‘hide and seek’,

So, when you see the clouds above

Skitter fast across the blue,

You’ll know we pussycats are having such fun,

Playing ‘catch tail and peek-a-boo’

But, because we’re pussycat ANGELS…

We’ll tidy up the clouds,

We’ll hang them artistically in the sky

feeling very smug and proud!

So, when all is ready for the sun to shine,

We’ll twitch our whiskers (which are quite sublime),

And very soon we will all agree… it’s definitely time for lunch…and …tea!

So off we’ll trot with tails held high

In our shiny fur coats and our bright happy eyes,

Then what a feast, ‘oh glory me,

with cakes and fish and Cornish cream teas…!!

“Aaaaah”, so when our furry tummies are full

with all our favourite foods,

We’ll wash our faces, clean our paws

then have a nice long snooze…zzzzzzz!

And, so I guess you can easily see….

Why, I’d like to go to pussycat heaven when I die,

To pussycat heaven…where pussycat angels fly…!

Copyright (reprinted here with permission)

Paulette A. Ng  -  1999

 

BABY BAISHEY 

Shadow darker than shadow,

You are here there and everywhere,

Shining bright, blacker than the blackest night,

All claws and teeth

Little fierce one!

Yet, you rest a gentle paw upon my cheek

Keeping perfect time with my heartbeat,

In movement, now still.

Always, the perfection of unconditional love,

I hold you safe in my heart,

and grieve for you mybabyiest little girl.

Paulette Ng 

 

 

 

 

   Your letters ……“ 

 It’s 11 or 12 years since I lost my last Poodle, the only one left after 38 years of Poodles. I will be 91 years this March.  I could not expect to own a dog now, but it’s hard.  I love the new style of DF and the stories of the puppy “Trollie” dumped in a supermarket trolley.  What a kind man to save and keep her and Nowzad Dogs and Pen Farthing – all these people and those who have lost a family pet are also helped by yourself printing these stories. (DF41) You do a wonderful act of kindness to all that write in about their pets and those who read and know there are still people who understand animals are not just there to be thrown out when it suits the owner.

Gladys Radwell

I wept as I read the piece about Dear Trollie (DF 41) and my heart went out to the gentleman who owned her, Trevor. I hope Trevor will find a new companion one day which will bring him comfort and joy once again as Ty-Son has brought me.  Christmas was sad without Tace but Ty-son more than helped fill the sadness.  It was like Tace was saying: ‘It’s Ty-son’s turn now to enjoy the 7 Christmases I had with you, but I will still watch.’  I nursed both hers and Shelly’s casket on Christmas morn for a few moments.  I felt I had to.  Shelly left us 9 years tomorrow 28^th.  But I will never forget that day I lost by baby, she was 13 years plus, but I still love and miss her.

(I wrote to Kath and told her that Trevor now has a new puppy, Jack, and she responded as follows):

I have thought about this gentleman a lot and know the pain he’s in with the loss of Dear Trollie.  I’m so pleased he has a new puppy Jack.  I’m sure Jack will give him comfort and will know the pain he’s in with Trollie’s loss as I’m sure Ty-son knows I miss my Tace so so much.  I still cry as I write this for her … Tace helped me more than words could ever express.  I love Ty-son to bits also.  Please pass on my best wishes to Trevor; he’s not alone and I hope he’s feeling better God Bless him.

Kath Greenslade

Thank you so much for the beautiful e-card – Sammie is the image of my cat – isn’t she gorgeous.

Thank you also for the regular newsletters you send, I think you do a marvellous job in celebrating the lives of such wonderful friends.

With all best wishes for Christmas and the New Year, keep up your brilliant work. Kind regards

Janet Wheatley, Executive Assistant – Dr Hadwen Trust for Humane Research

Thank you so much for your lovely greeting card. Also for all the work you put into your newsletters. They are a tremendous source of comfort to all who have lost a dear friend.

Love, CK, Anne & birdies (12 of them) 

 

WOODY ~ my Cameo Persian

30.04.1992 to 13.12.2010

 I had to say goodbye to Woody, my last pet, on Dec 13^th 2010.  He stopped eating.  He had kidney failure for 4 years and arthritis developed recently.  He lost a lot of weight, to mostly bone and had injections to keep him going.

Woody and my 2 other Persian cats were the first registered PAT* cats.  I took Woody to special needs classes.  He has always been so ‘laid back’ and affectionate, and has never ‘lashed out’.  He had a very loud ‘motor’ purr.  I have his ashes in a Bronze cat, which gives me comfort, and have had a service for him using Linda Bodicoat’s book ‘Return to the Fold’, which I highly recommend.

Lois Wood

     

*PAT – Pets as Therapy – is a unique national charity which provides temperament-assessed/vaccinated P.A.T. Dogs and P.A.T. Cats with registered volunteers to hospitals, hospices, residential care homes, day centres, special needs schools and many other establishments, providing comfort, companionship and therapy. There are approximately 4,500 P.A.T. Dogs and 108 P.A.T. Cats bringing benefit to more than 130,000 people of all ages every single week throughout the UK.  www.petsastherapy.org/  

  

SILENT NIGHT 

I lay awake restrained from weep

I shared with five – no room to sleep

It gave my eyes the time to stare

My fortune – it was lying there

Amidst the duvet round my feet

For space to rest we all compete

To share with creatures through the night

Has its rewards – though room is tight

They seem to want to sleep with me

I’m honoured to a great degree

I see five tails and twenty paws

And it makes me think of those ‘Human Laws’

“They shouldn’t be on a human’s bed

Their place is out in a kennel instead”

Not long ago they were hungry and cowered

But when they awake there’s more love to be showered

With speech like ours what tales would they tell?

‘Human Kindness’ a term they’d surely dispel

Whatever else happens I know that I –

Will love them and keep them safe till I die

The light has come and I’ve spent the dark

Reflecting on beings too tired to bark

Gerry Robinson (1998)

 

 

 

 

In memory of our beloved Jamie

07.07.1994 – 15.01.2011

 Condolences

~ Caroline  ~

Momo (pts to prevent further suffering)

“she was a unique little character

and we had only such a short time together”

 

Please accept our deepest sympathy in your loss

 

 

It is the profound desire of many people to be buried with their beloved companion animals – and now this wish can become reality:

The Orchard Pet Cemetery is a green, natural or eco burial site set in gentle Lincolnshire countryside, at Stainton by Langworth, near Lincoln, LN3 5BN.

The cemetery is part of the 4 acre Orchard Burial Ground. It is uniquely licensed for the burial of pets and people, giving pet lovers the opportunity to have their pets buried with or alongside them. The site contains over 200 woodland and orchard trees, and a meadow. In time more trees will be planted, many as memorials to loved ones. It is a beautiful resting place, and also for visiting and reflection.

The Orchard also offers home burial (for those unwilling or unable to dig a plot themselves), the burial of cremated ashes and a funeral service – which children can attend.  Transport from home or vets to the cemetery can be arranged.  Coffins, shrouds, memorial trees and headstones are available.

There is a 50% discount for burial of working dogs (Guide Dogs and Police Dogs).

There is bereavement counselling for those who want it, either with Orchard’s own staff or by referral to other agencies.

Orchard also offer another remarkable service: an Education Pack for schools, and an experienced teacher who will work with children to explore death, loss and grieving.  The death of a family pet can be a devastating experience for a child – and this excellent resource will surely bring comfort to children in their time of sorrow as well as making both classmates and teachers aware of how painful this loss can be.  It will also help shape attitudes for the future, so that maybe the next generation will treat this special bereavement with compassion and understanding – bringing the day closer when people will no longer have to suffer the anguish caused by callous and unthinking remarks like “It was only a dog…”

Contact details:

Paul Disley, 31 Hawthorn Road, Cherry Willingham, Lincoln. LN3 4JU

Tel: 01522 754 154

Email:  enquiries@theorchardpetcemetery.co.uk

Grateful thanks to Lynn Burman for telling me about the Orchard Pet Cemetery – ed.

 

An appeal for Poems…

… about Cats

Please could you put an appeal in the  newsletter for people to write a poem on the theme of cats:  a specific cat – with us now or not – cats in general, a particular aspect of cats behaviour or personality, how multiple cats live together, why we love cats so much etc etc.  Do give my email address for people to send their poem to me direct.

Diane Bramson (see her poem tribute to Zoe on p.1 of this newsletter) is compiling an anthology of poetry in memory of her beloved Zoe, which she hopes to sell to raise funds for Cats Protection.  If you have a poem for Diane, please email it to her: diane@major7th.com

or send it to me by post at the Departed Friend address at the top of this newsletter, and I will forward it to Diane.  ed.

STRANGE BUT TRUE ~ a message of hope?

I planted snowdrops near Eric’s grave when he died. They have flowered every year.  There was no sign of them this year and I was concerned in case they had died. As his third anniversary approached, I thought: “Wouldn’t it be lovely if they showed themselves on the day” ~ but this seemed very unlikely as, whenever I checked, there was no sign. I looked the day before and saw only bare earth. That evening, I was listening to music and thinking of Eric, trying to let him know we didn’t abandon him; we simply hadn’t realised that, when we left him at the vets for X-rays under anaesthetic, it was the last time we would see him alive. (See DF30 for Eric’s tribute). I got a warm comforting feeling that seemed to be Eric telling me that he does indeed realise we didn’t abandon him.

Then the miracle happened.  When I checked the garden next morning, this is what I saw: One lone snowdrop just to the left of his plaque ~ complete with leaves and flower!

                                   

 Picture taken 13.02.2011

Departed Friend Newsletter no. 41 Dec 2010

 Seasonal greetings to all our readers

The morning of 22 September will be held dear in the hearts of many for the rest of their lives. In the heart of the Cathedral City of Lincoln, within the sacred walls of the oldest Saxon church, St Mary le Wigford, a very special memorial service was held for Trollie, a Bedlington Lurcher dog who suddenly lost her life in July.  This day would have been Trollie’s 12^th birthday.

Her owner, Trevor, had been “a man of the open road” until recently.  He rescued Trollie when she had been abandoned (dumped in a supermarket trolley) at only a few hours old.  Man and pup bonded in that instant and the two became good companions, travelling the length and breadth of the United Kingdom. They lived in woodland, rich with the scent of bluebells and, by stark contrast, slept in shop doorways, huddled together, keeping one another warm.

At a young age, Trollie had attended the Winter Solstice at Stonehenge and the Edinburgh Festival.

She helped Trevor sell copies of The Big Issue in places as wide-ranging as Bath, and by Oxford University. She lived on Travellers’ campsites, in tents and on a houseboat.  She loved her life with a passion and made hundreds of friends along the way. She even sported her own Big Issue vendor badge which read: “No. 1 dog”!

Suddenly, in July, her back leg snapped and in the most traumatic turn of events, she was diagnosed with a large tumour. The vet could have amputated but she would have suffered much pain. Trevor, out of kindness, made the dreadful decision to have his beloved companion laid to rest. The shock news of her departure quickly spread as the streets of Lincoln were awash with the tears of all her faithful followers.

What a wonderful gesture of support and a fitting tribute to Trollie that a Service in her memory and her honour be held in the holy place which both Trevor and Trollie frequented. Trevor had requested I help in organising this special event, and compose and read the Eulogy. What an honour.

Early morning the church opened its doors to prepare ~ framed photos of Trollie alongside two silk roses; one pink, one lavender, a miniature model boat bearing the name of our precious girl and lit candles were displayed close by the beautiful altar, neath stained glass windows through which strong sunshine reflected its rays and danced with the candles’ flames. Heavenly music played ~ the atmosphere created was ethereal.  Friends arrived and took their seats as the two priests presiding read prayers and spoke words which were deeply moving. Trevor held his head low throughout, his emotions running deep ~~

As we reflected upon our joy and our sorrow, chosen music was being played ~ the beautifully haunting “I cried for you” by Katie Melua ~ and cry we did, loud sobbing could be heard…… The church door quietly opened and in walked the bearer of Trollie ….. Short, breathy sobs could be heard as the priest took charge of the casket and so gently and lovingly placed it close by the altar and surrounded by bright, flickering candle flames.

Her soul and spirit were committed into safe, loving keeping and the service drew to its natural close, as Elgar’s “Nimrod” was played, a sombre, graceful classical composition, frequently played at funerals ~ it was extraordinarily moving and so rich in blessings.

There was one more surprise ahead – one overwhelming act which filled our hearts to bursting point. The casket containing Trollie, along with her photos and other artefacts, were carefully moved and placed by a window, overlooked by a magnificent statue of our Blessed Virgin Mary. Candles were lit all around her as yet another priest, complete in his splendid vestments, followed by other members of the church, filed down to the altar to commence and carry out the act of Holy Communion ~ in the highest tribute to, and in the presence of, our beloved Trollie. She knew what was taking place this day, in her honour – she was present in spirit ~ I felt her strong presence; she was peaceful, she was running through rich green fields. I bid her farewell as I cried without reserve. ~~

Before departing into bright sunlight, all in the congregation exchanged hugs or handshakes; new friendships were formed – yes, “Our Girl” was continuing to do in death just what she did best in life – bringing people together. She was working her magic and looking down upon us all – smiling.

She will remain in the church for a few days to come, receiving untold blessings – some of us shall visit her.

~ Her eternal star shall burn ever brightly.

Lynn Burman

 

For a copy of Lynn’s eulogy to Trollie, please send an A5 sized self-addressed stamped envelope to the Departed Friend address.  Ed.

Does anyone know of other places of worship whose ministers are willing to carry out similar services of memorial, or conduct funerals, for companion animals?  I would like to compile a directory of establishments* – religious, spiritual or secular – where these facilities are offered.

*(For example: churches, mosques, synagogues, temples, pet cemeteries and crematoria, humanist or spiritualist halls or meeting places).

Congratulations to all who offer this valuable facility; it is a mark of recognition and respect for the grief of humans as well as an affirmation of the priceless value of every living being, whatever their species.

 

ASWA Local Meeting

I was delighted to receive an invitation to a local meeting of ASWA (Anglican Society for the Welfare of Animals) for Saturday 30 October 2010.  ASWA and Departed Friend had for some time been exchanging information and newsletters and this was a good opportunity to find out more about ASWA’s work.

Janet and Nick Murphy welcomed us into their delightful home in Chesham, Buckinghamshire, which they share with their two cats and four rescue battery hens.  I felt very privileged to be allowed to hold one of the hens in my arms – she loved it and their trust in humans after what they have been through is remarkable.  Janet is also an extremely good cook and we were treated to a delicious selection of vegetarian and vegan home-made cakes and biscuits.

Then down to business.  Janet told the assembled gathering about the work of ASWA, whose remit is “Putting Animals on the Agenda of the Christian Church”. I was interested to learn that, despite its name, ASWA is interdenominational and reaches out to people of other faiths as well as to the secular community.  Their calling is to make Christians and others aware of the need to care for the whole of creation, and they are especially concerned with the abuse of animals. They believe God has given us a responsibility towards sentient beings of other species with whom we share this world, and they interpret the Biblical teaching of our ‘dominion’ over animals as ’loving care’ not ‘ruthless exploitation’.

ASWA provide speakers for church and other gatherings, and their Ministers have written services for Animal Welfare Sundays. They produce a regular newsletter and literature on a wide range of topics including hunting and shooting, the poultry industry, laboratory experiments and the use of animals in war. Their material is thoughtful and well researched – and well worth reading.

ASWA has links with animal welfare organisations across the globe, including the remarkable charity (Nowzad Dogs) featured immediately below.  Contact details for ASWA are in the Resources section of this newsletter.

 

Nowzad Dogs

(Reg. Charity no. 1119185)

 Nowzad is a charity set up to relieve the suffering of animals in Afghanistan and Iraq, predominantly stray and abandoned dogs, cats and donkeys, setting up rescue facilities for their care and attention.

Their other projects include providing fabric covers to fit over the uncomfortable chain harness and headcollars often worn by horses and donkeys, and the “trap, neuter, release” programme for stray dogs.

It all started when the lads of 5 Troop, Kilo Company, 42 Commando Royal Marines arrived in the war torn town of Now Zad in the Helmand Province of Afghanistan in November 2006.

Royal Marine Sergeant Pen Farthing takes up the story:

“When we first arrived in the town of Now Zad I broke up a dog fight that was taking place right outside our remote compound. What I didn’t know was that one of those fighting dogs would then befriend me! I couldn’t say no to those big sad eyes, the now very former fighting dog, became my buddy and found himself a name – Nowzad”.

 

Sgt. Pen Farthing with Nowzad

Soon the first ever dog warden of Now Zad was looking after two more dogs “RPG” and “Jena”, strays that were very under nourished and didn’t look like they would survive the onslaught of the approaching Afghan winter.

Unbelievably they then gained “Tali” who crept in under the gate carrying 6 little puppies followed by an injured “AK” bringing up the rear. And then to complicate matters “Jena” had 8 puppies as well.

In a quiet corner of the base Pen and two fellow Marines, Dave & John, built the dogs a modest dog run of sorts and for the dogs’ added safety they added on a mortar shelter to hide in, which luckily also provided some warmth during the extreme cold of the long winter nights.

The dogs went from scavenging food one day to eating two decent meals a day courtesy of the left over military rations that the Royal Marines didn’t eat!

Pen had already decided that he was going to try and get the dogs to a better life. But being stuck in the small town of Now Zad he had very limited communications with the outside world. With the help of his wife back in the UK they managed to track down an animal rescue centre in the far north of the country.

The only problem was that the Royal Marines had to get the dogs to the safety of the rescue but they couldn’t use military transport as it was against regulations………

To donate or find out more about the charity, or to obtain a copy of “One Dog at a Time” (Sgt. Farthing’s book about how they got several dogs, including Nowzad, out of Afghanistan) write to:

PO Box 3495, Corsham, Wiltshire SN13 7AE

or visit: www.nowzaddogs.co.uk

 (With thanks to ASWA and to my friend Lynda, whose son has served in Afghanistan, for information about Nowzad Dogs) – Ed.

  

Hoofbeats in Heaven

The Spirit of Your Horse Lives On … 

When Cindy lost her beloved horse, Beau, she had difficulty finding any online support group that could really relate to her loss – so she created her own.  Cindy was aware that, while it is now more recognised that dogs and cats are part of the family, horses are still often considered to be merely livestock – a perception that any of us who have ever loved or lost a horse will hotly dispute.

The site has a rich variety of resources to help people in their grief: pages where memorial tributes plus photographs can be posted without charge; a virtual candle-lighting in memory of lost loved ones; quotations from people who understand and deeply value horses – as well as an email support group. This does not consist of counsellors, but of people who have loved and lost, who comfort and help each other.

There is also artwork by the famous artist Kim McElroy, who is renowned for her wonderful paintings of horses. Some people asked her to produce portraits of their horses, which she willingly did; this resulted in the beautiful portrait: Hoofbeats in Heaven. The picture provided healing for the bereaved, and the notion of the spirit of their own horse crossing over to join the herd. Participants reported feeling more able to move through their grief – and each received a reproduction of the original painting (the original resides with Cindy).

Copyright prevents me from reproducing anything directly from the website, so please visit http://www.hoofbeats-in-heaven.com

Harvey 

This is Harvey – my Lovely, Lovely Boy

Thank you so very much for the lovely newsletters of Departed Friend.  It means so much to me and has helped me so much with the loss of my beautiful boy Harvey.  He was a Blue Roan Spaniel, so very, very special; his loss is so great.

He was 15 years old when he went to Rainbow Bridge. He had diabetes and he had gone blind.  It would mean so much if you would mention him in Departed Friend.  Thank you again.  Some stamps are in with this letter.  I love him so much; he was always with me.

 Carole Ann Share

 

Your letters ……

As the year draws to a close, I’d like to remember our Tace and I’d like this small donation to be in Tace’s memory so you can help and support other people who have lost a much loved pet like me, because you have been a big help and comfort to me over these past months.

So please keep up the good work and God Bless. I’ll keep in touch.  Have a lovely Christmas.  Love and best wishes

Kath & family & woof woof Ty-son

 

 (We are most grateful to Kath Greenslade for her generous donation in memory of her beloved companion.  For Kath’s poem tribute to Tace, see      DF no.39, June 2010)

Many thanks for all copies of the newsletter; I have passed most of them on now to very positive comments!

I have a new cat friend now … his name is Chesster; very black, very loving and very good.  Isn’t it amazing how life has a way of almost making decisions for us?   I can only say we are very happy with each other.

I enclose a small cheque to help with stationery costs. Best wishes and thanks from Pauline. xx

p.s. He comes to bed with me and sits on my lap most of the evening – shades of Tinka – who I think is having words in his ear!

Pauline West

 

(For Pauline’s tribute to Tinka, see DF no. 40, Sept. 2010)

 

I just wanted to say a big thank you for sending me all the poems, stories, newsletters and putting me on the mailing list since the passing of my dog in January of this year; they have been a great source of comfort to me.

I don’t feel I will ever get over her passing but with each new day comes a new dawn, a new beginning, the chance of a new life.  She was and continues to be my daily Joy but in a different way now; I feel her loving energy around me  but I do miss being able to hold her close physically … she became part of me and when she passed that part of me died and went with her.

JC

 

Animals in Heaven

(With thanks to Mary O’Brien for sending me this story) 

 An old man and his dog were walking along a country road, enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to the man that he was actually dead. He remembered dying, and that his dog too had been dead for many years. He wondered where the road would lead them, and continued onward.  After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road.  It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill a tall white arch that gleamed in the sunlight broke it.

When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.

He was pleased that he had finally arrived at heaven, and the man and his dog walked toward the gate. As he got closer, he saw someone sitting at a beautifully carved desk off to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, “Excuse me, but is this heaven?” “Yes it is, sir,” the man answered.  “Wow! Would you happen to have some water?” the man asked. “Of course, sir, come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought right up.” The gatekeeper gestured to his rear, and the huge gate began to open. “I assume my friend can come in?” the man asked, gesturing toward his dog. But the reply was “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t accept pets.”

The man thought about it then thanked the gatekeeper, turned back toward the road, and continued in the direction he had been going. After another long walk, he reached the top of another long hill, and he came to a dirt road that led through a farm gate. There was no fence, and it looked as if the gate had never been closed, as grass had grown up around it. As he approached the gate, he saw a man just inside, sitting in the shade of a tree in a rickety old chair, reading a book. “Excuse me!” he called to the reader. “Do you have any water?” “Certainly, there’s a pump over there,” the man said, pointing to a place that couldn’t be seen from outside the gate. “Come on in and make yourself at home.” “How about my friend here?” the traveller gestured to the dog. “He’s welcome too, and there’s a bowl by the pump,” he said. They walked through the gate and, sure enough, the man filled the bowl for his dog; he then took a long drink himself.

When both were satisfied, he and the dog walked back toward the man, who was sitting under the tree waiting for them, and asked, “What do you call this place?”  “This is heaven,” was the answer.  “Well, that’s confusing,” the traveller said. “It certainly doesn’t look like heaven, and there’s another man down the road who said that place was heaven.” “Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates?” “Yes, it was beautiful.”  “Nope. That’s hell.”  “Doesn’t it offend you for them to use the name of heaven like that?”  “No. I can see how you might think so, but it actually saves us a lot of time. They screen out the selfish people who are willing to leave their friends behind who have served them so loyally.”

Departed Friend Newsletter No. 40 Sept 2010

Tribute to TINKA 

 

I became owned by a beautiful black and white cat we called Tinka who we chose from the Blue Cross at Kimpton in 1996.  We saw him when he was very small and were allowed to adopt him and bring him home when he was 9 weeks old.

He was feisty and funny right from the beginning and chose where he sat during the day and where he spent the night, ignoring beanbags, boxes and fluffy blankets for armchairs and my bed!

He was very loving and affectionate but also very independent. He loved his food and would shout loudly if I took too long in getting his dish on the floor. He ate everything he was given and was convinced that every tin he heard being opened contained tuna.

I could write pages about ‘my boy’ but I will tell you about two occurrences when I think he showed his devotion to me in spectacular ways. On 22^nd December 2007 I was in bed, not asleep at 1.15am and became aware that Tinka was racing up and down the stairs, making a peculiar wailing noise.      I got up just as he jumped down from the back bedroom windowsill and raced downstairs again, probably to look out the conservatory door. Suspecting a fox or even an intruder in the garden, I had a look out the window to see my car on fire in the drive. Had he not warned me in time, the petrol tank may have exploded, causing much damage to fences and windows etc. all around.

The second episode was rather more amusing.  I was in bed, again, and awoke suddenly at about 3.00am, remembering that I hadn’t padlocked my inner garden gate. I went downstairs to do this, closely followed by the boy. I went quickly down the garden path in just my nightie (it was a very warm night). When I got back in the house, Tinka was staring through the glass door and when I came into view he went rigid, back up, tail huge and wouldn’t let me in. Remembering the time of night, I whispered to him to let me in, but he opened his mouth and hissed at me loudly. I keep a broom near the back door, so I got it through the small gap he allowed me to open and managed to ease him away. He immediately attacked the bristles with all four paws and his teeth but I was eventually able to push him along enough to get in. I then was able to speak to him in my normal voice whereupon he changed completely, just walked away with his tail bolt upright and began to eat his biscuits. He obviously didn’t recognize this strangely dressed vision with a funny voice and intended to defend his mum’s house.

I lost my boy to hyperthyroidism and liver problems in February this year. We had tried everything we could to make him better since the previous July but it wasn’t to be. He was nearly 14 when he died and I would like those years all over again. Since my husband died 5 years ago, Tinka stayed even closer to me and was always a loving friend and companion. I miss him more than I can say. He was very, very special and I will hold him in my heart for ever. I have had a number of cats in my three score years and ten but losing Tinka has affected me very deeply for some reason and I felt compelled to put my thoughts and feelings into words.

 

Pauline West ~ July 2010

These are two remarkable examples of a devoted friend saving his human companion from danger or worse. Do you have any similar stories involving your own animals?  If so, we would be interested to hear of them and print them in a subsequent edition of the newsletter.  Ed.

The British Association of Pet Bereavement Counsellors  

BAPBC was launched in June 2010 as a professional membership organisation for all professionals working with bereaved pet owners, including: counsellors, veterinary nurses, vets, helpline staff, rehoming oganisation staff, pet charities, organisations and societies.

The Director, Revd. George Callander, was a third year student nurse when his mother phoned to tell him their two poodles had died within a few days of each other. “I remember being so desolate that I let out a cry in the nurses’ home that echoed all round the corridor. People came out and said they thought I’d been electrocuted or cut myself to the bone,” he remembers.

“They said, ‘what’s wrong?’ and I said, ‘my dogs are dead’. That’s when I got, ‘is that all?’.

And I vowed I would never say, ‘is that all?’.”

He is now a pet bereavement counsellor and, as an ordained minister, he also conducts animal funerals.

 “I’m a devoted cat lover and have had pets most of my life, but am aware that people, when their pets die, don’t feel able to talk about it because they feel people will think they’re silly or simply don’t know who to talk to,” he says.

The association aims to be a focal point for counsellors specialising in pet bereavement, as well as vets and veterinary nurses. “What I’m trying to do is raise awareness of pet bereavement, to make owners understand there’s somewhere they can turn to and people who understand,” he says.

He is also starting a support group in Durham as a pilot project which, if successful, will be introduced across the country. He sees it as social gathering – conversation therapy he calls it – for pet owners who’ve lost animals recently or in the past. “I know people who still grieve for their dog 20 years after they had to have it put to sleep and have never been able to talk about it,” he says. Anyone interested in joining the support group can call George on 0845-4672201 or email admin@eshwood.org

He wants to raise the profile of pet bereavement, pointing out that with a growing number of pet crematoria – there are two in the area where he lives – the demand for support is growing. “As a minister, I’ve conducted a number of pet funerals – it’s a very important area,” he says. “I freely acknowledge as a counsellor and as a minister, and as a nurse and a pet owner, how important pets are to us. You’ve got to appreciate that for some people, particularly the elderly, their cat, dog, budgie or whatever, is the only other living thing they have regular contact with. So, the sense of loss when that animal dies is overwhelming. It can be just as real and as powerful as if a spouse or family member died.”

He recalls conducting a funeral for a family whose ageing Alsatian had to be put to sleep. “We buried him in the garden, it was a lovely ceremony and I should stress I don’t use the same form of service as for humans. There are some animal readings, prayers of thanksgiving for the animal’s life, the place they had in the family, and so on. They wrapped him in his favourite duvet and buried him in the garden. Each member of the family placed one of his favourite things in the grave. He had his feeding bowl, his rubber bone, his leash and they actually found it was a way of symbolically casting off their grief.”

He’s also buried a goldfish (“for a small child who was desolate and her father said would I do a little something”) and guinea pigs.

“I feel I should take my special expertise and reach out to these people. I think they soon realise I really do understand and their grief is just as valid as if their Auntie Ada had died.”

He acknowledges that some people seem more upset by the death of an animal than a person. Working as an accident and emergency nurse, he became used to seeing horrific injuries. “People with legs hanging off and so forth, it was part of my job, but if I saw an injured dog in the street I would go to pieces.”

“Human bereavement and pet bereavement are very difficult, very sad, very complex. Nothing gives me greater satisfaction than when somebody says to me afterwards ‘I wouldn’t have got through this difficult time without you and all you’ve done’,” he says.

* 

Information from The Northern Echo 22 July 2010 and

BAPBC

58 Esh Wood View

Ushaw Moor

Durham

DH7 7FE

Telephone: 0191 373 9220

Office generally attended Monday – Friday 10am – 2pm

(voicemail at other times)

Email: admin@bapbc.org  http://www.bapbc.org

*

I am very grateful to Angela Garner of EASE* (Environmental Animal Sanctuary and Education) for telling me about BAPBC and encouraging me to apply for membership.  I am sure that this pioneering organisation will be of great help and benefit not only to its members but to many bereaved members of the public as well. Ed.

*(See DF no. 36 Sept 2009 and DF no. 37 Dec 2009 for further information about EASE, or visit http://www.ease-animals.org.uk

 

LAGUN

A special little boy who I will never forget

Both Isabel, our vet, and myself feel that Lagun came here for a reason.  It is not clear to me yet what that reason is but I feel very strongly about this feeling.   He has left me a feeling that I can’t quite describe at the moment.   Isabel said from the beginning that he was a special dog.   He had so much trust in us even though I had put him through so much pain.   His operation took over 4 hours and Ariel worked so hard to help him….. 

Lagun was put in that horrible council pound because he was ill.    He was left alone after he had probably given all his affection to the person who let him down at the end.    Well he will not be left alone now.    He is going to be cremated and will be here with Shep and Meg.

 I wish this had been a different e-mail where I could have told you all how wonderful things were going.  I guess you do not have to be with someone for years to bond because in just two weeks I felt Lagun had been here so much longer.

On Wednesday when Ariel came to see him and put the food line in he saw there was an  infection.   He cleaned it out and I thought things would get better.    On Wednesday night while Isabel was examining him she said he had another infection and that looking at the tissue nearby she thought it looked as though the cancer was already coming back.   Ariel had said it was an aggressive one.

Yesterday was a very hard day for me.  Lagun had been at Isabel’s practice overnight because he had the feeding tube put in and as she wanted to see him the next morning we decided it would be less stress if he stayed there overnight.   

When I went back yesterday Isabel had fed him and she had taken him for a little walk and he seemed stronger.  Before I took him home I had all the instructions how to feed him.  By the time I got home it was time to feed him and the first 3/4 of an hour was very difficult as I did not get the hang of it.   I even called her and asked her to call in on her way home.   Within the next 15 minutes I realised what I was doing wrong and from then on it was OK.
 
This had all been done in the bathroom as this was where Lagun felt comfortable.    The trouble was that I felt something was wrong because he did not come out of the bathroom.   Last time he stayed in there for a short time and then came out, went up to the kitchen and even came to lay down beside me at the computer.  This time each time I went in he was laying on the floor near his water bowl.  Something inside me told there was something wrong.
 
A little later when I went in I could see red in his water bowl and some fresh blood on the floor.   I called Isabel and it was about 10pm when we took him to the surgery.   

For all of us who have or have had pets will probably have been in the situation where you feel you are playing god.   You do not want to give in but you want the best for your companion.   Isabel and I cried together.   She understanding me and me understanding her.   He had an infection the other day when Ariel, the surgeon came to see him, he cleaned it and put a drain in but last night Isabel said there was another infection.

 I looked in Lagun’s eyes and asked him to tell me what to do.    His eyes seemed to tell me he was tired.   All I could think about was how he would walk next to me in the garden while I watered the grass.   From the day he stepped out of the van and saw me he seemed to know I wanted to help him.   He followed me everywhere and here we were 2 weeks later and I had to do what was best.   I know that the last person he saw on his way to Rainbow Bridge was me.   He looked peaceful while we kissed goodbye and I told him even though it was just 2 weeks I loved him.    I told him there would be plenty of friends waiting for him over Rainbow Bridge and I hope Shep would be at the front!

I went into the garden a few minutes ago and it felt so empty.    Lagun’s little red ‘tent’ is sitting there with the duvet inside but he is not coming back.  Tonight when I water the garden there will be no one to follow me and all I can see in front of me is his face in the first photo I saw of him.   All that was being asked for him was a ‘sofa’ to make his last days in the pound comfortable.    How could I leave him there?  

Sharon, how many times have we said to each other that our lives would be so much easier if we did not love animals?   

 Maureen xxxxx

 Lagun

 

   

  DF stall – Bedford Charity Market  -  18 and 26 June 2010

 

 

Your letters ……

 Hi, I am writing about the poem “Goodbye Stan” which was on your blog in Sept 09. (See DF no. 36, ed.)

Well, I have been searching for the poem for about 30 years since I was about 8 years old.

My family and I have always had many animal friends and I always remember my mother had an old copy of “SHE” magazine (UK edition) from which she clipped out an entry into a poetry contest which was “Goodbye Stan”. The clipping was sadly lost but I remember that the author was a man and he had written the poem about his own cat who he had recently lost; Stan.

Over the years, whenever one of our beloved animals has died, either by accident or illness we have always referred to this poem; I googled it by the lines and snippets I could remember.

I am so very happy to have found it and will now copy it safely. My renewed search was prompted because one week ago we had to have our darling 13 year old Poppy dog put to sleep because of heart failure. As I laid her to rest in our olive grove (we live on the island of Crete) I said part of this poem.

Now I have it all. Thank you so very much.

Leonie Giddings

Hi Debby

Thank you very much for the latest “Departed Friend”. I always look forward to receiving my copy. Love the Arial font, it’s sharper and the colour pics are super… I’ve enclosed a few stamps to help with postage costs.

Helen W.

 

I ordered Jane Matthews’ ’Losing a Pet’ book directly from www.smallbooks.co.uk – recommend it – if you put re books to help people on the site.

Fiona C.

Fiona – thanks for this useful information. I got a copy of the book on your recommendation and was most impressed.  Here is my review:

 

Losing a Pet  -  by Jane Matthews  

 This small book is a valuable resource, written in down to earth compassionate terms that everyone will be able to relate to. It is divided into 5 chapters with a Resources section at the end, interspersed with delightful photographs of people with their pets – from horses to hamsters.

 1. Living with a pet sets the scene with personal anecdotes of love and loss, to comfort and reassure the bereaved reader that they are not alone and their feelings are perfectly normal.

2. When a pet dies outlines some of the difficulties people may face as this kind of loss is still not fully recognised, though it may impact on us as much as the loss of a human; however, things are slowly improving as this special grief becomes better understood.  Possible feelings and reactions are also described with suggestions about talking it through.  Particularly helpful is the reminder that you don’t have to explain if you don’t want to: ‘Saying you’ve suffered a bereavement but feel unable to talk about it is usually enough to stave off enquiries from people who you suspect won’t understand.’

3. Living through loss prepares the bereaved person for some of the emotions they may experience with the unpredictability of a roller coaster.  Suggestions for healing are given, with information on the stages of loss.

4. Practicalities deals with the arrangements you may wish to make for your pet, such as burial or cremation, and commemoration/celebration by means of pet memorials and tributes.

5. Life after loss outlines progression from the first stage of almost unbearable pain to the occasional heartache and the possibility of maybe investing love in another animal if/when the time right. There is wise counsel to seek professional advice for those who find themselves often in tears after a few months.

Resources include counselling agencies, cemeteries/ crematoria, as well as suitable poetry and readings.

 It is well worth the £2.99 I paid to buy it on-line.

Departed Friend Newsletter No. 39 June 2010

SPIRIT ~ RIP
June 18, 1999 – March 22, 2010 

 To all my friends, thank you for the candles, notes, cards, condolences and just being there for me during this sad time in my life.

 

 My Spirit had a good life, I know, but it did not make this any easier. I miss her so much, we ALL do, including the other dogs who search for her. When she left, she took most of my heart with her, which is ironic because while talking to the Vet yesterday, he stated how most people come in and have to think with both their minds and their hearts and usually the hearts win out, and they don’t do what is best for the pet, but what is best for me. I think he told me this because he knows I will think with BOTH heart and mind, rationalize what is right and do all necessary for the one I love. Again, does not make it easier, but it has to be done.

I knew in both heart and mind yesterday when I saw Spirit the way she was that she was NOT coming home. She told me in her ways that only she could, still, I didn’t want to be right. I wanted to be so wrong, so very wrong. She tried to tell me it was OK, when I was telling HER it would be OK. It wasn’t. Nothing is OK. Nothing was OK. She was not OK. I could not prolong her life because of myself, I could not let her not be able to walk, suffer a (possible) stroke, not have a quality of life because of ME because that would be cruel and abuse. So I did what I felt was the best thing to do, but now I feel it wasn’t. Again, my heart over ruling what my mind knows.

Spirit died in my arms with me lying on top of her and hugging her. I could not let go of her even after she left. I have had to deal with hard things in life before but this tore me up.

She was my life and I had to be there with her till the very end, endure the torture I felt to be with her and not let go.  Spirit is being cremated and will be home again this week. It will be another hard day for me. We got a nice urn for her, one which will hold her picture.

She is with my dad now, and he will care for her till we meet again, as well as all the others who have gone before. The next few days will be hard. I just want to sit, hold her little lock of fur, on her bed, and hold her collar and cry.  So thank you again for your kind words and you all helped me in ways you cannot imagine. Thank you for being here for me.

Love to all,  Anne Fromm 

This poem comes, in the words of its author, “from a pet lover’s broken heart…..”

A Tear for Tace

A silent tear sadly falls

As I sit and look around these four empty walls

A happy house it is no more

No muddy footprints on the floor.

An empty chair where you used to be

A sad and lonely house for me.

I look through the window at garden bare,

How I wish that you were still there

Playing ball and running free,

Chasing cats up a tree

How I wish you were still here with me.

A cold wet nose, a happy face

That was my precious little Dog Tace.

 ~ Mrs Kath Greenslade

 

 My beautiful Tace, age 8 yrs 3 mths   (last picture ~ Jan 2010)

 Our deepest sympathy to Mrs Greenslade in her loss, and may she find comfort in her new Yorkie puppy, Ty-Son.

 Lucy’s Odyssey

These words are dedicated to the memory of my beautiful cat, Lucy, whom I was privileged to know and love from 26^th December 1994 until 11^th July 2008, and who will stay in my heart and memory for all time.

~ Mike Bryan

Legend has it, that when cats die and depart this Earthworld, they commence a short journey, over a little wooden bridge, into a place simply called The Cat Heaven.

When Lucy died on 11th July 2008, she too started this journey……….

Somewhere in The Cat Heaven, lived a beautiful black cat, who was simply known as Lucy’s Mother. With her, now lived her wonderful family of kittens, all of whom had lived in the Earthworld, but now had crossed the little wooden bridge, and been reunited with their Mother.

Some had joined her after only being in the Earthworld a number of months, some a few years, but all had been with her for a considerable time….

all except the little cat they knew as Lucy.

On this particular summer morning the sun was warming the ground, and with a gentle breeze, all the cats were feeling very sleepy & content.

Suddenly one of the kittens awoke, stretched, looked up and said,

“Mother, There is something I don’t understand. We have all been together for ages now, all except little Lucy. Why is that? Where can she possibly be?”

Her Mother smiled benignly and said in a quiet soothing voice, “I too have wondered where little Lucy can be, for so many years now.

We all know that she wandered off, so long ago, and even though we searched high and low for her, for so many days, we could never find her, and she never came back to us.”

My dream has been that she found a happy place to be, and that some day she will cross the little bridge, and come home to us.

 Cats always said “crossing the little bridge” as they knew that death was never the end, but merely another chapter in their long & eventful lives.

Reassured by her Mother’s wise words, the little kitten purred, snuggled up close, and went back to sleep.

But Lucy’s Mother felt that terrible pang of sadness, not knowing what had happened to her wonderful Lucy, and as she looked into the distance, towards the little bridge, a tear appeared in her eye…..

Later that day, as the sun began to set, one-by-one, the family of cats awoke, stretched, and a few of the kittens began to play.

Then suddenly one of the kittens cried “LOOK” and pointed towards the little bridge. Another little cat was approaching the bridge, a very beautiful black & white cat.

One of the kittens said “Mother, can we go and greet the little cat?” and she said that they could.

So several of them ran over to the bridge, and as they got closer, they stopped very suddenly, one turned and exclaimed “It’s LUCY”

Mother looked up, and peered into the distance, but couldn’t be sure.

Was it Lucy? Could it really be Lucy after all these years? It would be too cruel to believe it could be and then to be disappointed once again.

Then the little black & white cat crossed the bridge into Cat Heaven, and by now the entire family was running towards her – Could it really be little Lucy?

“Mother,  it IS Lucy” they all cried.

Little Lucy was now surrounded by her joyous family.

“Where have you been?” they all cried, “We have been here with Mother for years!”

So many questions to answer, so much to tell them; where to begin……

Eventually, Mother calmed the cats & kittens and they lay on the grass around Lucy, looking up at her with adoring eyes, as she began to tell her story.

” I’ve had a truly Wonderful life………………..

It’s been nearly two years since we lost you. And not one day has gone by without me thinking of you. We love and miss you Jessie forever in our hearts; love mum and dad xxxx

 Then just five days later I watched in horror as little Rosie just 12 months old who lived over the lane was killed by a car. We miss seeing you little Tabby cat.      ♥                     

 (See DF no. 32, September 2008 – Ed.)

  

When Benji died, Valerie Lockwood and her husband were devastated.  Two friends were particularly sympathetic and supportive, and wrote the poems reproduced below, to help them in their grief.  They have kindly given permission for me to publish them here:

Valerie sent me these beautiful photographs of their dogs Pepper and Benji, who are sorely missed, as well as of Lucky, their much-loved new companion  – a rescue dog, who is very lucky indeed to find such a loving family.

 My Dog

The one who listens when I talk

The one who cheers my lonely walk

The one who nuzzles when I cry

The one who comforts when I sigh

Who else could match my every mood

Who else would feast on scraps of food

Who else would prompt this monologue

̶  Who else but you   ̶

  MY LOVING DOG   

  from Angie

       Don’t forget Dad

It must be very difficult

to be a man in grief

since (men don’t cry)

no tears can brief relief.

It must be very difficult

to stand up to the test

and field the call and visitors

so she can get some rest.

They always ask if she’s alright

and what she’s going through

but seldom take his hand and say

‘My friend, but how are you?’

It just be very difficult

to start each day anew

and try to be so very brave

You see he has lost his little man too.

 from Jean

 

 This poem was given to me by a friend for my husband over the loss of our Benji, and yes, it’s true, men do have feelings as well! I know my husband, like me, is still so upset over our loss.

 Mrs Valerie Lockwood

 

Our darling Pepper

Born 24-11-1981

Died 02-11-1993

We miss him so very much

 

 

Our darling Benji

Born 30-08-1994

Died 19-02-2010

We miss him so very much

 

Our new Yorkie Lucky     He is a darling as well.

Raystede* think he is about 3½ years old

Bless him

 

*Raystede Centre for Animal Welfare ~ where rescue dog Lucky stayed before finding a permanent home with Mr & Mrs Lockwood

    

BOOK REVIEW

Paw Tracks in the Moonlight

By Denis O’Connor

 

The story of Toby Jug, a very fine cat (with fine illustrations by Richard Morris) 

 

Paw Tracks …. tells the story of Toby Jug’s first year with the author – a psychologist and teacher (now retired).  Such was the depth of their bond that when Toby died in the 1970’s aged 12, Denis promised him that he would write and publish his life story; it was done in 2004.  The book is divided into five parts:

Winter: The Rescue  The peace of the idyllic countryside is shattered one night in the depths of winter by a scream of agony. Denis finds the mother cat (caught in a trap) and her two kittens; their  situation is hopeless.  Denis defies veterinary advice and takes home the one tiny scrap who shows signs of life – and manages to hand-rear and wean him.

Spring  Their relationship deepens and Toby accompanies Denis almost everywhere, getting used to wearing a harness when necessary to keep him safe.

Summer  Toby is identified as a Maine Coon and Denis finds out who his mother was.  He and Toby set off on a camping trip – on horseback.

Autumn Toby is frightened by fireworks, goes missing and is found again. By a remarkable coincidence, Denis discovers the identity of Toby’s father.

Saying Goodbye Anyone who has ever been devastated by the loss of a companion animal will readily identify with this chapter. The revelation in the last, astonishing, paragraph offers comfort to Denis and may well do to others, too.

(For details on how to get a copy, see the Resources section at the end of this newsletter).

 

Meredith and Abbey

  

Our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last month. The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey.. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought we could so she dictated these words:

Dear God,

Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick.
I hope you will play with her. She likes to play with balls and to swim. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her You will know that she is my dog. I really miss her.

Love, Meredith
We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had.

Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, ‘To Meredith’ in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, ‘When a Pet Dies..’ Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note:
Dear Meredith,

Abbey arrived safely in heaven.
Having the picture was a big help. I recognized Abbey right away. 

Abbey isn’t sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog.. Since we don’t need our bodies in heaven, I don’t have any pockets to keep your picture in, so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by…

Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you..

I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much.

By the way, I’m easy to find, I am wherever there is love.

Love, God 

 

(Thanks to Anne Fromm and  CK Yoe for this  story.  It has been on the internet for a while, but I think it is worth repeating, to remind us that there are some compassionate people who go beyond the call of duty in their jobs. It is not known who replied to Meredith’s letter, but there is obviously a wonderful person working in the dead letter office of the U.S. Postal Service. -  Ed.)

 

Departed Friend Newsletter No. 38 Mar ’10

THE LOVE THAT NEVER DIES  

I will never forget watching, many years ago, a television programme in which a man with tears streaming down his face poured out his grief at the accidental death of his twin brother by electrocution.  I assumed, as many people would, that the tragedy was quite recent.  Then the man said it had happened 40 years ago but it felt like yesterday.

As with human bereavement, so it can be when we lose our beloved companion animals.  Things can trigger a fresh stab of pain long after we think we have come to terms with it, like the owner who still feels sad going on particular walks, 4 years on from the death of her dog – or it could be a chance remark, or a tune that comes on the radio.  But sometimes the feeling seems to bubble up out of nowhere, like the sudden eruption of a volcano that is mostly dormant. I get moments when I feel again the losses of years gone by, including that of Julipuss who went missing in 1968.         (see DF no. 23). 

All this is perfectly normal – and only to be expected, especially if there are unresolved issues or the bond was strong.  But luckily the pangs are likely to be intermittent – sometimes few and far between, and most of our memories will be happy ones.

The following tribute is a moving example of the enduring love that we have for our animal friends:

Sparky ~ our first love

It’s funny how the past comes back; it’s like looking through a window, like yesterday..……

    Our first house was at the top of a dirt track road:  it was nice and quiet, away from the hustle and bustle – a neat little cottage with a field at the back; it was ok for cats. 

    The people in a cottage close by had a black cat called Blackie. She came in a lot to see us; she would curl up have a sleep then go home again. She had 2 boy kittens – a Tabby like his dad and all black like his mum. She was a wonderful mum but after 8 weeks the little black one went to a nice home and we kept the Tabby and called you Sparky.  You were so cute; your mum came every day to play with you then you would snuggle up together and sleep and you would nuzzle up to your mother. It was so funny to watch because sometimes she would pick you up and carry you back home.

      A few months later the family moved to a new home.  Blackie liked her new home but you would look and wonder as if to say ‘Where’s my mum gone?’ You were a happy cat – the kitchen window was always left open for you it was like your own personal entrance.

    I noticed one morning I had not seen you for a couple of hours. When I called you, there you were sat in some long grass; you didn’t look well.  I picked you up and brought 

you inside. You were very quiet, you didn’t want to eat or drink.  The vet gave you an injection but that didn’t help much; your eyes were tired I noticed.

    You did seem to pick up for a day or two but then it all came back. I took you in a taxi and he gave you 2 capsules and said you had a form of Leukaemia and in a few years’ time there would be a vaccine although some cats may be born with it.  I was very upset and instead of going home I went to my parents’ house and with you in my arms. You wanted to go under the coffee table; you laid down. You were so ill the capsules the vet had gave you were running out of your  mouth. I thought you were just sleeping but when I looked again you had slipped away…. my darling Sparky had left me. Heartbroken, I cried and cried till silent tears wet your fur – you had gone to Rainbow Bridge.  The music from Watership Down kept haunting me and always will: Why does the light that burns so brightly suddenly burn so pale? – Bright Eyes. But that’s how it was – your eyes always so bright - only 5 years old. 

     We were moving, couldn’t leave you there. We buried you in my mum and dad’s garden; at least there I could still be near you. And over the years our love of cats has grown and you know what? That’s thankyou to you Sparky  – our first love and always in our hearts.

 Mum and Dad xxxx

 

Parted

It breaks my heart

When it’s time to part.

I never know what to do.

I’m lost and sad

And the pain is bad

All for the loss of you.

 

Each cat is greatly treasured,

So how can love be measured?

The bond is strong for each and every one.

Decisions are made with care for you

And at the end I see you through

Hoping all I could do, I’ve done.

Eileen Clarke

Remembering, too, my beloved dog, Lassie.

FROM THE MEDIA

Following the request from a DF reader for a care home that would accept animals (see DF no. 35) I am happy to say she  got in touch again, to say that her friends had found somewhere where they are very happy with their little dog.

DF reader Gladys Radwell kindly sent me the following article from the Surrey Advertiser, 14 August.2009:

Animal Campaign is taken to Westminster

“The manager of an Ash Vale care home has travelled to Westminster to speak about the benefits of allowing animals to live alongside residents.

     Alex Strong, from Abbeywood, was invited to a meeting at the House of Commons to speak about the advantages of pets in care homes and sheltered housing schemes. Those who live at the Anchor Homes’ residence share it with a cat, rabbits, chickens, lovebirds and goldfish. The Westminster audience included Dr Nick Palmer, MP for Broxtowe, who said: ‘Alex’s strong feelings on the issue shone through. It is obvious that she cares enormously about animals and the older people in her care.

     ‘The fact is that in the majority of cases pets contribute significantly to the quality of an individual’s life. Equally the grief caused by unnecessary separation from much-loved pets can be intense’”.

Your letters ……“ * 

I was so pleased to receive my copy of DF (no. 37) and both David and myself were so honoured that Henry was in the newsletter – looking very relaxed – I might say. I’m so pleased he plays with Sammie and the older girls get some peace as a result. We couldn’t have wished for a better home for Henry and will never be out of yours and Peter’s debt. Thanks. x

Gerry Robinson

Having now read several books on the subject, I am well on the way to believing our fur babies never leave us and their souls do indeed live on, though this does not stop us missing them, or take away that horrid ache deep in our hearts…..

December 2^nd is the anniversary (of Polly Angel’s passing ~ see DF37, Ed.)  I have a shrine in her memory – a small table upon which stands her photo; memory box; an angel and a cross, all surrounded by fairy lights – it is close to my bed. On the bed are two cuddly teddies as nights are still lonely without her.

Lynn Burman

Thank you so much for the DFs. Our neighbour Gemma* recently lost her beloved dog Sampson*. She was so comforted by the DF we gave her. It’s such a vital thing you are doing. (*Names changed to preserve confidentiality) ~ Ed.

Rob & Becca

Thank you for the latest copy of departed friend. You work so hard on this and it’s such a tribute and comfort to all of us who have lost a member of our animal family. It’s so kind of you to give up your time and put so much effort into it.  A big thank-you again.

I hope all your cats are well and looking forward to being even more spoiled at Christmas than they usually are! Our Christmas will be tinged with sadness for all those we have known and lost personally and, of course, all those suffering out there in the world with no one to care for them; human and animal. This is especially hard for us because our wonderful Gordon has liver cancer and although he is doing really well at the moment, we know we will only have him with us for a short while longer. We have lost so many now and it never gets any easier. Jack died in the summer and that is still very raw, although he went downhill very quickly and died at home in my arms so we did not have this long period of extended heartache which I must say made the whole thing a little easier. Just this morning we lost a bird we rescued. We had got him through a couple of nights so we had hoped he would be o.k. but it wasn’t to be.

Tina & Mark Hughes

The Departed Friend Newsletter is, as it always has been, very interesting.  As you are aware, a pet becomes part of the home life and when the time comes, for whatever reason, their life has ended, it is very traumatic for the owner.  Your newsletter helps to heal the pain and for that alone you deserve full credit. 

Last year one of my tortoises who was about 60 years of    age and had been with me for 35 years had to be put to sleep.  As soon as he became ill I tried everything possible over about 10 months to cure him.  During that time the vet had seen him six times but a cure wasn’t to be.  It was then on the advice of the vet to say “goodbye.”  I know tortoises don’t do much, you can’t train them to any great extent and they don’t take any notice if they are shouted at.  However,  I was still upset when his life ended. 

Apart from one of my tortoises, all have been unwanted by previous owners.  The ages of tortoises I have are:

2 @ 5 years.  Confirmed age.

1 @ 7 years.  Confirmed age.

3 @ 55 years.  Estimated age.

1 @ 80 years.  Estimated age.

Ronnie Pigram

Jessie

Hello Debby, I have very sad news, poor Jessie, she passed over on the 18th December to the spirit world. I can`t believe she is gone, she was such a little fighter and used more than 9 lives, she was getting so weak and thin since November and I was even boiling yucky things like chicken bones for her  – anything to help her get stronger. Two tumours had grown large and then two weeks before Christmas she was falling over a lot and walking like a new born lamb and couldn’t hold her head up for long, then she was getting so thin and she couldn’t poo and then a couple of days before she went she was gasping for breath. Mum and I took her to the vets and he had to help her into the next world, the vet had helped her through her illness for the last 3 years and she went very quickly as I held her wrapped in blankets and she was curled up like a foetus, I held her wrapped in blankets for ages before we buried her in Mum and Dad’s garden, their friend dug a deep hole for her and we put her in a box curled up still like Celtic people buried their dead, we have put things of hers into a memory box that I keep for cats who have left the mortal life.
I miss her very much, I had her almost 12 years and she battled with her cancer for almost 6 years and had 3 ops for it. She was 15 years old, Shadi her daughter misses her but she has Obi to cuddle up with and us. Her and Jess would huddle up all the time. It isn’t the same without her. I haven’t felt her spirit yet so I think she is catching up with her babies who died, she lost her second litter of kittens so I think she is spending time with them as she was very sad and distressed when she came to us after having lost the babies and she used to hide teddy bears round the house and cry, I think she is catching up with her little family.

Where her grave is a pink flower grew up so that is special, I miss her so much.
I went to her little grave at Mum and Dad’s house and put some little flowers there. I am going to choose a shrub in the spring to plant there over the grave.

Ali Browning

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dear Debby

Would you please include this photo of dear Happy in your next newsletter and as a dedication to him.  He was at the Centre in Nepal (Street Dogs of Nepal)* www.streetdogsofnepal.org  

I support this organisation.

 

Happy 

Because of the language barrier we don’t really know when he died exactly.  As you can see Happy was  severely disabled.  An old lady had been feeding him and then contacted the Centre where he has lived there for the past couple of years.  Bernie Wright goes over to Nepal about once a year – she is the founder.  She lives in Ireland and helps dogs there too – she works hard to help many animals. 

Many thanks and in sadness.

Best wishes  Sharon (Hopkins) 

*FOUNDED IN 2006 – SDON is a small sanctuary for those unfortunate dogs who cannot survive on Kathmandu’s streets. They operate a ‘no-kill’ policy for all dogs except the terminally ill or those beyond help.

Condolences

 to Michelle & Daniel –

Serafina (RTA)

to Jose & Michael  -

Thomas (pts to prevent further suffering)

Please accept our deepest sympathy in your losses

Rest in peace …

It was the afternoon of 27 February, and we were on our way home, driving along the Old Bedford Road.  We saw a small bird fluttering in the middle of the road. We stopped the car. I did not know what I was going to do, only that I had to do something.  The bird’s head and neck appeared to be covered in blood, and I was trying to work out how to kill it quickly and painlessly….

When I got close, I saw that what I had mistaken for blood was the characteristic “red breast” of a robin.  The little bird had no blood on him and appeared to be uninjured.  I picked him up and cupped him in my hands to keep him warm on our journey.  While we were debating whether to take him to the vets, or take him home and keep him warm, the fluttering stopped; he was now quite still.

Though it was almost certain that he was dead, we decided to take him home, wrap him warmly in a blanket and put him quietly in a room – secure and away from the cats – till we were quite sure.  I examined him; there was not a mark on him.  I had never been that close to a robin before.  He was  very  beautiful.   Though I  am no  expert  on  birds,  he seemed quite young – what a waste of life.

I buried him in the garden, near to our beloved cat, Eric, and then lit a candle.  ~ Rest in peace.

My grandest foal
~ Author Unknown ~

I’ll lend you for a little while my grandest foal, He said.
For you to love while she’s alive and mourn for when she’s dead.
It may be one or twenty years, or days or months, you see.
But, will you, till I take her back, take care of her

for me?

She’ll bring her charms to gladden you, and should her stay be brief,
You’ll have treasured memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth

return.

But, there are lessons taught on earth I want this foal to learn.
I’ve looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life’s lanes, with trust, I have selected you.

Now will you give her your total love, nor think the labor vain,
Nor hate Me when I come to take her back again?
I know you’ll give her tenderness and love will bloom each day.
And for the happiness you’ve known forever grateful

stay.

But should I come and call for her much sooner than you’d planned
You’ll brave the bitter grief that comes and someday you’ll understand.

For though I’ll call her home to Me this promise to you I do make,
For all the love and care you gave she’ll wait for you, inside Heaven’s Gate.

 Thanks to Tina Hughes for this lovely poem – Ed.

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Departed Friend No.38 March 2010

Departed Friend Newsletter No. 37 Dec ’09

~ SONG OF AN ANGEL ~

She came into my life during the autumn of 2006 ~ a young tortoiseshell and white cat who had been homeless for several months.  We bonded instantly and became ‘soul mates’.  She was outgoing and fun-loving, instantly friendly and willing to please.

I named her Polly Angel, for a guardian angel was exactly what she was.  It soon became clear that ‘our Pol’ had special qualities.  I was crippled with painful arthritis and depression and longed for a special companion.  Polly adopted the persona of a furry Florence Nightingale, who guided me about the house, always by my side, glancing up toward me talking all the while in her special way.

During 2008, Polly became ill with what was thought to be Cat Flu, then when no medication appeared to be helping her further examinations revealed a malignant tumour was growing inside her nose.  Symptoms were slow to progress and Polly fought to be well and remain by my side for always.  By September her condition worsened yet she fought bravely on ~ and the knowledge I would one day lose her, so soon after we had been brought together was heart-wrenching. 

It was my turn to look after her, watching over her by day and night.  During those last weeks she remained extra close, like a second skin, as she lay beside me in the bed.  I urged her to live on so that we could share one more Christmas together, but this was asking too much of my special girl and on 2^nd December 2008 I had to make the heart-breaking decision to allow her to go on her final journey ~ my Polly could barely breathe, or eat and she was half-blind.

I shall never forget the look of sorrow and sadness on her beautiful face as we bid our Goodbyes.

I held her one last time, thanked her for her loving care, told her how dearly I loved her and to be strong and brave.

I kissed her velvet-soft head and wished her ‘Happy Christmas’ ~ then my beautiful Polly Angel was no more.

It was revealed she may have had the tumour lying dormant the day she came to me, meaning my Polly Angel had come home to die.

Ten months have now passed without her serene presence and not a second goes by when I do not ache to hold her close again, feel her wet and warm kisses ~ such special kisses.

When I gaze up at the Night Sky and see the brightest, twinkling star, I know it is my beloved girl looking down upon me.

~ I cried for you and the sky cried for you. ~

On the day Polly Angel passed over, a flurry of snow flakes fell from the heavens ~ the angels were crying their own tears, mingling with mine.

Goodnight, my gentle, sweet girl.

Lynn Burman

I didn’t want him to go without a name….

Please take time to read this and think about him. This little black cat had no name, no home, no-one to love him.  He had to steal food to survive and sleep under a bush. Maybe he did get a little food left out for him but mostly I think he got ignored.  He did go through a neighbour’s cat flap and get shelter on a cold night. As time went on, though, he developed bald patches on his back and became thin.  The neighbours around there then were concerned and the Cat Protection were called in, which took him to a good vet.  They found FIV, something wrong with his intestines and a skin condition.  He went to sleep…..

….. He is safe now and new friends are waiting to take him over Rainbow Bridge to play in the fields and be happy forever. You didn’t have a name; you have now – “Ebony”. God Bless you Ebony. 

Please take care of any animal who comes into your garden.  Hedgehogs like cat food too.

Celia

BUNNY July 26 – Nov 24, 2009

It is with great sadness that we announce that Bunny passed away a few hours ago.  She was always very active and vibrant and loved life.  She was also very independent and stubborn at the same time.

 Last night, she was still outside her cage when we had to go to bed.  Usually we leave a little light on when she’s out, but this one time we switched it off.  When we woke up in the morning, CK discovered she had fallen behind a packing box and got trapped.  We thought she looked OK but didn’t realise she was in a state of shock.  When we returned from work this evening, she was on the bottom of the cage and with her eyes closed and very weak.  CK took her out and cuddled her, but she quietly slipped away.

 For the four short months we have had her, she has brought us lots of joy and happiness, although she and Belle sometimes did not get on.  We hope she will now rest in peace and enjoy a much better life in heaven with our other departed loved ones. 

 Love Anne & CK and babies (in deep sorrow)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Thank you both so much for the lovely card, you are the only ones who have been kind enough to send me one. It means a lot to me.”

When a friend of ours recently lost a beloved companion animal, we sent her a card with a message of condolence.  I was sad to learn that we were the only ones who did this, but I honestly believe people did not mean to be uncaring; it just did not occur to them to do this.

If you know of someone who is grieving for a pet, do consider sending them a card.  It doesn’t take the pain away but it shows them that you care and helps them to feel that they are not alone. I know it helped me to receive all your lovely cards and emails when Eric died -  ed.

Heart to heart communication with pets

 Susan Wagner Nov 17, 2009

One of the most controversial topics surrounding our pets is animal communication. I remember when I first heard about the concept of talking to animals. I was a practicing neurologist, and an internist friend told me about a client whose animal communicator told her that her cat had pancreatitis. Boy, did my righteous indignation have a field day with that one! What nonsense, I thought.

Now that I comprehend the human-animal bond as an energetic force, and that we can translate that energy into a state of knowing, or even words, I understand it. Have I seen my share of communicators who are way off base? Sure. Have I witnessed what I believe is true communication? You bet.

My first experience with animal communication came years before I even understood what was happening. I had a patient named Bruce, who was a fabulous cat. Bruce had undergone surgery to remove a benign tumor from his brain. As do most cats with this procedure, he did very well. Unfortunately, complications occurred a few days later, and Bruce found himself fighting for his life.

Bruce’s entire medical team was giving it their best. I stayed with him most of the night and the following day, but I had tickets to a Santana concert that night. In my house, there are three spiritual holidays: Christmas, Easter and Santana. I knew Bruce was in the best hands in ICU, and a dear internist friend of mine was working ER that night and would look after him as well. I knew Bruce would be fine while I got some needed R&R, so I went to the concert.

During the entire concert, I kept worrying about Bruce, but knew that I would be checking on him after the show. After all, he was in great hands. All of a sudden, however, this intense, incredible feeling of peace came over me – a feeling that Bruce was fine and happy. At first I thought my intuition was telling me he had turned the corner for the better. Then I realized it might be something else. I looked at my watch – it was 10:15.

Later that night, when I walked into the hospital and saw the look on my vet friend’s face, I knew I was right. She opened her mouth to speak, and I filled in the words – Bruce had passed, right? What time, I asked? She said she wasn’t sure exactly – sometime after 10.

Now that I am an energy practitioner, and know that science has shown the energetic basis for all life, Bruce’s story doesn’t surprise me a bit. And we also know from science that matter and energy are neither created nor destroyed, they merely change forms. That means that life of all kinds is neither created nor destroyed, it always is. We and our beloved animals always are.

A dear intuitive friend of mine says that when animals pass, they go home, change clothes, and come right back. I wonder what Bruce is wearing now.

We are grateful to CK Yoe for sending us this beautiful article – ed. 

Your letters ……” *

Thank you for the September issue of Departed Friend (see DF no. 36, ed.). … As usual, it had many interesting items.  I am sure many readers will take advantage of the EASE Bereavement Service which is a further indication of how widely it is now recognised that the loss of a beloved pet does greatly affect people. 

I have heard people mention Animal Christian Concern before, and a friend of mine had contributed to the radical Ark magazine. Sadly the clergy as a whole are still silent on animal cruelty and condone or at least tolerate hunting and vivisection. How refreshing to know some Christians are concerned.

John Cowen

 Hello Debby,

You have probably thought that I either fell in a hole or departed from this life. Neither is true.

I realize I promised you an article for the Departed Friend about three Septembers ago, and then was never heard from again. Having been a newsletter editor for several publications, I know how that is ……

I simply became very busy with volunteering with my church … Episcopal, that Americanized Anglican church . And I took on an increasing load counseling pet parents in the APLB’s Anticipatory Bereavement chat room.  If it is of any comfort to you, I have immensely enjoyed reading all the issues of the Departed Friend and have saved each one in a binder. Also, I instigated and help plan an annual Interfaith Pet Memorial Service at my church (our 3rd Annual Service will be on October 4, 2009). We have also been offering a Pet Loss Workshop in the Spring for the past two years.

I just returned from participating in the Second International Symposium  on Veterinary Hospice Care held at University of California, Davis … an awesome symposium ! There were two people there from England. I would be interested in knowing if there is a like movement in the UK for hospicing companion animals. 

By the way, are you or any of your readers involved in the Death, Dying and Disposal Conference being held at Durham University on 9 September to 12 september 2009 ? There is one presentation to be given on            11 September on “Am I going to See My Pet in Heaven?” presented by the woman that leads the Pet Memorial Service with me.

Hoping to send you an article for the newsletter … I now have several subjects I could write about….

With warm regards, 

Lois Roach

Certified Pet Bereavement Counselor

Chatroom Moderator and Host,

Anticipatory Bereavement and Pet Loss

Association For Pet Loss and Bereavement (APLB)

A true story

A woman was out walking two dogs, her own and a friend’s, when she slipped and fell, twisting her ankle.  She could not move.  She phoned for an ambulance on her mobile.  Her own dog went to look for the paramedics, while the other dog kept her company.  The dog found the paramedics and brought them to his mistress. Just who is the superior species?  Who says animals are devoid of understanding?

We are indebted to John Cowen for sending us this heart-warming  story – ed.

 

This black ribbon is

in memory of all the animals

who suffer and die

at the hands of 

humankind

 and

in recognition of the

outrage,  grief and

compassion felt by

those who

care.

DOROTHY

It is with rapt fascination that a photograph of a deceased chimpanzee being visibly mourned by dozens of chimpanzees looking on as the body is being wheeled for burial has transfixed viewers across the Internet, on television, and in countless publications, with its soul-piercing sadness. The image of the matriarch Dorothy, lying still amid orphaned chimpanzees at Sanaga-Yong Chimpanzee Rescue Center , in Cameroon , Africa , is something wondrous to behold. The Sanaga-Yong Center , which provides sanctuary for nearly 70 orphans, victims of the illegal bushmeat trade, is a project of IDA Africa, the creation of In Defense of Animals’ Dr. Sheri Speede. who first traveled to the country to volunteer her veterinary skills. She made friends with three chimpanzees, Becky, Jacky, and Pepe—who had suffered decades in small cages at a resort hotel and, in 1999, became the first adult chimpanzees who had been rescued in Cameroon. In 2000, IDA Africa organized a forced confiscation of adult chimpanzees Dorothy and Nama, and eight monkeys, the first armed confiscation of illegally held primates in Cameroon .The striking image by Sanaga-Yong volunteer Monica Szczupider that first appeared in the November, 2009, issue of National Geographic captures exquisitely the personal and ideal sharing of the fate among nonhumans brought together by a common purpose and who form extraordinary bonds of friendship. The photo subsequently appeared on “Inside edition,” “ABC News,” the New York Post, London Telegraph, the Daily Mail, and a variety of other newspapers and Web sites around the world.The writer Susan Sontag in On photography wrote that “photographs do not explain; they acknowledge.” When looking at the photo, one immediately feels the magnitude and closeness of the family of chimpanzees and seeing their view of things. In all the marvel of their chimpanzee nature and sophisticated minds, our closest genetic kin possess their own dialects, cultures, they teach their young, use tools, and are self-aware, conscious of themselves and their futures. And as evident in the photo, they feel sorrow and mourn the deaths of loved ones.

Orphaned by a hunter who killed her mother, Dorothy was sold as a “mascot” to an amusement park-hotel, where she was chained by her neck.  Somewhere between 25 and 40 dark years, she endured the endless mocking and jeering of visitors to the park, as she was taught to drink beer and beg for cigarettes to the great delight of onlookers. People laughed mercilessly at Dorothy, but no one came near enough to touch her. She was labeled vicious by the hotel staff. Once at the sanctuary, she made fast friends with many of the chimpanzees, even experiencing mother love by adopting a baby orphan named Bouboule, whom she adored until the end of her life. Dorothy and Nama, another amusement part refugee and soul mate, lived in alpha male Jacky’s group of 27 chimpanzees. Dorothy was at the center of it all—a beloved mother figure to many of the younger chimpanzees—a luminous presence everyone at Sanaga-Yong felt like a nimbus.

When Dorothy passed away, on September 22, 2008, from what appeared to be heart failure, Dr. Speede said “many people from the villages, including the high chief of our seven villages, came to pay their respects. No one seemed to wonder for a second whether a funeral service was appropriate for a chimpanzee. They walked to the camp from their villages after learning of Dorothy’s death, without being invited.

“We buried Dorothy beside the enclosure where she lived and beside the tomb of her friend Becky. All the chimpanzees in her family came to watch and mourn with us. When we brought her to the gravesite, they asked to see her again, so I took her body close for them to see her a final time. None of them left until the burial was finished.”

We are grateful to Diana Hartig for sending us this remarkable account of bereavement in the Chimpanzee community – ed. 

S.O.S. HENRY ~ an update

       Readers will recall that I sent out an appeal in June 2009 for a good home for this lovely 1-year old cat, Henry, who was in danger of being put to sleep after running up his then owner’s Christmas tree. DF reader Gerry Robinson rescued him but couldn’t keep him herself, as she has six dogs, so she paid for him to stay in a private cattery.  We couldn’t have him as we had just got Miss Sammie, a boisterous kitten who was driving our OAPs (Older Age Pussies) mad.

       When Gerry got in touch again five months later to say Henry still had not got a home, I did not hold out much hope of a second appeal bringing a result.  But I am pleased to say, he is now settled with people who love him very much. 

       Sammie had established herself and become (more or less) accepted by the four OAPs, and as well as still missing our lovely ginger Eric, we also missed the presence of a boy cat.  So we decided to offer Henry a home.  From the first day he was at ease, and I have never known a cat settle so well and so quickly. He and Sammie are young and energetic, and they play together often, giving the older girls some peace. When we eventually let him out, he took only a day to master the catflap and now he comes and goes as he pleases.  He is a home boy, and has not yet felt the need to wander off and establish territory, preferring instead to socialise with us and the girls, and eat us out of house and home!     Debby.

The Lord of the Manor – Henry relaxing!

Departed Friend Newsletter No. 36 Sep ’09

EASE

~ a unique bereavement service ~

EASE is an animal welfare charity whose purpose is to promote and support the special relationship that can exist between a person and their pet, in the following ways:

1) Education to promote animal welfare, including literature on care of small animals and birds.

2) School Visits to encourage young children to realise the importance of being kind and gentle to all animals. (This vital work could help reduce cases of appalling animal and human cruelty, which so often start in childhood).

3) Preparing for pet loss programme. This is a free email service for people who anticipate the loss of a beloved pet Just as Departed Friend’s unique feature is the newsletter, EASE is unique in offering support before and during, as well as after, pet loss, recognising that loss may be anticipated because of terminal illness, old age, euthanasia or separation due to, for example, the break-up of a relationship or other causes. Pet bereavement counsellor Angela Garner says:

“I know from personal experience and from my work supporting many people through pet loss how painful and difficult this journey can be. Everyone should have access to understanding and support, and I believe that if the person is as best prepared and as settled as possible it helps both the carer and the companion animal. Settlement is so important, and this comes through being able to talk and think things through, such as how to cope with the different emotions that arise.”

Pet Loss Support Sheets can be downloaded free of charge (if you are not online, ask a friend to download them for you – or send me an SAE; I will be pleased to do it for you – ed.)

*   ‘When the time comes to say goodbye’ – a practical guide to after-death services for pet-owners

*   ‘Blemie’s Will’- written by playwright Eugene O’Neill to help his wife when their beloved dog was  dying

*   ‘Coping with pet euthanasia’

*   ‘Supporting a friend through pet loss’

*   ‘Coping with guilt in pet bereavement’

*   ‘Coping with grief in pet loss’

Audio Support. For broadband users, there is a short recording written and read by Angela entitled ‘Support in Pet Bereavement‘ which can be listened to on-line free of charge. It can also be purchased as a CD.

(I listened and found it very comforting; I can thoroughly recommend it. ed.)

Other Material (prices are on the order form)

 *  ‘Remembering my pet’ – pet bereavement activity book for children up to the age of around 10 years

    (A4 spiral bound)

* ‘In remembrance of a beloved pet’ – special writing presented in colour as A4 poster

* ‘Sympathy cards’ – in a variety of designs: dog, cat, pony, hamster, rabbit, butterfly or deer

Memorial stones

These beautiful Garden of Remembrance Stones are situated in Waunifor in Wales – a centre for retreats and international conferences whose workers are supporters of EASE. The stones are a collection of  large pebbles with the name of a beloved pet who has died on one side and on the  other side is written a quality or strength chosen to best reflect the gift they brought to their carer during their life.

(For details of how to contact EASE by post or email, please see the ‘Resources’ section at the end of this newsletter.)

Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation   -                ~   Khalil Gibran ~

Resource Review

GOODBYE, DEAR FRIEND

Coming to terms with the death of a pet

~ by Virginia Ironside ~

pb. 2009: JR Books

I first reviewed this remarkable book in DF no. 10, October 2003.  It has now been updated and reprinted. Aspects covered include Our Relationship with Pets, Grieving, Burial or Cremation? Memorials – and Comfort, Do they go to Heaven? all interspersed with suitable poems relevant to each theme. (Many bereaved people derive great comfort from poetry – which can express feelings in ways that prose often cannot). There is also a short resource list at the end.

There are numerous quotes from devoted owners – including well-known figures like the artist Tracy Emin who says:

‘I should be feeling secure and comfortable, but instead I am filled with fear. As I lie out in the sun, tears burn my eyes as I recount in my mind the last eight years of my life. Today I was given the news that Docket, my cat, has contracted feline Aids … Docket is not just a pet to me. Without sounding too corny, he is really like my baby. I constantly say this. I love him more than anything else in the world.’

There is a very useful new chapter on children’s bereavement, with heartrending quotes and sound advice on how to answer children’s questions – in ways suitable to different age groups. Pet bereavement in childhood is often our first direct experience with death, and it can be devasting:

‘I cried and cried and cried until I could cry no more, I didn’t believe it. I didn’t know where I was.’

‘I cried all morning at school.’

‘He was the only thing I could count on when my parents split up.’

This book is a must for anyone wanting to know how to help someone who is bereaved; it will also bring you comfort and reassurance if you are bereaved yourself.

(See ‘Resources’ section for how to order a copy.)

My dear sweet Oxo.

I miss and love you so much.

Sleep in peace.

Love always Jackie XXX

Resource Review

A CHRISTIAN EXPERIENCE OF PET BEREAVEMENT

~ by May Tripp ~

 pb. Animal Christian Concern

May Tripp wrote the first part of this bereavement resource with no certainty that it would ever be published – as a way of remembering two of her dogs, Chiquita and Ben, and recapturing the lost joys of their youth; they had both died in extreme old age.  But it was the traumatic and unexpected loss of their third dog, Tanya, at the relatively young age of 11 that plunged May into a depressive illness – and spurred her on to shape the memories (with the addition of Tanya’s story) into an article that she hoped would be of help to other people.  Judging by the tributes she has received, she succeeded.

As with many people who grieve for companion animals,  May’s life has not been easy: there has been hardship and heartbreak – and human losses – in addition to bouts of clinical depression.

Readers will readily identify with May’s honest account of her journeys through grief  – and feel relieved to know that they are not the only ones to feel racked with guilt, despair and anger and, if they have a religious faith, to find their beliefs severely challenged. May was fortunate to be supported by prayer and the healing ministry and was able, eventually, to find comfort in her faith.  In 1985 May founded Christian Animal Concern as a consequence of the impact of the dog Chiquita’s life and death upon her family.

May has a deep and compassionate insight into how people can react to the loss of a beloved animal:

‘These people have the same symptoms as those suffering from human bereavement, and in extreme cases their feelings of loneliness and grief can be suicidal. They need the reassurance that the strength of the bond … is sensitively understood. They need to be able to grieve.’  

As a Christian, May has found comfort and reassurance from Biblical references to God’s love for animals (Not one sparrow is forgotten by God) – and a vision of the life hereafter where the Lion and the Lamb shall lie down together in peace.  There is also a very interesting and useful addendum ‘The Bible and Animals’ which answers the following questions:

Are animals created to be our companions?

Do animals have souls/spirits?

Were animals redeemed with the death of Christ?

The answer “Yes” to all the above is backed up by scholarly but easy-to-read evidence that the Bible makes no distinction between the spirits of people or animals (the Hebrew and Greek words for  human and animal spirits being the same in each case). Psalm 104:30 clearly states that animals are created from God’s spirit – which is eternal.

Though it is written from a Christian perspective, there is much in this article to which people of all faiths and none can relate, and from which they can derive comfort:

The cathartic value of writing a short life history of a precious companion animal so that memories are preserved

The understanding and empathy of the author which will comfort the reader

The honest account of life’s hardships and  negative feelings worked through and overcome

The importance of help and support from others

The true place of animals in creation (priceless and equal with humans) and the uniqueness of each individual.  Though it is expressed here in Christian terms, people of other faiths may be stimulated to research their own belief systems for similar perspectives. For people who do not follow a religious or spiritual path, the secular parallel will 

be to show equal respect for all (whether human or other animal) in this life and to give support and understanding to those who grieve.

(See ‘Resources’ section for how to order a copy.)

Your letters ……” *

Dear Debby

Would you please put in your next newsletter that my dear cat Benny was put to sleep on 9 July.  He had kidney failure.  He was over 20 years old and we still miss him terribly.  I still look at the places in the garden where he liked to sleep and rest.  The vet came to the house and everything was done very peacefully and the vet was very professional.  Many thanks.

Best wishes  Sharon Hopkins

 ***********************************

I have signed the petition** as requested.  To lose that beautiful cat in such a horrendous way must have been terrible.  I can still remember the Dangerous Wild Animals Act becoming law.  Prior to it being established, people were keeping lions, tigers and leopards in their back gardens – at least, one man was; he was very threatening towards the neighbours when they complained.  So the government put the brake on it and not before time!  Anyway – Good Luck with the petition!

      Whilst writing, could I mention that I have at last managed to get “Departed Friend” on the screen.  So if it will save your postage, I don’t really need to have paper copies as well.  If I know of anyone who would like a copy to be sent to them, I’ll let you know.  Meanwhile, my very best wishes for all your endeavours.

     Love  Helen Constance

P.S. – Although my cat Domino is black and white (spotted like a domino), his facial expression is just like Wilbur’s –

kind of sad when he thinks I’m going to leave him, so I feel haunted by the picture of Wilbur.

(**The petition asks for a change in the law to protect pet animals like Wilbur the cat who, tragically, was asphyxiated and eaten by a pet python. The petition can be found at www.justiceforwilbur.co.uk)

Your newsletter is very interesting especially the information on the Cinnamon Trust.  (See DF35, ed.) What always worries me is not being able to have my dogs with me.

      At this moment in time I do not have a problem and hope that, like my mum, I will always be able to look after myself.  I also know that if I did have to think about a home and could not have my dog(s) with me then one of my sons would take them as they both love animals.  The point would be that I would be alone !   My dogs are a great part of my life and I can not imagine my life with out them !   When Angel sleeps at the end of my bed she gives me security.  I know that no-one can come near any part of my house without Sandy and Angel barking !! Keep up the good work.
 
     Best wishes  Maureen with Sandy and Angel x

You’ll be sorry to hear that we finally lost our battle with dear little Mystic Mog yesterday. She lost the ability to eat or drink Friday afternoon, and when we went to wash her legs, she buckled under the weight of the towel. It was so sad. We took her to the vet as soon as it opened yesterday 9am and he couldn’t do any more for her so we had to have her put to sleep. She is being collected for cremation on Thursday. At least my favourite vet was on duty which was a huge relief!

       Later yesterday evening, we were leaving the house to drive my niece and her girlfriend to the station, when my new neighbour came running down my drive saying a cat had been run over up the road, and was lying in the middle of the road! So we grabbed some towels and Bill ran up and got it. There is one vet where we live open at night so we rushed it up there. It was still alive, but its eye was completely hanging out and its jaw was broken. No microchip or collar, but Bill told a bystander where we were taking it, and as we were leaving the vets, the owners phoned up and were on their way. I just hope they had enough money for treatment, and didn’t have it put down cos the vet thought it could be saved. What a bizarre day!!!

Love  Joolz xxxxx

Dear Friends, I am sad today, my 15 year old cat Alex (see photo) has passed away. In March he had been diagnosed with unoperable liver cancer and today we noticed he was suffering so we called the vet who came to the house to gently ease him out of his painful little body. This evening we will bury him in the woods nearby.  

       Alex was an English aristocat, he hailed from Kent and he also lived with me in Spain and Holland; he was the best companion in the world. He was an officer and a gentleman, not at all interested in hunting or fishing, he was more the poet and the ponderer. He has left me to get his wings, he more than deserves them.

Goodbye Stan

Now I lay me down to rest

Tabby head on tabby chest;

They all say it’s for the best…

And I’m too tired to care.

He took me in the car again.

I couldn’t see. I heard the rain.

They’re going to take away the pain.

There’s darkness everywhere.

I’ll miss the sunshine on the lawn,

I’ll miss the thrush upon the thorn

The fireside in a winter storm –

They’re gone for evermore.

He trembled as he held me tight,

He told me it would be all right.

And then he shut the door.

We are grateful to DF reader Eileen Clarke for sending us this beautiful poem. If anyone has come across it  before and knows who wrote it, please let me know.  ed.

Pet memorial jewelry

Kimberly and Gervais are a remarkable couple living in Canada. They have 4 children and are caretaker to many companion animals: dogs, cats, horses, rats, birds and a potbellied pig. Kimberly is a talented jewelry artisan and Reiki 2 practitioner. Gervais has IT and business skills.  Together they make a powerful combination to offer help to bereaved people. It is well known that having a tangible memorial to a lost loved one, like jewelry, can help the grieving process. (I have lockets with photos or fur and t-shirts with photographs of animals I have loved and lost – ed.)

Kimberly and Gervais run a family business which offers cat, dog and horse memorial jewelry, with memorials to potbellied pigs coming soon; they know at first hand the pain of losing beloved pets.

They also have a “Rainbow Bridge” service, where bereaved people can write a tribute to a lost loved one. This is free of charge, and can be very valuable in expressing and publicising how much a particular animal meant, and continues to mean, to the people left behind.

They also offer (via a separate website) memorial jewelry for human bereavement via “miscarriage, infant loss and loss of loved ones”.   Kimberly says:

One of my favourite quotes from my grief work is ” A broken heart is a broken heart.” You cannot have any one upmanship in grief. Grief after the loss of a loved one, be they a tiny baby, an adult or an animal, is devastating and painful. 

For contact details, see Resources.

Other commemorative jewelry.

 

	Commemorative diamonds can be grown from fur, nail clippings or cremated ashes.   The  stone  can be set
in some of the owner’s existing jewelry or designs  from  the   provider. If preferred, bespoke designs can be created in consultation with the provider. This unusual memorial is expensive, one supplier quoting £649.00 for a diamond ring.For details of suppliers, see Resources.

Following the article about animal therapy in a psychiatric hospital featured in DF35, here is another testimony from one of the patients:

My Responsibility of Looking After the Hospital Hamster

I’ve had Lewis in my room for over a year now, although Lewis is the ward hamster I have been his main carer making sure he gets cleaned out, fed and given water daily and regularly handled.  It’s good in so many ways, having Lewis in my room, although he only wakes in the evenings he’s actually great company. 

Listening to him rustling around in his cage and wheel, Lewis being there has helped with my over-whelming feelings of loneliness. 

I love the responsibility of looking after him, knowing his routine, eating habits and general health.  I would know instantly if he was unwell, I even know if he’s feeling a little low himself. 

When I’m really struggling in mood, I often get Lewis out and handle him, I can tell him all of my problems, and although he can’t answer back, it still helps.  There have been times I look back and think Lewis has saved my life, as

I used to feel extremely suicidal, I used to look at Lewis’s cage and think about him and what would happen to him if I killed myself, it would prevent me from ligaturing, especially if he was awake, as I would never self harm or attempt suicide with him watching me-I’d feel so guilty. 

As little as Lewis is, his huge personality as a hamster makes me so happy; he always comes to me when I open his cage which makes me feel wanted and special.  I just hope he is aware of the difference he has and still does make to my life.

We are grateful to therapist Louise and to the patients for permission to print these inspiring articles: there will be more to come  in subsequent editions of the newsletter.  ed